Page 56 of Operation: Discovery

Dee opened the door, taking in Brendon in a second and trying not to let him know just how much seeing him affected her. Rebecca pushed her wheels just enough to gain Brendon’s attention.

“We were going for a walk. You’re welcome to join us.”

Dee took her place behind Rebecca’s chair. She didn’t miss the question on Brendon’s face but now wasn’t the time to ask it. He would never let someone push his chair for him, but Rebecca wasn’t Brendon.

They headed out into the drizzly afternoon, but Dee was glad for the cool air on her hot face.

Rebecca shivered slightly. “It’s damp out here. I didn’t realize it was raining.”

Her room only had one window and it was in a place where Rebecca couldn’t sit and look outside. It only provided some light for the room. “We don’t have to stay out long if you don’t want to, but it really is a nice, gentle rain.”

Brendon rolled alongside Rebecca but said nothing. He’d been keeping to himself a lot in the last few weeks. She knew part of the separation was because he was working through his own feelings. He’d wanted to avoid her, if what he’d said when she’d first come was true. In practice, he hadn’t stayed away from her at all, which had to be hard on him. He’d always thought he could do anything, but when it came to her, he had to feel like he was continually failing himself.

She slowed her steps as the realization washed over her. Brendon might suffer from pride, but no one enjoyed feeling like a failure. He had to feel like one every time he succumbed to his feelings instead of doing what he’d promised himself to do. In that light, she felt terribly sorry that he was warring with himself.

“Thank you for offering to push me. With you doing the work, I can keep my hands in my pockets and stay warm.” Rebecca laughed, then looked at Brendon as if she needed permission to react.

Brendon glanced at Rebecca, then Dee, suddenly relaxing the hard lines of his face. “That’s great,” he offered.

Rebecca visibly relaxed with his encouragement. “I thought you might hold it against me, or you might think I’m old or incapable.”

Brendon stopped and turned to face her. “I didn’t think I’d given you the opinion that you had to do anything based on me or my thoughts. I have different ideas for my own life than for anyone else.”

She folded her hands in her lap. “That’s true, but you don’t need to say anything to let people around you know how you feel. It’s in the way you act and respond to people. I’m sure you’re well respected, but to a person who can’t live up to what you live every day. It’s daunting.”

Brendon opened his mouth to speak as Sam came out of the barn. “Rebecca, you’re here early. Let’s just get started before it really starts raining.” He touched his hat in greeting.

Rebecca tugged on her fingerless gloves and headed off with Sam before Brendon could respond to her accusation. When she’d disappeared into the barn, Dee headed back toward the house.

“Do you agree with her?” His voice was too quiet to be at her side. She turned to find Brendon wasn’t following her. He was still sitting on the path where Rebecca had struck him with her words.

“In some ways, yes. No one is harder on you than you are but, to an outsider, it seems like that same high bar that you have for yourself must be adopted by everyone.” She didn’t want to hurt him, but he had to learn to forgive himself and others for perceived hurts.

“I don’t see why it’s wrong to have high goals and expectations for myself.”

She didn’t want him to go into self-defense mode. There was still too much for them to work through, and if he blocked progress because he was stuck on this they couldn’t move forward. “It isn’t.”

“She said it is, and I can’t ignore that. If I’m hurting a client of Wayside by being who I am, then I shouldn’t be her counselor.”

Usually, he didn’t appreciate when people laid their hands on him or held him in place, but she wanted him to know she was listening. She laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and prayed he didn’t take the motion as condescending. “You haven’t hurt her. She is learning to be frank and honest. It’s something we’ve been talking about in the evenings. She’d learned to lie about everything before, so this is all new to her.”

“I’ll be more aware.” He took her hand from his shoulder and held it between his. “I needed to talk to you. Connor has asked me to do something I’ve never done before. He seems to think that because I counsel people, I’ll be able to talk to Evie and get her to admit to everything.”

Dee shivered. Thinking about meeting that woman scared her. She’d learned as she was growing up that there were no divisions of evil. God didn’t see one sin as worse than another. Humans did, though, and she was having a very difficult time not equating this woman with a demon.

“I don’t like the idea. I think you’re capable, but talking to Evie will be like waving a green flag right in front them, telling them to attack Wayside. If Evie is in contact with the head of this ring, they’ll know we’re onto them. We’ll have even bigger targets on our backs.”

“I know,” Brendon agreed. “I felt the same, but Connor was asked by Officer Blake and he’s up against a wall and short-staffed. Mike is out, his wife just had a baby. Todd was shot. The bomb technicians are finished, so he doesn’t have their help anymore. When he asks Connor for help from Wayside, we give it.”

She sighed, seeing that he had no choice, so she could either be supportive or argumentative. She knew which one she’d want if the roles were reversed. “I’ll be praying for you.”

He took her hand and kissed it. “Thank you. I couldn’t ask for more.”

She moved to step back, but Brendon didn’t release her hand.

“Thank you for forgiving me, too. I’m sorry you thought I was angry with you. I wasn’t. I’m just sifting through a few things, and I do all that in my mind. I don’t talk, I stew until I figure it out.”

She bent and kissed his cheek. “I hope at some point you and I will be so close that you’ll trust me enough to let me sit with you in your stew.” She headed for the lodge, giggling to herself.

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