Page 32 of Never Forever

I opened the folded note.

Matt,

Don’t be mad. Please don’t be mad! Mom reached out to this actor. We have the same agent. He’s filming a movie in Boston. She thinks it’s a brilliant idea if he takes me to the Formal. He’s nineteen, an up and coming star. She says the PR is important. If I say no, she’ll need a reason why. I’m just not ready to tell her about us. I know her, she’ll try to break us up. She’ll find me some role shooting in Siberia or something. It’s just one night. It doesn’t mean anything. Then when he’s gone, we can just go back to being us.

I’m so sorry. I know this isn’t what you wanted.

Please don’t be mad!

I love you,

Carrie

I crushed the note in my hand and swallowed hard. Fine. I mean fine. What else could I do. Or say.

“Matt?” Annie asked, she looked pale and sad.

“It’s fine,” I lied.

The Next Day

Carrie

I was standingin our before school spot under the oak tree and I waited and waited.

Matt wasn’t going to come.

I told myself he’d gotten sick. Or maybe he had to fill in for his dad at the ferry. Sometimes that happened.

Except he always texted me when that was the case.

Yesterday had been such a disaster I didn’t call or text him.

I didn’t fight Mom. I didn’t yell or scream. I didn’t stand up for myself or for Matt. I said sure, pretended to be sick and then cried myself to sleep.

Because I was a coward. A coward, who couldn’t stand up to her mom or face her boyfriend after hurting him.

I understood this was shitty. I knew I’d hurt him. I got that.

But he didn’t know my mom. He didn’t understand the lengths she would go, to make sure I became everything she needed me to become. That she would remove everything in my way.

He had to get that. This was just temporary. A PR stunt.

I kept waiting, even though I knew it was pointless. I was going to be late for class, but still I had to try.

Me: Hey, standing in our spot. You coming?

Matt: No.

That was it. Just no. It’s not like he needed to elaborate. I knew what I’d done. I brushed away the tears falling down my cheeks and waited until I got my breathing under control.

Then I went to class and wondered if this was it. If Matt and I were just over.

For good.

Matt

It wasn’t easy,but for weeks I didn’t look at Carrie.

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