Page 126 of Endgame

‘We see everything, but say nothing. Do not go to Brunei, MrCaleb. Throw burner away,’ she warns sternly, pointing her finger at me.

‘Okay,’ I promise MsPat, as I slip it into my pocket.

THIRTY-THREE

ARIELLA

‘So, don’t get angry.’ Lara climbs into bed with me on Monday morning.

‘What?’

‘I’ve been thinking.’

‘Uh-oh… ow!’

Lara pinches me. ‘You’re back to normal now, so no more passes. Honestly, you’re so rude.’ She frowns.

‘Okay, I’m sorry. What have you been thinking, Lara?’ I smile as I reach out to stroke my best friend’s arm.

‘Thank you. So, I’ve been thinking. We’re both here all day, doing nothing, and we aren’t earning any money.’

‘Continue…’

‘I’ve also been wandering around, getting the lay of the land. We are surrounded by lots of women, specifically mums.’

‘Right?’

‘And you, you’re doing all this cooking. For free. You love it and to be honest the only time I’ve seen you happier than in the kitchen is when you’re looking at El— the baby’s scan or Caleb is giving you pervy looks with his lechy eyes.’

‘I know you still call her Elsie behind my back by the way, keep going.’

‘Anyway, all these mums can’t be on top of everything all the time. Some hate laundry, some don’t want to cook, et cetera, but, because they are technically stay-at-home mothers, most of their stupid husbands think that they are live-in slaves that have to do everything. They are often reluctant to offer support because they think that going to work and playing with your colleagues for eight hours a day is the hard part.’

‘Your logic is a little flawed, but I’m getting the general gist of what you’re saying.’

‘So how about we help ourselves cheat a little. Someone who loves to fold their laundry offers that service. Or maybe someone who loves to cook makes dinner and sneaks it over there ready to go in the oven so it looks like they’ve been slaving away while they’re really catching up on that tiny basic human right, sleep.’

‘It sounds like a nice idea, Lara, you should pursue it.’

‘I did. I’m in pretty much every secret mothers’ WhatsApp group within a two-mile radius, for now. Funny what people will add you to if you go in there and cry. The support network is real.’

Oh no.

‘And we have a little company. It’s called The Housewife’s Secret. I’ll show you the website. You can exchange favours, pay for favours, and you can set up a profile to let people find you and what skills you offer. Obviously, there’s a personal interview with me before you join because it is a closed community, and no sex stuff, no matter how much you don’t want to sleep with your husband.’ Lara guffaws.

She shows me her phone. She has built a sweet little soft pink, grey and white site offering six services, with more coming soon.

‘This looks amazing, Lara!’

‘I know, I built it. Anyway, we have our first order.’

‘Already! That’s nice. What service is it for?’

‘Six people, any kind of vegetarian pasta bake, no allergies but they’ve signed the “if we kill you, you can’t sue us” waiver.’

‘Lara, tell me you’re joking.’

‘You cook for the shelter all the time. No one has died yet. You also did Dominic the ick’s party in Singapore for like a zillion people.’

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