Page 16 of I Just Want to be Yours

When?

She doesn’t answer right away, so I pull up our tour schedule, knowing she’s probably doing the same. It would have to be a date when we have two shows in the same state. If we need to drive overnight to get to the next venue, Margot and I won’t get any time together.

A notification pops up at the top of my screen.

Margot:

I’ve always wanted to see New York City.

I swipe back to the list and check which date she’s talking about. It looks like there’s a weekend in October when we’re booked for back-to-back shows in New York. It’s perfect.

Jackson:

Then NYC it is.

10

margot

My eyes flutter open,and my first thought is that I’ll see Jackson in New York. October may be two months away, but it’s better than waiting for him to come back in December. Last night, I looked up everything I could find about Webster Hall and scoped out hotels in the surrounding area. I’ll look into it more in the next few days. If anything, it will give me something to do while I wait for classes to start next week.

When I walk out of my bedroom, the apartment is quiet. Matt and Rae slept in separate apartments for the first time in a while last night. I think Rae figured I wouldn’t want to be alone, but even though she was here when I went to sleep, lying alone in my bed still had the walls closing in on me.

I pad across the kitchen floor. The tile feels cool against the bottom of my feet, and when I pass the kitchen sink, I stop in my tracks. Jackson’s coffee mug from yesterday morning is still in the sink, and it brings a faint frown to my lips.

This is ridiculous.

I shouldn’t miss him this much already. I shouldn’t see the Snoopy mug in the kitchen sink and have the memory of himmaking fun of me for owning it flash before my eyes. It’s not like I won’t ever see him again, and it’s not like we haven’t done this before.

But last time he left, I didn’t know what it felt like to have him here. I had no idea what it would be like to wake up next to him, or to fall asleep with him in my bed. I didn’t walk around taking note of his subtle glances and knowing exactly what each of them meant.

But now Idoknow how it feels to have those things.

Now I know how it feels to have him . . . and I miss it.

Rae’s bedroom door opens, and I look over my shoulder to find her wearing an oversized Chicago Bears shirt and cotton shorts. “Morning.” She rubs her hands over her face and squints against the soft morning light. “Are you making coffee?”

“Yeah.” I refocus on what I came into the kitchen to do. Getting the machine ready, I add, “I’ll make you one.”

“Thanks.” She pulls up a seat at the bar. Our apartment may not be big enough for a kitchen table, but it’s modern and new on the inside. Rae and I loved enhancing the bright open concept with plants and natural oak furniture.

I can feel her eyes on me as I make the coffee, so I make a point to say, “I’m okay, you know.”

“I know,” she says a little too quickly. I look over my shoulder, and she relaxes into her seat. “I mean, it’s not like you two broke up,” she adds with a laugh.

She’s right. I don’t know why him not being here is hitting me so hard. I hand her a cup of hot coffee. “So, what’s the plan today?” I ask, knowing there’s a good chance she already has something in mind.

Bringing her mug to her lips, she pauses. “Braden is house-sitting for his cousin. I guess he has a boat he doesn’t mind us using?” She tilts her chin up with a pleading smile like she already assumes I’ll say no.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

She holds her same position. “Because I don’t want you to be sad.”

Leaning against the kitchen counter, I laugh. “I’m not sad. I’m fine.” When she still doesn’t look convinced, I add, “I’d love to come.”

She finally relaxes and lifts her mug to her lips. “Good.”

“Margot, want anything?” Braden asks as he stands with the cooler open.

---