Page 46 of Endgame

Unexpectedly, Ariella’s lips find mine as I finish the sentence. I live for this girl’s kisses. Whether it’s a quick one on her way out, one of the longer ones we have that welcomes the other home, her tentatively suggestive ones when she’d like me to take her clothes off or the shy ones she returns when she responds to me suggesting exactly the same. This one feels different. It’s loaded. Heavy. I feel the need to pull away, and do so slowly.

‘Tell me what you really want to talk about, Aari,’ I ask, fearing the worst.

‘Caleb, why didn’t you tell me what Melissa did?’ she asks quietly as her eyes start to fill. Fuck. Em must have told her. I did think she looked shifty the other night after Aari left. That’s why she disappeared so quickly.

‘Aari…’

‘I’m sorry I’ve been so furious with you. We’re going to be navigating the consequences of what happened for a while and it’s hard not to be reminded. I wish you’d told me that you were dealing with the consequences of her actions too.’ Ariella strokes my arm so tenderly, I have to move it away. ‘There is no way we are going to her wedding. I’m going to do whatever it takes to minimise contact?—’

‘Aari. I didn’t tell you because of this,’ I say, wiping a falling tear from her cheek with my thumb. ‘What Melissa did is a completely separate issue to what we are trying to get past. I really need you to forgive me, Aari.’ I look into her eyes for a moment before I continue. ‘I will do almost anything for things to go back to the way they were, Mason. I’ll run through the fire of your anger. I’ll even continue to take the suffocating disappointment from you that frequently resurfaces; but I don’t think can I carry the weight of your pity.’

‘This isn’t pity, Caleb. She did something horrific to you. The Ivory Bow agreement with her includes some extended contact with us; the biggest being attendance at her wedding. I can’t let you go through with that, and I never want to see her again after what she did to you.’

‘You have to. Don’t worry about me. We’ll do it for the team. If her crimes and our cover-up somehow become exposed, she’ll get five minutes with an ankle bracelet; and that’s only if she isn’t quick enough to pick the jet she wants to disappear with. And she has a fleet on standby. We won’t be so lucky.’

‘Caleb, she hurt you.’ Ariella is losing her fight to be strong for me as little sobs start to emerge.

‘I know,’ I say, pulling her into me. ‘Sue went out of her way to make sure that I understood what she did. It was tough.’

‘Sue? The counsellor from the shelter?’

‘Yeah. I spent a lot of Saturday nights there, volunteering on your behalf, when you were gone. We had some hard but good chats.’

‘Tell me what I can do to make it better,’ Ariella pleads.

‘Nothing. I’ve battled through a lot, but I’m never going to truly get over it. Working things out with you will help, because I feel lost and alone without you, Aari. However, that means we have to deal with what’s actually going on between us, and we’re not going to resolve it by making an unrelated side issue the scapegoat.’

‘Can I stay?’ she asks quietly.

‘No. You can’t. Not for the reasons you want to – but we can cuddle, keep talking and watch a couple ofWalking Deadepisodes. I’ll put you in a car when you start making snoring noises.’ I smile at her.

‘I love you, Caleb.’

I don’t doubt for a second that she means it.

‘I love you too, my little Mason.’ I kiss her forehead and pull her into me.

She falls asleep just over halfway through the episode we are watching and I pull her closer because I miss this. Just before I call her a taxi, I shoot Em a text.

That was bang out of order, Em. But thank you.

It was an accident. That girl loves you, Caleb. Don’t fuck it up by keeping the things she needs to know to yourself.

I text it before I think it.

I want to marry her Em.

I get nothing for a few minutes, then, just as I close the app, a vibrating alert comes through.

You’re going to have to stop being a dick first. Or at least pause long enough for her to forget you’re a bloody liability. Stop texting my wife and getting her excited. It’s late. She just screamed so loudly, the idiot that just moved in next door might call the police. – Tim.

I open the taxi app and, after almost a minute of staring at it, I shut it again. I turn the living room lights down from my phone, use the remote to switch off the TV and gently place Ariella’s hand over my heart. Then I hold it there, close my eyes, and fall asleep right next to her.

When I open my eyes the next morning, her little familiar morning wriggles tell me that she’s already awake.

‘Morning,’ I say softly, kissing the top of her head.

‘Good morning, Caleb.’

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