Page 39 of Operation: Discovery

Knowing that he may have done it for reasons other than wanting to kiss her tarnished that feeling, though. Part of her wished they hadn’t gotten some of their old baggage out in the open right before they’d kissed. Without it, she could believe he’d just felt a hint of nostalgia. Maybe he’d looked at her differently or had come to some realization.

But no, they’d discovered they’d both botched some important things, and because they hadn’t been mature enough to realize that hurting someone temporarily was better than hurting them permanently, they’d both lived with the consequences. Because of that knowledge, she just couldn’t believe that he’d kissed her for any reason other than a cover-up.

Her cheeks burned and she looked away, hoping he didn’t notice. Was she really so shallow that one kiss could obliterate her ability to tell where she was and who she was with? Apparently so.

“You’re not hungry?” Brendon tilted his head slightly and looked at her tray with her full plate still sitting in the middle.

“Not really. It was a full day. Full of things I don’t want to think about.”

His brow furrowed. “I’m sorry. Want me to take you back to your cabin or do you need to help Rebecca with anything yet tonight?”

Rebecca had wanted to eat in her room again and had even asked to eat alone. Dee didn’t like how reserved and introverted to the point of hostility Rebecca had become. The only three people she would talk to were Dee, Sam, and Brendon. She wouldn’t talk at all to Lacy or Connor.

“Rebecca will need my help to get ready for bed after she’s finished eating.” Dee sighed. “I’m worried about her.” Talking about Rebecca was an easier conversation than asking Brendon if he’d meant to kiss her.

He nodded, quickly wiped his mouth, and set his napkin aside. “I am too. I keep working with her, trying to gently probe a little deeper into what makes her frightened to open up to anyone, even me. I know it will take time, but she’s held back more than many other guests.”

“Do they usually have a breakthrough fairly quickly?” Rebecca sipped her water, which was about the only thing she could manage to swallow.

“No, not really. In fact, they usually show more promise with the animals than me. But the animals don’t talk back, they don’t judge, they can’t talk, nor do they remember what the guests tell them.”

“You don’t judge either.” Rebecca had never said Brendon was anything but friendly and professional in their sessions. She may have asked once or twice since her curiosity had been through the roof.

“I try hard not to. Until a guest knows me, they’ll assume that I will. It’s pretty common for them to assume that people are judging them long after the other scars have become invisible, and their lives appear mostly normal to an outsider. They might still struggle when getting to know people or interacting with very outgoing people.”

“Like me.” Though she wasn’t really actually an extrovert. She loved big gatherings of people and the chance to talk and mingle with many groups invigorated her. She also became drained after a few hours in that environment, making her an odd mashup of the two types.

“She seems to appreciate everything about you.” He gave a rare grin, then pulled her tray over to the center of the table once again. He picked up her spoon and dipped a small spoonful of chocolate pudding.

Dee’s heart pounded a rhythm she was sure Brendon could hear across the table. He leaned forward, delivering the spoon closer to her mouth.

“I don’t really want any.” She held up her hand. As oddly seductive as it would be to be fed by a handsome guy, she didn’t want him to do it in the middle of a dining room full of people.

“I know you’re blaming yourself. It’s not your fault.”

She swallowed hard, trying not to cry. He’d known exactly what was on her mind. “Maybe. Even if it’s not my fault, I feel guilty for sitting here eating. His mother is probably a wreck right now. She doesn’t get to make sure he gets a good meal ever again.” Her lip trembled and she rose a few inches from her seat, wanting to get away.

“Wait.” Brendon reached for her. “Is there something else wrong?”

Only everything. She wasn’t going to be able to hold off for much longer. Blinking rapidly, she reached for her napkin and dabbed her eyes as she plopped back in her seat. “I just can’t stop thinking about Jacob. About how close we came to dying. About a box under a few meager inches of dirt in a plain box.”

Brendon shoved the spoon in the pudding and reached for her hands. “It’s okay to feel all those things. You’ll need time to process all of it. If you need help, I’m here.”

Just like he’d been there when it happened. He’d distracted her then and he’d done it now. She wanted to rely on him, to turn to him if she needed help, but she didn’t want him to help when she wasn’t in need.

Just like she’d done with him.

“I will be all right. I just need to process a few things.” Like knowing if she was still pushing people too hard like she had back then, thinking she was being a positive force when she wasn’t. She stood, and he didn’t stop her this time. “I need some time. That’s all.”

Dee pushed in her chair and grabbed her tray. The unbalanced spoon toppled over, spilling pudding all over her tray. Brendon reached for his napkin to catch the mess before it could spread too far.

“Sorry about that. I should’ve laid it down.” He blotted the globby mess.

“It’s fine. I should’ve taken the spoon out before I picked up the tray.” Except she’d wanted to escape the situation and hadn’t been thinking about cause and effect when she’d reached for the tray.

“Let me know if there’s anything I can do.” Brendon put his napkin on his plate, finally releasing her to leave.

“I’m sure I won’t need anything.” She’d make sure of that. She wasn’t going to use his expertise, when hers had driven him from her.

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