Page 24 of Operation: Discovery

The ride back to Wayside was beautiful with subtle pops of fall colors brightened by the sun on the horizon, though no particular color was overly pronounced yet. Dee watched the few trees as she managed the dusty gravel road, very aware of Brendon in the passenger seat. Silence spread between them, and she didn’t know him well enough anymore to feel comfortable with it. Words warred with each other in her head, wanting to fill the car with something other than engine noise.

The supper date with Brendon had gone well, sort of. Better than she’d thought it would go.Ifshe could call their meal a date. They’d mostly talked about the case and about Rebecca, only delving briefly into their pasts or who they were now. The past still seemed too taboo to broach for Brendon and she wished she knew why. As soon as she’d mentioned it, he’d tensed and brushed away her concerns.

Thinking long term would be difficult with a man who swept her feelings under the rug. If that was what he was doing. There might be more to his actions than she could understand. She didn’t know him anymore. Maybe he was just really private and didn’t want to talk about the past, even if it was pertinent to the present. She’d left their separation in the past until now too, but this seemed like the perfect opportunity to clear the air. They were both older now and could handle whatever had happened like adults. Hopefully.

She glanced at him and couldn’t help but notice the dark smudge of fatigue under his eyes, his tense shoulders, even his breathing wasn’t relaxed. Either she was a much worse driver than she thought, or he had a lot on his mind. The need to draw him out of his silence was too strong, and she stopped fighting it.

“I’m only at Wayside to help Rebecca. That was the reason Connor asked me to be here. I know your caseload is much larger, so that will leave most of the hunting to me. I don’t want you to feel like you have to be a part of any looking I do, just because we knew each other a long time ago.”

“Within reason,” he mumbled. “Promises.”

Yes, she had promised to stay safe, but she’d hoped he would reassure her that he was at her side. She had no intention of putting herself in danger if she could help it, but these people couldn’t just go free. She had to stop thinking that time had stopped the moment Brendon had left. It hadn’t. They’d both moved on. But she couldn’t just sit and do nothing. For Adam’s sake, she had to start hunting for answers.

“I have every intention of keeping my promise to you. I won’t do anything that will be noticed by anyone.” Probably. That was difficult to know, since she didn’t really know how cases were handled outside of reality TV. “And even though they aren’t my patients, I’ll be watching over them, so I guess you could say I have two more people to help at Wayside. Adam and Moira are here because of me. I should probably make sure that they have everything they need.”

Brendon made a soft noise of agreement in his throat. He wasn’t one to sit there and stew over things, or he hadn’t been in the past. He also hadn’t been a counselor then, so that could be part of the change.

“Are you going to tell me what’s wrong or make me guess?” She swallowed, realizing too late that she might be giving him a challenge. He’d made her guess why he’d left for years and probably wasn’t going to tell her any more now.

“No, I’m just concerned about you.” He didn’t look away from the window.

She wouldn’t say he was pouting, but he was definitely moody. He was like a puzzle she wanted to solve. “Really?” That surprised her. Why leave her behind if he was worried about her? If he’d cared about her, he wouldn’t have left. Unless she’d done something, and he hadn’t been willing to tell her. He’d always been honest, but how could her love have hurt him?

“Yes. I’m sure that surprises you, but it’s true.” He ran his palms down, then up his thighs, wiping his hands on his khakis.

“When did that happen?” She’d really only arrived the day before. They’d been with each other almost continuously since then, but a few hours weren’t enough time to rekindle anything.

“Years ago,” he said as he turned further toward the window.

Her heart gave an erratic beat, then sped up. Maybe she had two mysteries to solve. “Interesting.”

He was both confusing her and enlightening her at the same time. His hint made her want to dig further for clues into Brendon and what made him who he’d become. What made him think and act the way he did? If she dug for information right now, he’d think she was just a nurse, trying to help him or pester him. With him, she wished she could shed who she was and just be a woman, at least until they figured out what the wall was between them.

Brendon chuckled for the first time since getting into her car after supper, letting her relax slightly. “Is it? I think we have a pretty extensive history. Caring about you and your safety should be understood. If I didn’t, I’d have to condemn myself for my choices. I think the greater question is, whyshouldn’tI care about you and your safety?”

She’d been a woman on her own for years. Even when she’d been a nurse at the military hospital where Brendon had come for rehabilitation after his accident, she’d been living on her own for years at that point. While she would never say she needed someone, having a man admit he cared about her, and her safety, was new and … more than a little thrilling. Even if he immediately tempered it with a description that was supposed to keep her from thinking anything was between them now.

“I guess I hadn’t thought that deeply about why I’m surprised, but I shouldn’t be. I’ve cared about you and wondered where you’d ended up for years, though I suspect my wonder and curiosity is different from what you’re talking about.” She wondered if he would again dodge her questions.

Their time together might be short, making her want to push him for answers. Knowing that pushing him might have been the cause of his leaving, she held off. She had to have done or said something to make him leave. Had it been her dancing? Thinking back, that was when the distance had first started. She’d even thought for a while that he hadn’t enjoyed kissing her.

Regret made her chest ache. She’d been young, impetuous. She hadn’t thought about the consequences of her actions back then. She’d shared an amazing kiss with Brendon, then minutes later her favorite song had played. One of her doctor friends had noticed her swaying on the sidelines, grabbed her hand, and taken her out on the dancefloor. He hadn’t known she’d been seeing Brendon because they’d kept it mostly hidden.

Understandably, Brendon had been jealous and hurt. When she’d finally found him a day later, where there wasn’t pounding music and lots of people around, she’d explained to him what happened. He’d said he understood, and they’d moved on, but his questions tonight left her wondering if that dance with the doctor was still an issue.

Do you still dance?His face had hardened when he’d asked that question. Coupled with hearing that song, he had been thinking about that night, just as she had. Trust was hard to regain once broken.

“Well, you don’t have to wonder anymore. I’m right here and doing fine.” Though his stiff body language said he was anything but.

Her fingers ached to touch his muscled arm and tell him that being ‘fine’ didn’t mean people couldn’t worry. Concern alone didn’t make someone weak. Far from it. Caring for someone wasn’t only something the strong could do, and they shouldn’t have to assume they wouldn’t get it in return.

She turned on the turn signal, glad to be back at Wayside before dark. “Fine is great, but I’ll stick with what I said before. Interesting is much closer to what I actually think.”

* * *

Brendon controlledhis breathing and focused on what he could control. He could pace the speed of the air going in and out of his lungs, but he couldn’t control the needle-like pains tapping and prickling up and down his legs. His doctors had warned him that these phantom pains might happen, but experiencing them was totally different from hearing about them.

He cleared his throat, determined to keep talking to Dee instead of focusing on the discomfort. That would only make it worse. They were having a good conversation, and he wasn’t going to ruin it. He was an Army Ranger, perfectly capable. He gritted his teeth for a moment while he thought of what to say to her.

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