Page 28 of Yours, Truly

I wanted to cave so badly as memories flashed back, watching Nate’s eyes on me mentally undressing me.He's reliving his teen years, drinking, partying, and women.Ivy’s words brought me back to life. A sick feeling in my stomach that he wanted to drag me into the mix, play me.

“Nate, Go compliment another one of your cheap hook ups,” I spat back, taking him by surprise.Yes, I’ve heard about your little coping mechanisms. I wasn’t stupid, I knew I was right from the guilt written all over his face.

I stared at him, my eyes watering, waiting for him to say something. “That’s what I thought.” I swallowed the pain in my chest. He gripped the phone harder, some kind of pain flashing in his eyes, subsided by anger. But not at me, towards himself.

“Lose the date” he choked out. He cut the phone call and downed the rest of his whiskey, pouring himself another.

My breathing had picked up, I wiped the tears from my eyes taking a breath before returning to my date with Zak. My evening was ruined, I couldn’t carry this on now, not with this sick feeling in my stomach, the anger I was feeling. And it worried me that Nate would carry out his warning. He still had some kind of hold over me, this threat looming over my head. I knew Zak would take care of himself; he dealt with this on a daily basis. What I couldn’t live with was Nate being arrested, losing his job and spiralling more into his coping mechanisms, all for wanting to beat up a detective just for being on a date with me.

I made my way back to Zak at the table. He saw my emotions all over my face. He noticed the goosebumps on my skin, the tight grip on my phone, and he definitely would have noticed the subtle redness in my eyes from a few streams of tears. I was shaking, trying to keep myself composed. My brain was spinning so fast I was worried it was going to take off.

“Are you okay?” he whispered, as I slid into the booth, placing my jacket over my shoulders to warm up a little.

“I’ll be fine.” I tried to paste on a smile but Zak was worried. He didn’t push and I appreciated it. I glanced in the direction ofNate who had moved to a small table so he now had a full view of mine and Zak’s booth.

“Gi, you’re shaking, what’s going on?” Zak tried to take my hand in his but I pulled it back slightly, looking away from him.

“Not now.” I muttered, trying to not cause too much attention or give Nate any ammunition. “I think I need to go but I would love a second date. If this hasn’t scared you away.”

I smiled softly in his direction and he nodded. He grabbed his wallet and threw some notes on the table, before he got up to put his jacket on. I followed his lead standing so I could say goodbye. He hugged me close.

“If you need that restraining order let me know, okay? And message me when you get home. I’ll text you about a second date.” Zak was calm, but my heart was leaping out my chest as I hugged him. My eyes focussed on Nate, his knuckles turning white as he balled them into fists.

“I will, thank you Zak, see you soon,” I quickly said, pulling back before Nate got out of his chair. Zak gave me a small kiss on my cheek and walked out the restaurant. I took a deep breath as I watched Zak leave, before I grabbed my things, looking over at Nate. I shook my head as I bit the inside of my lip nervously, I did what he’d asked. I headed toward the exit, wanting to go home. I didn’t want to be anywhere near him right now. I was ready to curse the universe.

Nate followed me out the restaurant. I kept walking despite him calling after me, ignoring his pleas. He begged me to stop and seized my wrist, pulling me to a halt, before he dragged me into an alley way up the side of the building.

His body towered over me as he backed me against the wall. Alcohol intoxicated him, his breathing picking up as he looked into my eyes. I wasn’t scared. I just watched him maintain his hard exterior. I was mad at him. He pressed his forehead against mine and I could feel his breath hitch at our contact.

“You made the right choice,” he chuckled, placing a hand under my chin, forcing me to look up at him.

“I didn't do it for you,” I whispered, trying to hold my own composure. His eyes turned dark at my response. “You're drunk Nate and I tried to avoid a fight.”

He took a step back before laughing to himself, creating a small gap between us which I was thankful for. The scent of alcohol was suffocating me so I welcomed the fresh air that now breezed between us.

“You have me all figured out? I’m impressed,” he raised an eyebrow. “I was so close to beating the shit out of him, for touching you, pulling you close, his lips on your skin. He’s lucky I didn’t break his jaw.” His threats came through thick and fast. It had really gotten under his skin seeing me with someone else.

“Enough with the threats, you aren’t going to touch him,” I snapped, pissed that he was acting like this. He didn’t want me; he’d had his chance. “I swear to God Nate- “I began but was quickly cut off by him.

“You’re mine, Gi” he growled, punching the wall beside me and closing the gap again. Fear now overtook my body, but not because of him or his actions, instead scared of whatever he was about to say, scared I was going to just give in to himbecause he was my weakness, my drug. I took a breath, looking deep in his eyes, the message needed to be clear; he couldn’t play me like this.

“No. I’m not. You made that clear many times. you had a chance but your fear of commitment fucked us. I won’t ever be yours, not really.” I yelled back, tears pricking my eyes. His face was inches from mine. His breathing picked up as the hurt in his eyes flickered in the darkness. My own breathing picked up in fear, now directed towards him, fear that he was too drunk, too angry, too possessive and controlling at this moment.

His body pushed into mine against the wall and he boxed me in, my breath hitching. He ran a finger over my cheek softly as I swallowed the anxiety that crept into my throat, unsure of Nate right now. He was looking into my eyes, delicately moving a stand of hair off my face, twirling it in his fingers before tucking it behind my ear. His telltale sign clearly visible. I knew I was safe, he wouldn’t hurt me, not physically anyway. The feelings he had for me, seeping through the stone exterior around us.

“You're mine,” he whispered, a shaky breath fell from his lips as he confessed. “No matter how much I fight myself… I’m yours truly, you have my heart, Gi. You drive me crazy. You make me feel things I’ve never felt before and it scares the shit out of me. But seeing you withhim, I wanted to kill him for taking what’smine.”

Holy Shit. This was the confession I had been waiting to hear for the last couple months. It was music to my ears but, at the same time, I didn’t know what to say. This explained the hot andcold moments. Those small affectionate moments between us weren't my imagination. He had felt them too, they were natural, they were us. Whether we wanted to admit it and put a label on it or not. I had confessed my side but Nate never had. And right now, he was completely vulnerable and saying what I wanted to hear all along. My head was spinning.Was this part of his game? Is this even real?I was so confused.

“Nate…” I sighed, not sure how to respond. He pressed his forehead to mine and closed his eyes. “We can talk about this when you're sober.” He nodded softly, stepping back to let me go, his eyes afraid to meet mine. I couldn’t help but stare at this man before me. His confession filled my heart, giving me butterflies, but I worried it was the alcohol or maybe even drugs that gave him the confidence tonight before he simply retreats from me again when he’s sober. “You can crash on my sofa. I’m not letting you drive.” He handed me the keys to his car and I drove us back to mine. Nate didn’t say a word the whole journey and as soon as the door opened, he collapsed on the sofa. I went to grab a blanket and some pillows to make sure he was comfy. When I returned, I saw his jacket was tossed on the floor. I hung it up just as his phone beeped in his pocket. A text from Ivy lit uphis screen.

My heart sank knowing Ivy was worried sick and I couldn’t even tell her he was here, that he was safe and asleep. It would open a can of worms that I didn’t want to deal with this evening. I grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen and placed some aspirin beside it on the coffee table for him, for the morning. Then, a bucket by his head, just in case the contents of his stomach decided to break free in the night.

I tucked the blanket over him, watching this grown man settle on my sofa. He startled me as he grabbed my hand.

“Gi, thank you.” He planted a delicate kiss on it as he looked up at me.

“Get some sleep.” I smiled as he let my hand go, snuggling up to the blanket. I flicked the light off and stood by the door frame, watching the ‘perfect gentleman’ drunk and broken on my sofa, before I turned and headed to bed, leaving the door open just a crack, not completely shutting him out.

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