Page 32 of Operation: Return

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Jitters.Erica fidgeted with her skirt. No, jitters were an understatement. She wasn’t sure what to do with her hands and her brain seemed to be taking in literally everything at once. Like Cole’s close-cropped hair that she hadn’t really noticed until just then and what it might feel like. Or maybe the tee that stretched tight over his upper arms and chest. He had no right looking that good.

She shouldn’t be looking or noticing but couldn’t seem to help it.

Then there was the ever-present issue, was she good enough for this guy? She’d lived her whole life without a nest, a landing place, somewhere to call home. Even now, she suspected part of her difficulty in keeping a job was self-sabotage. She never felt worthy of anything lasting. Her life was a series of temporary situations. If permanence ever knocked on her door, she might not know how to answer.

If Cole offered, would she sabotage her chances without realizing it?

Cole opened the door to his cabin and held it for her. The luscious scent of pasta primavera met her immediately. Two covered plates sat on the table with a vase between them. A single rose stood sentinel in a vase with shallow water.

“Oh.” She wasn’t sure what to say. That rose was the same color as the one Cole had gotten for her right before he’d left for Marine Corp basic recruit training in Parris Island, SC. He’d said he’d be back soon. He’d promised to make a family with her. And he had, he just hadn’t known it.

He spoke softly at her side. “I hope you don’t mind. I remembered you like roses. Victoria brought it for me two days ago when I was trying to get up the nerve to ask you.”

“Two days ago?” That would’ve been when she’d first arrived at Wayside. He’d been thinking about this that long?

“Yeah.” He said no more as he headed for the table, then lifted the plates out of whatever case they were in. He lifted the covers off as steam poured from the food, sending a mouth-watering scent through the room. “Victoria outdid herself. I don’t even like pea pods, but I think I’ll have to try them in this.”

Erica laughed and made herself useful by taking the covers from him and putting them on the counter. They didn’t say much while Cole brought glasses and a bottle of wine to the table. “I hope you don’t mind. Veronica brought over some sweat tea, and we can have that if you’d rather, but I thought date night deserved white wine.”

When they were both younger, they drank. In fact, they’d done a lot of things she didn’t do now. One glass of wine wasn’t going to make her drunk, and that’s all she would have to enjoy with the pasta. She didn’t imbibe anymore. “I’ll take one glass.”

“Good, then we can have the tea after.” He slowly poured the wine and handed her a glass then sat across from her.

She wasn’t sure how she was going to keep conversation going. Not only did Cole make her emotions ten kinds of crazy, she wasn’t all that social to begin with. She took a sip of wine hoping to feel more relaxed, but it made her tense instead.

Cole made small talk about the weather in that part of Wyoming compared to weather in South Carolina and overseas. Her mouth enjoyed the primavera, but her tongue couldn’t taste it and her stomach was in knots talking about the military. The subject reminded her of her decision to tell Cole that Pete was Taylor’s to see his reaction.

Doing so would possibly cause a bad reaction and she was enjoying the evening so far. She didn’t want to ruin things now. She laid down her fork and took a good look at him, enjoying the view. “If you are Taylor, you’ve changed. A lot.” There, she’d broached the subject. Now they could take this slowly.

“The military will change you. Especially the marines. That’s the whole intent, to form you from a wet behind the ears kid to a man who can do anything and take almost any situation that gets thrown at you.”

“Like dying.” There it was out in the open. But what would he do with it?

Cole sighed and took a sip of wine. She’d noticed he’d hardly touched it. When he was younger, he could hold his liquor better than anyone she’d ever known, but now he only sipped. That was a good change, some of the other changes she’d seen weren’t as good. Yet she could understand. The man had literally lost everything and had still managed to make something great of himself.

“I guess you could say that. Dying wasn’t even the hard part, since nothing really happened to me, though I did lose friends that day. The hardest part was later on when I found out mistakes made by others didn’t seem to warrant the amount of effort to fix as I’d given.” He set the glass aside and frowned. “I guess I was disillusioned. I thought I’d get back as good as I’d given.”

She could relate. She’d become a Christian because some women from a church had reached out to her after she’d had Pete. They’d given her a shower and helped her with things she’d needed, like knowing what to do with a baby. They’d even stopped over for months after he was born. She’d come to know Christ because they hadn’t judged her but stood by her side when she’d needed people.

When she’d left town, she’d assumed all churches had members like that one and she’d find friends. Unfortunately, that hadn’t been the case. She’d tried a few churches and she’d felt awkward and unlikeable in all of them. Whether they were intentionally trying to make her feel unwelcome or not, she wasn’t sure, but couldn’t help the way she felt. Disillusionment hurt.

“I’m sorry. I really am.” She took a risk and laid a hand on his arm. He immediately tensed under her touch.

“You’re sorry? You admit that you believe me?” He tilted his head slightly while sliding his hand away and threading his fingers through hers.

“Believe you or not, it doesn’t matter. You’ve obviously been through a lot. You’ve been such a great guy to me and Pete. If you are Taylor, I don’t know what kept you away for seven years. I don’t need to know. But, whoever you are, I need to know what your intentions are.”

Her heart fluttered as he squeezed her hand then stood, guiding her over to the sofa. He sat down and she joined him, their fingers still woven together. Though she’d never felt a wall between them, something had shifted with her admission. It was like time had opened up and they were back where they once were, hanging out in his parents’ basement, watching movies.

He cupped her cheek and looked her in the eyes. “I’ll be honest with you, I don’t know. This whole scenario isn’t how I thought it would be. I thought I would tell you who I was and you’d kick me out for leaving you. End of story. If you might ever believe me, then, maybe, we could have another chance?”

Part of her wanted that, but she was still scared. Pete was a huge part of her life and that wouldn’t change. Things would never be as they had once been. “I have a son now. That changes things.”

With his hand on her face, she couldn’t help but remember the relationship they once had. They’d been close in every possible way. Would he expect that to continue? She couldn’t be that woman now, not without guilt. She wanted to be a woman of God, a woman who could lead her son honestly saying do as I do, not just as I say.

“I know. There’s so much I want to know and understand. I’ve missed so much.”

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