Page 46 of Never Forever

“It’s just the start and we both know it.”

I couldn’t stop the tears. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I stepped toward him, toward the person who was hurting me, and he stepped away. I gasped in pain.

“This isn’t just on me, Carrie. The truth is, you don’t love me enough either,” he said.

I shook my head. “That’s not true.”

“Then why didn’t you tell your mom about us?”

“This is still about mymom?”

“No, you’re right. It’s about us,” he said. “We’re just…done. Are you getting that?”

I shook my head again. I wasn’t. I wasn’t getting it even a little bit.

We were in love and then I went away for a few weeks to do a toothpaste commercial and he just fell out of it. Was that possible?

His expression said he was done with the conversation. Like I was a problem he had to take care of. A burden. Something that smelled bad and he had to figure out how to get rid of it.

“You’ve got big plans, Carrie. I was never really a part of that.”

“That’s not true. They wereourplans!”

“No. You’re going to be going to LA and New York,” he waved his hand. “I don’t want that. I don’t want you part time whenever I’m convenient for you. It’s just better to do this now and end it.”

“Right before we’re supposed to leave? We have fucking train tickets!”

“You’ve been gone,” He shrugged like it was my fault. Like I was unavailable for my own break up and he had to reschedule.

Part of me, the part with a backbone, wanted me to walk over to him and smack him across the face. But the part of me that had loved him since he beat up Annie’s bully didn’t have any pride.

“Please. Please don’t do this to us,” I whispered, tears falling into my mouth.

“Oh God, Carrie. Don’t cry. You look pathetic.”

The look on his face…the finality of it. The way Idisgustedhim…I would never get over it.

“Did you ever love me?” I asked, and then shook my head. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered. “Never mind.” I didn’t want to know.

“Do you want a ride to the train station?” he asked. “I can take you.”

To the train station? To Boston? Where we’d already put our first month’s rent and a security deposit down on an apartment. We’d been so excited about the big window and the tiny little balcony. He’d been planning to grow tomatoes and I’d loved the acoustics in the bathroom.

No, I didn’t want to go there without him.

But I couldn’t go home. I couldn’t face my mother and her smug joy that this had worked out exactly as she said it would. I couldn’t sit around a table and listen to Gran talk about curses and how Piedmont women always picked the wrong men.

Always men who disappointed us.

Who broke our hearts.

I had to leave. There was no staying in Calico Cove. Not after this.

Finally, my pride showed up. I wiped the tears off my face with the back of my hand. More kept falling, but whatever. I’d probably be crying for the rest of my life, but I would worry about that later.

After I got away from him.

I never in my life thought Matt Sullivan was someone I would need to run away from.

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