Page 29 of Yours, Truly

21

THE START OF SOMETHING NEW

The next day, I awoke to the smell of breakfast. I wandered into my living room to find Nate dressed perfectly, hovering over the cooker, a feast laid out on the table. He looked so put together in a complete contrast from last night. A hint of alcohol lingered in the air from his intoxication.

Honestly, I thought he would have darted out of here at early hours but here he was, cooking breakfast. The sofa now looked as if he hadn’t slept there, blankets folded in a neat pile with the pillows resting on top.

“Good morning,” he greeted, a cheerful tone in his voice. I was confused about what was going on.

“What’s all this?" I asked, pointing to the table, flattered at the effort but knowing this wasn’t going to be a quick fix. I slowly made my way to the counter to pour myself some fresh, steaming hot coffee from the pot he had just brewed.

“Breakfast,” he smiled innocently, as if this was completely normal.

Firstly, Nate had never cooked me breakfast and secondly, hewas super cheerful this morning, which again, wasn’t normal. He seemed… different. “…and to apologise for last night,” he continued, the truth came out.

I leaned myself against the kitchen counter, cupping my coffee in my hands, looking into the hot brown liquid. “You seem to spend a lot of time apologising,” I said, running my finger over the rim of my cup. I wasn’t sure how much he remembered of last night but I didn’t feel like talking about it right now. He plated up the scrambled eggs and popped them on my dining table.

“I have a lot to apologise for, especially to you.” Guilt flashed over his face. “Please, have breakfast with me?”

He pulled the chair out for me to take a seat. I rolled my eyes and took my place opposite him.This is weird.This is too comfortable, too intimate, too close to what couples do.

I placed my coffee cup down and picked up my fork. Nate didn’t start eating until I had. I tried the eggs, which were surprisingly good. I guess Nate just never bothered to cook, I mean, when you had money why bother cooking for yourself when you can eat out every night.

I wasn’t going to be the one to start the conversation, I ate my breakfast in silence trying to figure out in my head what this was, what was going on in his mind and what I wanted. Wait, no, I knew what I wanted so why was I questioning myself? I knew I couldn’t have my cake and eat it. I couldn’t have Nate and a relationship, it was one or the other. My thoughts took over until Nate finally broke the silence.

“About last night, I meant what I said.” He reached across the table to grab a fresh, juicy strawberry, his eyes watching me, waiting for a reaction.

“Which bit, the threat or your confession?” My defences were up, my tone sharp. I mirrored his movements, grabbing a piece of fruit for myself.

“Both.” He took a tiny bite from the fruit, studying me. I swallowed the piece of strawberry in my mouth, waiting for him to continue as I took another bite. “I care about you so much, Gi, and I keep fighting against it. Since meeting you in Barcelona, I knew you were different. I’m mesmerised by you. I could feel it in my body like a gravitational pull. I never thought I’d see you again and now our paths crossed more than I anticipated. Call it fate, but I found myself wanting to be in your orbit. I’ve never experienced this before Gigi; I’ve never let myself get close to anyone… until you.”

My eyes widened as more of his feelings fell out, everything he’d been holding in. I didn’t want to speak, in fear that it would push him back into himself, so I let him talk.

“I don’t know how to be someone’s… person. And then we got in too deep and now it's messy, and I don’t know how to fix it Gi!”

“It was pretty messy before.” I smirked, playfully lightening the mood, which made him chuckle a little, his shoulders relaxed. I took a sip of my coffee, allowing him to continue.

“My Dad is right. I come across as someone who has his shit together. Money can buy happiness and all that, but it's all fake.The real me is who you saw when it was just the two of us. I could relax around you. But last night was also another version of me; I’m selfish and I don't care about anyone but myself sometimes. That’s how it’s always been. I drink to hide the pain; I fight because I feel like I deserve getting my arse kicked. And, well, sex always makes everything better. But seeing you on that date, with someone else, it hurt like hell. More than any fight or alcohol could numb. I’m sorry about the hook ups too.” For me that had been the bit that hurt the most, the low blow. I nodded in acceptance to his apology. “I’m trying to be better; I want to be better…for you.”

“Thank you. I need to know what’s the deal with your dad?” I knew this would be a deep subject but I needed answers. I needed to know how much shit Nate was in emotionally before deciding if I wanted to take this on. I had my own stuff to deal with, and the things I’d seen recently in Nate hadn’t fully convinced me that it was worth the risk so far. He dropped the fork on his plate, and rubbed his hands over his face, groaning at my question. I kept my eyes focused on him. I wasn't going to drop this and at this point he knew it.

“He hates me,” he chuckled, insecurity creeping over his usual cocky face. “It started when I was a kid. I could never make him proud; he had high expectations and my vulnerability was… seen as a weakness. He’s a man’s man, emotion is weak. He used to knock me about to toughen me up. Some of my fights were with him, anytime my weakness came out. Hence the doctor to lawyer path. Anytime I mentioned wanting to be a doctor, he would beat the shit out of me, telling me I was to be a lawyer, that any respectable man would be, and he didn’t care if he had to beat that into me. It was kind of like a fear simulation. So, I became a lawyer, to please him. Don’t get me wrong, I love it, but it wasn’t my dream. I decided to branch away from the family law firm. I was meant to work with him, but I decided to go to a corporate firm where I made a lot more money and he didn't like that. That caused its own issues and he thought I was a sellout. So, I decided not to visit Mum and Ivy as much unless he was out."

I held my breath, this explained everything. Nate had been conditioned to be the most powerful man as he walked into the room. He couldn’t show emotion, he had to be the strong one or it tampered with his worth. I couldn’t believe how open he was being, how he shared this. This was the deepest and most real conversation we had ever had and I respected him so much for sharing this with me.

I was speechless. Mark always seemed like such a loving father towards Ivy so I assumed he was the same with Nate. It seemed as if that wasn't the case, hearing Nate talk about his relationship with his Dad made me realise I didn't know the family as well as I thought. Nate’s account of his childhood painted a completely different picture of Mark, that he could do this to Nate. It made me angry.

“Thank you for sharing,” I smiled, reaching across to the table to grab his hand in comfort. He hesitated before taking mine and lacing his fingers. “I’m so sorry you had to deal with all this. Your Dadis wrong, Nate. I have seen many different sides toyou. I’ve seen how he is with you first hand and, honestly, he doesn’t know you.”

Nate nodded at my words, the corners of his mouth curving slightly. He stood up from his chair and kneeled in front of me on the kitchen floor. He cupped my face, brushing his finger on my cheeks and looking into my eyes with so much affection my anxiety startled to bubble.

He moved his lips towards mine, lingering for a second before he closed the gap, kissing me softly. Slow and romantic, a different feel to our usual kisses.God, did I miss his lips.

I had missed him more than I’d wanted to admit over the last few weeks, despite my best efforts to close this chapter. But I couldn’t lie, Nate had explained it perfectly. He was my gravitational pull too, something I just couldn’t explain. I knew that first night that something had felt different for me too. He deepened the kiss, not sexually but intimately, like he was savouring the moment. Showing me how he felt in a way that backed up his words.

“Thank you,” he whispered on my lips as I pulled back to read him. He placed his hands on my waist drawing light circles, I laced my arms around his neck and mirrored his action at the nape just below his hairline, to calm him. “I’m going to try.”

“Try what?” I asked, wondering what was on his mind. I needed to hear the exact words. “To be in a relationship… to be your… person.” He stumbled, as if the words hurt.

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