Page 13 of Dawn of Hope

“I think the lesson is that hope can be dangerous.” I open my eyes and meet his again, trying hard to keep the turmoil flowing through my body from showing.

He eyes me, face devoid of all emotion. “That is an interesting take. Care to elaborate?”

“It isn’t logical to believe in something so wholeheartedly and hope so strongly that you lose your sense of reality.”

“So, it is illogical to have hope?” Confusion flashes on his face, but he quickly hides it, forcing me to formulate an answer, not just respond the way he expects me to.

“Not exactly illogical. I think having hope is fine, but only to a certain point. Magic is not real. It’s hopeless to believe only becauseof a story, and put all your hope and energy into waiting for it to save you. At that point, you have two choices. You can either save someone yourself, or accept the reality of their fate, and do what you can with the time you have left.”

“Even at the expense of watching someone you love suffer?”

“I think hanging on to hope is the easiest way to guarantee you wait around and watch, rather than moving forward. Why not accept the grief and process it, so it doesn’t hurt as much when the person is actually gone?”

My father has been holding on to hope for twenty-one years and look where it has gotten him. Hanging on to nothing, just to say goodbye anyway. It would have been better for him to just let her go a long time ago. It’s not like my life would have been any different.

A single tear trails down my cheek and I swipe it away. I know Edmond saw it, but I also know he will not pry.

“Can amazing things happen?” I say. “Sure. But magic? Some magical element that can make someone whole again? It isn’t realistic. There is too much suffering in the world to hope and believe something like this elixir exists. And who chose this Guardian? What makes him so special that he gets to choose who deserves to be saved and who doesn’t? Why is he the one who gets to fulfill hopes of some but not others?”

I feel my emotions bubbling up again, fighting to spill over. More words pour from my mouth and I can’t stop them.

“It’s almost cruel to give people this hope and let them live their lives thinking magic will save them. Are they not suffering more knowing as every day passes that their suffering wasn’t enough to be helped? How is it fair to choose one over another? My moth?—“

I slam my mouth shut and tear my eyes away from Edmond. I try to blink away the tears, but instead cause more to fall. When I finally feel in control, I look back at Edmond, who is still watching me quietly. He knows what I almost said, but knows me well enough not to ask me to finish that sentence.

I don’t want to.

I don’t want to suffer more today.

Is this why he brought up this story? Why today? Why so suddenly?

I wonder if this has something to do with his son. Is today the anniversary of his son’s death? Does Edmond believe in Dawnlin, and waited with hope to save his sick child, only to be disappointed he was never chosen? What lesson is he trying to teach me from his experience?

“Do you know?” I ask. I don’t give him anything else. Silence stretches over the library as Edmond looks down, breaking our eye contact.

He knows.

“Is there anything else you learned?” He examines his hands, waiting to see if I respond with the proper lesson.

“Yes,” I snap a little more forcefully than I intend. I am not upset with him for bringing this up. I’m more upset that I let my emotions break through the surface. If there is anything my father expects from me as the future queen of Blackwood, it is to always have a handle on my emotions, just as he does.

I shift in my seat and calm myself before speaking again.

“I think there is a lesson about humankind, or more so, a warning. There are always those who thirst for power, and it’s easy to use hope against anyone in order to attain it.”

He looks back up at me, holding eye contact again. “You sound very cynical this morning.”

“If I’m going to be the queen of Blackwood, I need to be. I have to protect my people, and if someone is going to harm them or hold power over them, I need to be the logical one that isn’t tricked and confused. I can’t let emotions get in the way of that.”

“So, it is the want for power that drives people to seek Dawnlin, not love that does so?”

I think for a minute before answering carefully.

“I think love influences decisions and pushes people to make bad ones.Love makes people hope, and hope can be dangerous if you don’t choose to act instead of just waiting around. But power? Power motivates people to act, and love blinds people from seeing it.”

I swallow down all the things I don’t want to say out loud. Things like love causes pain, and hope mixed with love causes even more pain.

Things like losing hope hurts almost as much as losing someone you love.

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