Page 93 of I Just Want to be Yours

She sniffs again. “Maybe you can. But I don’t think I can be the girlfriend you deserve while you do it.”

“It’s not you, it’s me,” I say dryly.

There’s a light laugh on the other end, and despite everything, the corner of my mouth lifts at the sound of it. “I guess it does sound a little like that.” After a pause, she adds, “I mean it, though. I love what we have,” she clears her throat, “or had, I guess. I just can’t keep drowning like this. I need time to figure everything out.”

“How much time?”

She sniffles again but a little laugh comes with it. “Jackson.”

“Days? Weeks?”

There’s another laugh followed by a groan. “Can you stop being so charming while we’re breaking up?” Her words stop short, and I somehow know she’s crying. She has to be if saying those words hit her as hard as hearing them just hit me.

“I’ll try,” I say quietly, surrendering to what this is.

“Thanks.” I expect her to say more, but she doesn’t, and I wonder if it’s because she’s crying too much to talk.

My knee bounces. “I feel like I’ve let you down.”

“You haven’t.” Her voice is small. “If anything, I’ve let you down. I’m so sorry, Jackson.”

I let out a breath. “I’m sorry, too.”

There’s a quiet sob on the other end, and my eyes squeeze shut at the sound of it.

“Um . . .” She takes a moment to collect herself. “So, I guess that’s all there is to say, right? We’re breaking up?”

My jaw clenches. I don’t know what to do. There’s not enough time for me to figure out how I should approach this, and I can’t see her to read what she’s actually feeling right now. Does she want me to fight harder? Should I? Should I tell her no? Can I even do that? My head falls as my mind races. Eventually, I let out a sigh. “If you’re unhappy, and you think this will make you happier, yes.” I can’t even bring myself to say the wordsbreak up. “But Margot, this isn’t what I want.”

Her voice is thick when she says, “I know. I’m so sorry.”

We both just sit there in silence for a moment. All I can hear are her shallow breaths, and I know she’s freaking out. Fuck,I’mfreaking out, but I don’t know what the fuck to do. What felt so solid a few weeks ago, somehow had cracks beneath the surface that neither of us could see. I hate it. I hate that I want to change her mind but don’t know how, and even though I know she’s made her decision, I can’t be the one to end this call because I don’t know if I’ll ever get the chance to hear her voice again. So, I sit, knowing this is the closest I’ll be to her for a while—maybe ever, and I can’t bring myself to end it.

She doesn’t say it right away, but it doesn’t matter. As soon as I hear, “Bye, Jackson,” I’m gutted.

“Bye, Margot.” By the time her name leaves my lips, the call has already disconnected, and I wonder if she heard me at all.

Dropping my phone from my hands, I let it fall onto the floor as I flop back on the bed. What the hell just happened? Of all the ways I thought things might go with Margot, breaking up was never one of them. The thought never even crossed my mind.

There’s no way this is it for us. It can’t be. It feels too unfinished. If she didn’t want to be with me because of me, I’d accept it. But she doesn’t want to be with me because of my job. And she doesn’t like my job because something happened to make her look at it differently.

Before those pictures with Tarah, Margot trusted me. Sure, the long distance sucked, but we were making it work. We had plans. She was excited to see me next month.

Thiscan’tbe it.

I sit up straight, and an overwhelming sense of determination starts to spread through my veins. The same one I felt when I knew I needed to get her number before I left campus. It settles deep within me, and I can’t explain how I know it, but I justknowthis can’t be it.

I’ll give her space. She asked for it, and she needs it. But I’m not ready to quit on her—not yet. I still need to give this a final shot, and she should know it.

Reaching down, I grab my phone from the floor and open my text thread with Margot. Just the sight of her name has my heart pounding in my chest. I can’t imagine a world where she isn’t mine. With slightly shaking hands, I text her the only thing I can think to say.

Jackson:

I’m still yours, Margot.

Completely and totally yours.

54

---