Page 62 of For the Cameras

“Fuckboys?”

I nodded. “I’m totally fine going to the dinner on Friday. But I think I just have a fuckboy in my life, and I’m really nervous about that.”

“Ahh,” Shawn said, sitting back in the booth and putting his arms up on the top of the leather. “So you’re thinking aboutpersonal stuff, not anything to do with the renovation. That makes me feel a little better.”

I sure as hell wasn’t going to mention that it definitely hadsomethingto do with the renovation.

I breathed deep, trying to choose my words carefully. “I recently had some… interactions with a fuckboy, and I’m not used to it, I guess. I don’t want to get anything confused.”

“You don’t want to develop feelings?”

“Right,” I said.

Fuck. This was exactly the kind of conversation I’d heard the other Fixer Brothers guys chatting about dozens of times now, during breaks on the show or when they were busy sledgehammering. It was a completely appropriate conversation for two guys to be having, but for some reason I felt so awkward.

“I’ve got you,” Shawn said. “The first rule is, never get a crush on a fuckboy.”

Checkmate.

Already screwed that one up.

“Okay,” I said. “Any other rules?”

“Well, if you really think he’s unavailable, don’t let him get into your heart,” Shawn continued. “Fuckboys are usually really charming. Is yours a charmer?”

My heart squeezed in my chest. “Big time,” I said. “He’s probably the most charming person I’ve met in years.”

“Oof,” Shawn said. “Then you’ve got to guard yourself against those charms. Easier said than done.”

“Right.”

“The last rule, I guess, is the best one,” Shawn said. “Just have fun. Don’t let yourself think it’ll be serious, or permanent. Because it probably won’t be. But if you play your cards right, you can have a ton of fun before both of you move on.”

“You’re good at this,” I told Shawn. “I’m going to be completely honest, I feel like a fish out of water, talking to anyone about anything remotely personal.”

“Don’t sweat it,” he said. “I’m so happy to talk it out with you. I struggled a lot before I admitted my feelings for Rush, too. It’s good to have people to talk to.”

I scratched the back of my head. “I’ve kept to myself for my whole life. But I’m starting to think you’re right.”

“Anytime, Adam. Really.”

We wrapped up our meeting in another half hour, and I drove back home thinking about everything Shawn had said. I felt like I was in a daze as I drove through the afternoon light that filtered through the pine trees.

It had been liberating to talk to someone else about my inner world, but it was also surreal.

Shawn hadn’t made fun of me.

He hadn’t laughed.

He hadn’t even backed off, telling me that I was being weird.

It was like my childhood had conditioned me into expecting bad results at every turn, when in reality, it just wasn’t true. The people in my life really were supportive and friendly. They weren’t going to judge me for what I said, and they sure as hell weren’t the bullies I remembered from when I was a young kid and a teenager.

They respected me, actually.

And I really respected them.

When I got home, I made my way to my home office and plopped down in my chair, relaxing into it.

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