Page 66 of Swim To Me

“Yeah. My eldest brother’s daughter.” Grey pauses. “Did you have a favourite book growing up?”

I reel off one of the children’s books I used to love, about a poor boy and the golden ticket he finds, but my heart isn’t really in the conversation. In fact, everything inside of me is screaming to find a segue and move on.

“Did your dad used to read to you? Or your mum?”

This was exactly what I was afraid of; Grey asking questions, simply because he wants to get to know me. Except, my answers are never, ever going to be that simple.

The wound inside my stomach slices open, stinging painfully, emotions bubbling out. I desperately attempt to shove the emotions back inside, but it feels like a layer of my skin has been shaven off, leaving me open and vulnerable.

Shying away, I go to unravel my fingers from Grey’s, but he holds on. “Sorry, that was very personal of me to ask, Delilah. You don’t have to answer, I—”

“No-no, it’s okay.”

It’s not really, but I remember what it was like to be truly okay once, so I do my best impression of that.

Tearing my gaze away from my shoes, I settle on Grey’s green eyes, finding a warmth there I wished to bathe in. There’s a type of energy constantly radiating from Grey; a steady, safe,kindenergy.

I wouldn’t mind drowning in it.

“I-I don’t think I was read to as a child, I found my love of reading at school.” My truth pours out of me, out of the open wound I can’t staunch. Something about Grey has me openingup to him, revealing parts of myself, which I promised to myself I wouldn’t do… but I can’t stop. I can’t fucking stop my lips from moving, even if my brain warns me not to, internally screaming with terror. It’s like staring into a midnight black, endless chasm, and being unable to stop yourself from pitching over the edge and freefalling.

“Mum and Dad…” I stutter over that word, not used to saying it. “They were toxic for each other. I spent most of my childhood listening to them fight and argue and… Aurelia and I were loved, don’t get me wrong. By our mum at least, but… Dad left when I was thirteen, just upped and never came back with no real reason. Mum tried her best, still does, but it’s not… it doesn’t ever feel organic. More forced. I don’t think being maternal, if that’s even the right word, has ever come naturally to her. ”

“Are you close to her?” Grey asks.

I shake my head. “Not really.”

“And your dad…”

“I never heard from him again. Not a sorry, a birthday card, a Christmas card. Nothing.”

Warm arms band around me, pulling me into his solid body and holding me there. With my cheek pressed up against his chest like this, I can hear the rhythm and each tick of Grey’s heartbeat. It’s oddly soothing, even when he speaks and his voice rumbles through me.

“Thank you for sharing that with me, Delilah. I’m really sorry.”

“Don’t be.” I inhale his comforting minty aftershave. “I should be the one apologising for dumping the start of my-my issues on you.”

“Is this why you don’t date? Because you’re afraid to trust someone only for them to leave and—”

“You’re too perceptive for your own good, Grey Millen.”

He pulls back to peer down at me. “Am I correct?”

I nod, unable to actuallysaythe words. “That, and my ex was a total arse and proved me and my trust issues right.”

“Can I ask what happened between the two of you?”

“We started dating quite young, sixteen or so. He played rugby, wanted to play professionally, and got signed up for a team when he was seventeen. It didn’t faze me. I enjoyed my studies, was working hard to get into publishing and I was happy for him when his dream started coming true. At nineteen he was picked up by another team and the ball started rolling. All of a sudden Daniel was in the tabloids, showcasing his talent on the field. I still didn’t mind. He was my boyfriend, I wanted him to be happy, to achieve his dreams. But then all of a sudden, the media started writing aboutmeas well as Daniel. They took pictures of us together, stole photos from my social media and tore me apart, all while putting Daniel on some sort of pedestal. They ripped into the way I looked, the way I dressed, myweight, the career I was working so hard to achieve. It tore me down; it tore Daniel and I apart. He never stood up for me, never corrected the press when they printed a lie or were derogatory towards me and… then he broke my trust just as Dad had done when I was a little girl. Photos were leaked of Daniel leaving hotels and pubs with other girls. He never corrected, nor denied those allegations either, I guess because at least those pictures were telling the truth.”

Grey’s face falls for a spilt second. If I hadn’t been watching for his reaction so intently, I think I might have missed it. “Oh.”

I flatten my lips into a straight line, suddenly extremely drained from the outpour of a part of my truth. “Yeah…”

“Delilah, I—”

“God, I’m doing this all wrong.” I sniff, trying to put a shred of distance between Grey and I, but he’s not having it. “Everybody knows you’re not supposed to talk about your ex on the first date, it’s like the number one rule and I—”

Large hands cup my shoulders, stopping my shaking and smoothing up and down my arms in a calming manner.

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