Page 50 of Endgame

‘It happened a lot quicker than I expected,’ I answer, lacking the courage to turn round.

‘I had to hear it from the doorman.’

I feel the heat from his body warm mine.

‘I’m sorry…’ I start to explain, but then I feel his breath on my neck. My body’s Pavlovian response has me weak at the knees. I’m a disgrace. I can’t see him and he hasn’t even touched me.

‘I miss you,’ he exhales as he places his mouth at the base of my neck. Oh Caleb.

‘I miss you too,’ I admit involuntarily. I start to turn to face him but Caleb holds me in place by covering my hands with his, leaving me facing the sink. He heightens the intensity on my neck as he presses against me from behind. I grip the sink to steady myself.

‘Tell me to stop.’

The gasp I produce is sharp but quickly disappears into the silence surrounding us. He knows I am not going to do that. I’ve missed his closeness, his smell, his hands, his mouth, his infectious happiness. He laughed a lot tonight as he sat in the furthest chair from me, chatting with Bryce and MsPat.

We haven’t had much to laugh about in the last few weeks and I desperately want to return to that. I watch Caleb’s hand release mine, find the bow of my wrap dress and slowly pull the ribbon’s edge until it falls open. The feeling when his fingers touch my tummy and trail up my ribs is sensational. I immediately reach behind me to bury my free hand into his hair. He exhales deeply when his fingers reach their destination and I instinctively arch my back, pushing my chest forward into his hands. When he slowly circles his middle finger over my bra, around my nipple, I almost crumple with yearning. He presses gently against me and I can feel every part of his wanting. I can barely breathe with the desire coursing through to possess my body. It’s not long before Caleb releases my other hand, takes his fingers once again to my belly and heads in the opposite direction. They disappear smoothly behind my underwear and, when he touches me, I feel like I am about to combust. The feeling of him pressed against and wrapped around me isindescribable. I push myself into his hands, wanting more. Caleb obliges, settling his fingers into a sensational rhythm between my legs as the pleasure begins to tighten in my stomach. He easily takes me to the top of my desire, with nothing else to do but fall apart in his arms.

‘Stop. Please.’ I quietly break the silence as I return my hands to grip the sink. He steps away instantly. I wait until I have my breathing under control before I turn to face him. He eventually meets my eyes.

‘Aari…’

At that point nothing else matters. I launch myself at him, with a kiss so urgent and demanding that it takes him a couple of seconds to respond. I detach quickly to hop onto my kitchen island. As soon as I do, I grab the collar of his shirt and pull his lips towards mine. We make quick work of the buttons on his shirt and Caleb has me hovering above the island for a second to lift me closer to him before he puts me back down again.

I’m straight on to his belt, unbuckling it quickly and savouring the noise it makes before I unzip his trousers. I’ve always loved that sound. It’s Caleb’s turn to gasp when I slide my hand behind his boxers. With our kiss still engaged, Caleb grabs his wallet from his back pocket and uses one hand retrieve a condom from it. He puts it on quickly, spreads my legs, pushes my underwear to the side and sinks deeply into me. The sounds we produce at the same time dance around each other before disappearing into the night. I feel whole, holding Caleb so close with him inside me. Caleb is not perfect but neither am I. I feel safe with him. I feel wanted. I feel in control. He makes me feel that I can go anywhere I want, do anything I want and he will still be there. He makes me feel powerful, I love him and he is mine.

But something is wrong. We fall out of sync, then Caleb slows and stops altogether. The feeling evaporates. I let my head fall to rest in the crook of his neck.

‘Tell me what’s on your mind,’ I coax gently.

‘I’d rather not,’ he responds and pulls me closer.

‘Come on, Caleb.’ I bury my hand in his hair, knowing that usually ends all resistance.

‘I can’t stop seeing you kiss him. I know it’s unfair and you don’t owe me anything but I can’t stop seeing it.’

‘He kissed me,’ I defend myself quietly. I know it’s weak.

‘Yes. But you didn’t pull away. He ended that kiss. Not you, because you’re attracted to him.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘I’m sorry too, Aari. I really am. I don’t think we can do this until we’ve truly forgiven each other.’

Caleb and I straighten to look at each other. His lips meet mine so softly I well up. I could kiss this boy for ever. When he slowly reintroduces his fingers between my legs, I stop him with my hand.

‘I’m not going to leave you hanging, Aari,’ he says, leaning his forehead against mine.

‘I don’t want to orgasm without you tonight.’ And I mean it. I don’t want to do any of this without him.

‘Aari, is your heart still mine?’ he asks earnestly.

‘Yes. Entirely.’ I don’t even need to think about it.

‘It hurts to see how happy you are without me.’

‘I’m not, Caleb,’ I admit.

‘Then we need to resolve our bullshit, and fast.’ He gives me a small smile.

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