Page 140 of Never Forever

Maybe it was the boneless nature of my body. They way we’d fucked each other into a new state of being. Maybe I was just tired of pretending. But the truth came effortlessly to my lips.

“She wasn’t you.”

“What?” she said, lifting her head. “You’re saying in the ten years I’ve been gone…?”

“Yes, you’re the only girl I’ve ever loved.”

She rolled to her side and I got the sense if it was physically possible for her to climb out of this bed to put distance between us, she would, but the taco was firm.

“I’m not lying,” I said.

“You’re not just saying that because I’m pregnant and you want to be in our lives as much as possible?”

I started laughing.

“I’m not finding this funny, Matt.”

“Honestly, I forgot you were pregnant.”

Her head tilted up to me and I could feel her skepticism in the distance between us.

I shrugged. “You melted my brain.”

“That was all you,” she said quietly.

“No, Princess. It was you.” I rolled my head and grinned at her. It took a second, I could see all the ways she was scared to believe me. She wanted to keep herself safe, she just didn’t understand yet, that was my job.

It should have been my job all along.

I couldn’t regret what I did all those years ago. I couldn’t… because look at her life. Look at all she’d done. All she’d accomplished.

“What about you?” I asked.

“I did not forget I was pregnant.”

“No,” I laughed. “Who have you dated since you left?”

She sighed and rolled back toward me. Gravity worked in my favor and she slid up tight against my body.

“No one seriously,” she said. “I mean, at first I was too…mad and heartbroken. Then I was always so busy. I learned quickly which guys were into me only because I could boost their careers.”

“That sucks.”

“The truth?” She whispered and there was something so young…so unsure in her voice, I jerked back a little so I could see her. “This is ridiculous. Never mind.”

“What?” Still she was silent. “Carrie, you can tell me anything.”

“I haven’t had sex with anyone else.” As soon as she said it, she closed her eyes and swore under her breath.

I was gut punched. Breathless. All these years and it had only been me. Us.

“Carrie,” I breathed, remembering the last time we’d been together and feeling a bolt of panic and shame. “I knew it. I hurt you. In my bedroom.”

That gasp of hers as I’d pushed inside of her.

“No,” she said, and then laughed, low in her throat. “You didn’t hurt me.”

I was too rough. Too eager. Because…

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