Edwyn froze in place. “That’s not how this works, man. We all agreed to talk to our one regret and try to make it right. You have to at least try or you’ll live in regret forever. You might have been in the military the shortest of all of us, but a mission is a mission.”
Eric snorted. He’d never fully agreed to this, but it was his own fault for keeping silent like usual. He was a man who got work done without fuss. What good would arguing do? He loved his job and wanted to keep it, so why risk losing his position by disagreeing with the boss? Connor’s heart was in the right place, but in Eric’s case, the situation was flipped. His regret couldn’t be made right because he couldn’t go back in time.
“I don’t see how I can fix the situation. I wish I’d never met Ali in the first place. That’s a pretty tough thing to work out. Especially face-to-face.”
Edwyn speared so much pancake it barely stayed on the fork. “Why, because you’re afraid of offending her or because you actually care how she feels?” Edwyn shoveled the fork into his mouth then jabbed it into another portion without waiting for Eric to reply.
Love thine enemy…But was Ali really an enemy? “I don’t like hurting people any more than the next guy. I just want to train horses and live out my days quietly. Ali is anything but quiet. I wish Connor had just waited. I could’ve gone last or not at all, but he went behind my back and invited her here.” Which felt like a betrayal though he didn’t want to dig that deeply into his feelings.
Edwyn grinned. “Except Connor couldn’t have contacted her unless you gave him her name.” He poked the fork in Eric’s direction. “So, on some level, you want to see this finished. Why are you really so angry? That’s not like you.”
It wasn’t, and being angry left his stomach in knots. His father had displayed bouts of anger, and Eric had fought his whole life to control all negative emotions. Part of why he hadn’t wanted to face Ali was because after she’d publicly rejected him, he’d gone out and brawled that night. He’d had no other way of releasing that negative emotion, and he didn’t want that much anger to get inside him again. If anything, the brawling after the fact was a regret he could actually manage.
“Part of me wants this finished. Another, probably stronger, part wants to stay as far away from her as possible because she brings out a side of me that I’d rather not look at. No one wants to look at it.”
“What? Are you Jekyll and Hyde or something? You know that Brendon is there if you need to talk to him. He could help you manage whatever you need to manage.”
Ali set her tray down to Eric’s right at the four-person table and tugged out the chair. She was still wearing professional slacks and heels. Her blouse was the brightest white thing in the room, drawing attention to her pearly smile. “Good morning,” she said looking only at him.
Edwyn stood. “Why don’t you take my seat. I see Connor waving for me.”
Connor wasn’t, and that fact didn’t escape Eric’s notice. Edwyn grabbed his tray and rushed across the dining room.
“Huh, I guess we get a table to ourselves.” Ali took her seat then perfectly aligned her fork and knife beside her plate on her tray. She hadn’t taken the chair across from him. If she had, at least she wouldn’t be close enough to touch him again. That innocent touch the day before had left his brain swirling.
“I guess we do.” Eric clutched his coffee in both hands and considered going up to get a tray, just to put off talking to her. He would not lose his cool again. Not because of her or anyone else. He would not succumb to the anger that seemed to consistently boil inside him no matter what he did.
“I thought about what you said yesterday, and I’ve concluded that looking at the past is a bad idea. At first, I’d thought I would remind you of how good we had it, but that’s thinking of the past, which doesn’t help now. I should’ve known better.” She grabbed her fork and poked a single orange slice and slowly put it in her mouth.
Eric swallowed hard. He wouldn’t look at her lips, and he wouldn’t remember how he’d lost himself in the sweetness of that sassy lawyer mouth. “Of all the things I said to you yesterday, that’s what stuck with you? I really should get to work.” He gripped the table to push his chair back.
“You can sit with me for a few minutes. There’s no way your shift starts at forty-two past the hour.” The side of Ali’s mouth quirked in a knowing half-smile as she made a show of looking at her watch.
“It doesn’t. But I like to have things ready, and frankly, this is a ranch, so my hours start when I do.”
“You could at least finish your coffee.”
Eric closed his eyes and prayed for a calm spirit. Only God would help him manage what he couldn’t. “Until we deal with the past, there is no future. You can’t just walk in here after what you did and pretend like it didn’t happen. You don’t get to act like nothing is wrong. I don’t know why you came here, but you’re not going to get out of it what you want.” There, he’d come closer to telling her how he felt than he’d planned. Now he’d done his duty to Connor, and Ali could go back where she’d come from. Wherever that was.
She stiffened slightly, and he fought the urge towhoopin success. Maybe she actually felt something. He wasn’t so sure. She’d acted so cold and calculated since she’d arrived that he wasn’t sure if she was real or not.
She laid down her fork and gave him her full attention. “I always get what I want. I will not talk about the past. It’s done. I can’t change it, and most of it I don’t want to. The past made me who I am, and I like who I am now. I went through too many years of being ignored to ever settle for less.”
He knew she was setting a trap for him, but he couldn’t stop himself from speaking. The moment he acted interested in what she was hinting at was the instant she used his curiosity against him. She was a lawyer, and that was how lawyers operated. Though maybe she was still human. “That’s what you hope to get out of me, isn’t it?”
“I don’t know what you mean. I’m hoping to restart an old friendship.” She tried to smile at him, but he could feel how forced it was.
“Just like you manipulated those boys yesterday, you want to come in here to bend me. You want me to feel how you want me to feel. Well, you won’t. I’m not some jury you can convince.”
“Eric, you and I were good together. We made each other better. I’ve had twenty-one years to improve my life, and I am where I am because I fought. I want you to be there too. Maybe I went through everything I did so you and I could enjoy what I built. Together. You can share in all the things that I’ve done. You can live a great life with me. You don’t have to work at this little ranch out of the way anymore. Come with me.” She reached for him.
He stood and picked up his coffee mug, tossed back the little bit he had left, and offered her a forced cheers and a fake smile. “I think you’ve said your piece. I will never leave Wayside Ranch.” He turned and walked away.
* * *
Drat him.Ali watched Eric walk away. It seemed like she was always watching him walk away from her. As much as she loved the view, she hated the deed. She pushed around the few orange wedges left on her plate. Eric had resided in her dreams all night, just as he had for years, but last night he’d had his back to her the whole time. She’d woken to her alarm feeling more alone than she had in years. Even more than after her nasty divorce.
Nope. Thinking about her ex was the past. No backward thinking. Success came with looking ahead. Planning. She poked a blueberry. Maybe that wouldn’t be so acidic to her stomach. The little marble of goodness dodged the fork and flew across the table. A hand stopped it, drawing Ali’s attention up. Lacy waited there with a smile.