Page 95 of I Just Want to be Yours

I rest my chin on the tops of my knees and stare at the lit-up screen on my bed until it goes dark.

Rae moves to sit beside me and rubs a hand on my back.Her voice is so soft when she speaks next, I almost don’t hear her. “Do you regret it?”

Everything in my heart screamsyes,but my head holds firm with a resoundingno.I turn my head to look at her, resting my cheek on my knees and hugging my legs a little tighter because everything hurts. “I don’t know.”

She brushes some of my hair away from my face. “Well, I know you don’t want to hear this, but if you really want to see what life is like without him, you need to start living.”

She’s right. She’s always right.

When I don’t say anything right away, her stare turns pleading. “Come out with us tonight. The guys want to check out this new arcade bar. We don’t have to stay long, and I want you there.” She nudges me with her shoulder. “You won’t ditch me for Donkey Kong.”

I force a laugh. “Definitely will never ditch you for Donkey Kong—or any other character with a vengeance from the ’80s.”

She gives me a wry smile. “Your loyalty warms my heart.” Sobering, she puts a hand on my arm. “Come. It’ll be fun.”

“And what if I’m not capable of having fun?” My voice is barely a whisper.

She shrugs. “Then we’ll leave.”

Worry creases my brow. “You’re sure?”

“Of course, I am. We’ll leave, cry in the car, get ice cream—whatever we need to do.”

I let out a dry laugh. “Let’s hope we don’t have to do any of those things.”

“I think you’ll surprise yourself. I think once you’re outside these four walls, you’ll find your world feels a little bigger.”

“Probably.” Admitting it is hard, but I know there’s truth to her words. Since meeting him, Jackson has been like an eclipse, taking up enough space to block out everything else. The dark never got to me like it is now. Now it’s swallowing me whole.

Rae gets to her feet. “Take a shower, make yourself look hot, do whatever you need to do to feel a little moreyou.It’s going to be okay, okay?”

“Okay,” I say with a small smile.

She’s about to leave, but I call her back. “Rae?”

Stopping in the doorway, she turns.

“Thank you. I love you.”

She smiles. “And I love you.”

She leaves, and for the first time in over a week, I feel mildly optimistic. Maybe I can do this. Maybe there’s a version of me that can thrive without Jackson. Maybe I can rediscover a piece of her.

And maybe—justmaybe—tonight will be fun.

55

jackson

We pulledoff the road to get some food, and now we’re all sitting at an outdoor picnic table, finishing up while Brian stands off in the distance having a phone call like he always does when he can get some distance from us.

Mya catches me looking at her uncle and lowers her voice. “I know what this one is about.”

“Yeah?” I pop another fry into my mouth. “Care to enlighten the rest of us?”

She looks over at the guys, but the three of them are deep into their own conversation about their plans during our shortened downtime between tours. None of them are going home. They don’t think it’s worth the trip for less than a day, and I can’t say I disagree with them.

When I look back at Mya, she’s leaning toward me across the table. “I’ll tellyou,but you have to promise not to be mad.”

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