I try my best to look appropriately prisoner-like again, as they approach.
"Thokk," the elf-like one says, his voice dripping with authority. "Step away from the human. We know you're under her spell."
Wait, what?
Thokk and I exchange bewildered glances. "Spell?" he sputters. "What are you talking about?"
The fairy narrows her eyes at me. "She's clearly some sort of harpy! We didn’t see it before, but it is obvious."
"Harpy?" Thokk echoes, sounding as confused as I feel.
"Or perhaps a siren," the tree-person chimes in. "Maybe even a succubus!"
"A suck-you-what?" I blurt out before I can stop myself, feeling my face flame.
"Oh, you know very well what you are, demon!" the elf snaps.
"Oh, so now I'm a demon?" I can't help but sass back. "Make up your minds, people!"
"Thokk," the fairy commands, "stand away from this she-beast. Come, get behind us where it's safe!"
Thokk, bless him, stands his ground. "Elders, with all due respect, you're mistaken. Zoe is just a human. And I have determined she is not dangerous at all."
"Zoe?" the tree-person rumbles. "You've named it?"
"Her," Thokk corrects firmly. "And that's her name."
The elders huddle together, whispering furiously. I catch snippets like "bewitched" and "evil temptress." Seriously? Do I look like I have magical seduction powers?
"Clearly, she's not really his prisoner," the elf declares. "She is indeed a harpy or siren in disguise!"
I can't help but snort. "Right, because I just ooze mystical charm."
The fairy narrows her eyes at me. "Perhaps you've seduced him with your evil sexual wiles!"
I nearly choke. "My what now?"
But maybe I did ...
I almost giggle.
I mean, things did escalate pretty quickly, but this is crazy!
"Yes!" the tree-person chimes in. "One shake of her ass and he was putty in her hands!"
Oh. My. God. Now I really don't know whether to laugh or cry. "Look," I say, trying to keep my cool, "If that’s a compliment, I will take it, but in truth, zero ass shaking was necessary.”
Thokk, bless him, looks as mortified as I feel. "Elders, please," he starts, but I've had enough.
"You know what?" I snap, yanking off the stupid collar. "You are all ridiculous. I'm just a human who accidentally stumbled into your world. I mean you no harm at all. In fact, if you weren’t so pig-headed, maybe I could actually get to know you! Maybe we could all be friends!”
This elicits a rather comical double take from Thokk, but I press on. I am on a roll. “I bet you didn’t know that there was a time when humans and monsters lived together peacefully!"
The elders gasp in unison. “Blasphemy!” Their reaction and stunned looks would be comical if I weren't so frustrated.
"Quickly!" the elf shouts. "We must exorcise this demon before she sows more harm!"
"But what if sheisa succubus?" the fairy frets. "Here to steal his soul and wreak havoc upon our village?"