Page 158 of Never Forever

If the truth came out, who would Carrie hate more?

Her mother for trying to protect her?

Or me for making the decision to break her heart?

Would she be mad at my dad for the way he made me keep the illness a secret?

None of this was good.

“I was sick,” Patrick told Carrie.

Carrie blinked. “I know that. You told me.”

“No, honey. Not all of it. I was also sick years ago. Back when you were dating Matt. Those last few months of your senior year. It was my first bout with cancer. We…I did everything I could to hide it from you.”

Carrie whirled on me and I prepared myself to take the first blow. “He was sick and you didn’t tell me?”

“Don’t,” Cecelia interjected. “Don’t let her blame you, Matt.”

“I did it,” I shrugged. “I have to own this. Ultimately, I decided not to tell her.”

Carrie growled. “What the hell is going on, Matt?”

“You were a kid, son,” Dad said. “And the two adults in your life asked you to do things that were so unfair. This isn’t your shame. Or your secret.”

Dad turned back to Carrie. “I begged him not to tell you. Like a stubborn ass, I thought I could just kick the damn disease and be fine. I didn’t want people in town to know. I didn’t want anyone’s pity. I certainly didn’t want Matt to give up on his dreams for me, but it soon became clear I needed him.”

She nodded, slowly, putting the pieces together.

“And you asked Matt not to tell me?”

“I did. Because I knew you’d give up on your dreams too.”

“So Matt’s dreams were disposable, but mine had to be protected?” Carrie snapped.

“You’re right. Matt deserved better,” Dad said, looking so guilt-ridden I couldn’t take it.

I put my arm around his shoulder while Carrie glared at me.

“And you, Mom?” she turned on Cecelia. “What part did you have in all of this?”

Carrie pulled herself up straight. Like a queen marching toward her own beheading.

“After you told me about the two of you. About Boston. I went to see Matt. I suppose I wanted to know his intentions. When I got there, it was evident Patrick was in bad shape and I knew Matt…wasn’t going anywhere. So I asked him to let you go. For your sake. I knew if he told you about Patrick, you would stay in Calico Cove. Give up everything just when it was getting started for you. I wanted you to have your dream.”

“My dream?” Carrie laughed a weird hard bark, and then she turned back to me. “Those things you said that night at the dock. You were pushing me away. Making sure I left.”

“I’m sorry-”

“For what exactly?” she snapped. “Lying to me? For years?”

“For making you believe for even a second that you aren’t the most amazing person on this planet and I wouldn’t go to my grave loving you.”

She glared at me. The power of her anger had the heat of a super nova. Beside me Dad gulped. Even Cecelia looked nervous.

Then Carrie did the strangest thing and threw back her head and laughed. She laughed and laughed. Until she snorted. Until she had to rest her hands on her knees.

Until it sounded like a sob.

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