Page 1 of Operation: Unify

Chapter One

The television had acted as Lacy’s best friend for the last week, even though she usually hated the thing. Any other time in her life, she would’ve gone to Connor and told him what was going on in her mind and heart. He’d tease her, give her a hug, and the world would be a little closer to right again.

When she’d been held against her will in Cheyenne at the home of a human trafficker, the Holy Spirit had plainly told her she still loved Connor and she had to try to get him back, but the only way to make him realize he actually needed her and loved her, was to walk away.

More specifically, she had to walk away in order to return. His mother had left and never showed him a stitch of love from that point on. When he’d retired from the military after ten years of service and the darkness in his soul couldn’t be quenched, he’d divorced her because he been sure he’d done what she would’ve wanted anyway, only the way he’d done it, he didn’t have to face her walking away. Teddy had known that and insisted she stay. He’d even gone so far as to say that she would stay, or Connor could go.

Now, years later, he still hadn’t healed. The only way to make him see that she wouldn’t treat him like his mom and leave for good, was to go and then return. She had to show him that people who love you, really love you, come back. Even when his father had left the month before to do his own second chance mission, Connor had struggled with feeling abandoned and didn’t know how to express himself. He’d been argumentative and distant in dealing with his hurt. He needed to learn forgiveness and love, and she was the one God had chosen to help him.

She’d promised to fulfill her duties and train Ferd to take her place, but with Christmas a week away, she wasn’t sure where she would go if Connor didn’t do as the Lord said he would. Humans still had free will and she was lying in the bed she’d made. She’d told Connor, under no circumstances was he to try to win her back. They were done. They’d had their chance. Now she regretted saying those things. Hindsight was clearly 20/20.

She closed her eyes and let the noise of the television drown out her thoughts for a minute. Her phone beeped, startling her from her distraction. She’d only told Connor that day that she was going to train Ferd and possible leave after that. Why would he be calling her already?

“Hello?” She waited to hear what his mood would be from the sound of his voice.

“Hey. I can’t stop thinking about what you said. You know that I have trouble with leaving. Is there anything I can do to make you want to stay?”

She didn’t want to leave in the first place. Her head screamed the words,love me.But that wasn’t enough. He’d loved her before and still divorced her. Even now, she knew he loved her, even if he wouldn’t admit it out loud. The trouble was, he didn’t believe his love was enough to cover his mistakes. He truly thought any small issue between them would result in herleaving as his mom had, and worse, hating him for it. He would keep feeling that way to combat his feeling of inadequacy. At least he’d let her stay after the divorce.

That had been the first clue that he hadn’t really stopped loving her.

“Honestly, I need some time away. Don’t you think it’s time we actually separated for a while?”

He went silent for the space of a few breaths. “Is there someone else or are you looking for someone else?”

Connor was good at hiding his hurt, it often came out sounding like anger or bitingly abrasive humor, but after being together for so many years, she knew the difference.

“No, Connor. It might surprise you to know I don’t know exactly what I want. That’s why I need to go and find out what is outside Wayside. I want to see what I can experience from life.”

“I see. Getting kidnapped and helping people heal from the worst victimization outside of murder isn’t enough out of life?” The edge to his voice was razor sharp, letting her know she’d cut him.

“Connor, stop.” She wasn’t going to let him prod her into staying. She’d known this was coming. He wasn’t manipulating as some would think because he would stop when she told him to. He was hurting. He loved her and was sure she’d never return. She was also sure that if he didn’t experience healing, and know without question that shewouldreturn, he’d never love her fully. Staying with him no matter what happened hadn’t taught him, so she had to leave and then return to let him see she wasn’t going to treat him like his mother had. She was different.

“Connor, I’ll be here through Christmas and probably into the new year. Training Ferd will take time.”

“You assume I want Ferd to do your job.” His defensiveness sprung to life.

“Is there someone else you had in mind?” She waited, knowing there wasn’t anyone else who could except for Gloria, who was too busy caring for Teddy after his gunshot wound. The only one who’d come close was Erica, Cole’s wife. She’d helped Lacy for a short time, but didn’t want the job now.

“No, but if I hired someone . . .”

“If you hired someone, I would have to wait to leave. I see through you, Connor.” She smiled, despite the pain that pierced her heart. She didn’t want to leave him. She didn’t want to hurt Connor and this would absolutely hurt him for a while.

“Would that really be so bad? You don’t want to be driving all over Wyoming in the weather around here in January, do you?” The sharpness to Connor’s voice told her he wasn’t looking for the answer to that particular question, but it would tell him what he wanted to know in other ways.

“Who said anything about staying in Wyoming?” She bit her lip. Even she didn’t know where she was supposed to go, only that she needed to be gone for a while.

“I see. So, there is no chance of getting you to stay. Will you be coming back?”

Here was the question the most difficult to answer. She fully intended to return, but would he believe that? His mother had never told him she would return, and she never had. But she couldn’t gut him and leave him with no hope, nor would she lie to him to prove a point. “Connor, this isn’t a permanent goodbye. I think deep down you know that.”

He sighed. “This is just so out of left field. If there was something I was supposed to have seen or done before you were taken, I’m sorry. If I missed a birthday or anniversary, or something, I’m sorry.”

Connor didn’t do desperation, but his words were coming mighty close. “Connor, you didn’t do anything wrong. This isn’tabout you or anything you did or didn’t do. I need some time away.” And he needed her to go, even though he would disagree.

“Are you taking anyone with you?”

She bit her lip. Connor saw the evil in the world every single day. Going alone wasn’t a recipe for disaster, women traveled alone all the time, but of course he would worry.

---