Page 62 of Swim To Me

Suddenly, my legs feel like jelly, the thoughts in my mind come to the surface a lot slower, as if they are wading through syrup. I sit down beside my sister, wine sloshing over my trousers with the force of my seat.

“Aura, he admitted he likes me. He said he can’t stop thinking about me, I’m not out of his system… he wants to take me out on a date. Asked me, right then and there, in the fucking pool.”

“And what did you say?” Aura breaths. “Please, tell me you didn’t just up and leave, because I swear to god, Delilah—”

“I kissed him, and I said yes.”

A high-pitched squeal leaves Aurelia’s lips, her whole body practically coming off the sofa to wrap me up in a hug.

“Oh my god, Delilah!”

“What am I going to do?” I can’t hug her back. Fear is beginning to paralyse me. “I should cancel—”

“Don’t you dare!” Aurelia pulls back to look in my eyes. “Why would you cancel?”

“Because I’m terrified of putting my trust in someone again only for it to be broken.”

“But you trusted Grey with your body this weekend.”

“That’s different,” I say, peering down into my wine glass.

“How?”

“I don’t know, Aura. It-it just is. I thought it would be a one-time thing and then it would be over with – this wanting for him. But it didn’t work out that way. This date… it means Grey wants to get to know me, he’ll be holding parts of me, in his hands and… and I’m not in control of what Grey does with those parts of me. He could throw them away, or crush them, or—”

“Or he could keep them safe.”

My eyes flick up to Aurelia’s.

“I know you like your control,” she says, voice steady. “And I know the thought of getting your trust broken again is terrifying, Delilah. It would be easier to cancel but keeping a tight leash on your control can’t sustain you forever, it won’t make you happy. You can’t keep letting fear or the what ifs rule your life. You took a risk going swimming, you took a risk going to the swimming lessons, you took a risk sleeping with Grey. I know you won’t like to hear this, but sometimes taking a risk can pay off.”

“And if it doesn’t?” I hate how quiet my voice sounds, how much I lean into my younger sister for support. I’m the older one, it should beherleaning onme.

“Then at least you can say you tried. You need to take the risk, Delilah.”

“Okay.” I nod into Aurelia’s shoulder, breathing in the familiar scent of her lavender perfume. “I won’t cancel.”

Soft lips kiss my cheek, squeezing me tight while I remind myself, I’m safe and in control right in this moment, hoping the paralysing fear I can feel sprinting up and down my nervous system will ease its painful grip on me soon.

A large part of me really does want to go out with Grey, but the other part of my brain is determined to hold me back because of fear. I don’t know which part will win out the battle in the long run.

Aurelia pushes the glass of wine back into my hand, plucking her own from the coffee table and pulls my pink throw over the two of us.

“So, where is he taking you?”

“I don’t know yet. He said he’d ring me tonight once he finished work.”

Aurelia nods. “Don’t overthink it too much, alright? Maybe we should make some food. I don’t know about you, but I haven’t eaten anything since lunch.”

I’m grateful for the distraction, and even more grateful for my sister, as we both pad over to my kitchen to see what we can whip up together.

Homemade pizzas secured; we take them back to the coffee table once the shop bought dough is cooked and perfectly crispy. I steal a slice of Aurelia’s pepperoni, while she nabs some of my Hawaiian, flicking through the dismal TV guide to find something we can watch.

Sinking back into the cushions, I watch Aurelia lick tomato sauce from her fingertips, crunching on a pizza crust of my own, content.

Then, from its spot on the coffee table, my phone begins to ring.

Aurelia beats me too it, leaning over to check the caller ID. “It’s him.”

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