“Oh, yeah, definitely,” says Cara, without pause.
“You could have pretended to think on it first,” I tell her, grumbling.
“I didn’t need to. What’s your problem with him? I mean, this isn’tallabout the kid that you lost, is it?”
I shake my head. “It’s not about Sawyer. Not… Not really. Did you know he stays overnight with his patients?”
Cara leans forward and pokes me in the shoulder, just once. “He stays the first night with some of them. I’ve never seen him spend this much time with anyone.”
My cheeks color. Finally, I shift and face her. “You say that like it’s supposed to mean something. We both know that Lockwood’s the kind of guy to keep, I don’t know, a scorecard for his conquests.”
“You realize that people can sleep around without it being some macho chauvinistic thing, right?” Cara asks. “I’ve got a cousin who’s just not interested in the baggage that comes with relationships. And a friend up north that just got divorced and is learning how to have some actual fun. It’s just sex. Even you should be able to admit that sex is fun.”
My blush gets impossibly darker. Sex? Wouldn’t know. Toys and getting myself off? I’m an expert at that. What’s that old saying, the right hand is a woman’s best friend? Well, my best friend comes with a whole posse of silicone playmates that have treated me just fine over the years. “Yeah, sure.”
But Cara’s not fooled. Her eyes go wide. “Have you never gotten laid?”
“Don’t say it like that!” I hiss. “Shit, I already feel like the world’s oldest virgin. You don’t need to make it seem even worse.”
Cara asks, “There’s never been anyone you wanted to sleep with?”
“Of course there has,” I tell her. “I had a steady boyfriend all through the first half of med school.”
“Can’t have been that steady if you didn’t get your panties off.”
Almost offended, I tell her, “I wanted to wait. Until after classes. To make sure things were serious.”
Cara glances at my hand. No ring. “What happened?”
“They weren’t that serious,” I tell her. “And, uh, Leon didn’t want to wait. He said it was fine. And then he slept with my roommate.”
She winces. “Ouch.”
Ouch is right.
Sometimes, it feels like I’ve spent my whole life surrounded by guys who didn’t understand what it meant to be fully committed to one person.
The night that my father took off, he and my mother got into a screaming match. I remember being ten and listening from the stairwell as they shouted back and forth at each other; he had been sleeping with my nanny for three months before my mom found out.
Leon was a cheater, too.
But it’s not just them. Every guy that I’ve been interested in has flaked off somehow, somewhere along the way. Guys who didn’t like the long hours that I worked. Ones that had wandering eyes even when we were out on a dinner date. Who couldn’t help but flirt their way through a store or a mall.
Just like Kurt.
Cara doesn’t say anything for a few long moments. I get to pretend that we’re both just really invested in the movie. At least, I get to pretend that until she tells me, “That’s your problem then. With Kurt?”
“What?”
“You know, Arnold’s a sleaze,” says Cara.
I snort. “I’m well aware of that.”
Cara continues, “And Ross goes through girlfriends like the ped ward goes through lollipops.”
“Right.”
“But you get along fine with both of them.”