Page 24 of Yours, Truly

Ivy had messaged me last night, apologising for what had happened. It wasn’t her fault. I just wish I could have told her how heartbroken I was. That I had ended whatever situationship I had gotten myself into with Nate.

I got myself showered and dressed, making myself as presentable as I could to show my life wasn’t a mess right now. Brie would definitely use this against me today so better to conceal as best I could. I hadn’t heard from Nate. Not that I was expecting anything after the mutual break of our arrangement, but it didn’t stop me from checking my phone hoping he had contacted me, admitting he had made a mistake, that emotions had just been too high to function yesterday.

My brain replayed the conversation. I guess this was karma for lying and betrayingmy best friend.

I paired a grey knitted jumper dress with some knee-high boots, pulling my hair into a ponytail and adding that signature red lipstick to show I had total control, despite not being ready at all for today, but to give myself the confidence boost that I really needed. That feeling of not being good enough was already surfacing.

I pulled into my parent’s driveway, greeted by my sister’s luxury sports car already sitting on the drive. After my last encounter with her I really didn't want a confrontation, especially as I was still dealing with last night’s fall out. I was feeling a little emotional.

I let myself in and called out as I usually did, my parents rushing to the doorway in seconds to greet me with open arms.

“Hey, little bug.” My dad’s nickname hit the core and it took everything for me not to burst into tears. I managed to hold it together pretty well. Alcohol, Alcohol, Alcohol, I kept telling myself. I wanted to drink myself into oblivion.

Dad took my coat and overnight bag before he kissed my cheek while Mum instantly handed me a small glass of wine.Yes, thank you.I strolled into the living room where my sister was sitting with her husband. She was glancing at me, a smirk on her face.

“Nathan not coming?” She asked looking over my shoulder, a fake disappointed pout formed on her face when she saw me walk in alone.

“No, not today,” I smiled sarcastically, taking a sip of wine. I wasn’t going to give it to her today.

“Not broken up already, have you?” She laughed as she sipped her champagne, not removing her gaze from me. I glared at her, not giving her the satisfaction of a reply. “Oh, I see,” she said, when I didn't respond, “told you so,” she shrugged, before turning to James who was on his phone answering business emails. She linked her arm in his and pulled him close, showing off her ring and her affection towards her husband.

I sighed, downing my wine, before going to refill my glass. I wandered to the kitchen so I could be as far away from Brie before I did something I regretted. I wasn’t a violent person but I could only deal with so much and I was feeling on edge. Mum was making her famous Christmas trifle; layers of custard with sherry infused jelly and a whipped cream with colourful sprinkles on top. She noticed me pouring a huge glass watching me carefully.

“You okay baby?” She asked, focussing on me, nodding to the glass in my hand.

“Yeah fine, mama.” I smiled as I took a big gulp of the wine. I let the liquid burn as it slid down my throat. Emotionally, nothing could hurt me more than what I was already feeling but with two days in a row of chaos and family drama, I needed to feel a little physical pain or better yet, just get blind drunk and black out the shit that is my life.

I checked my phone and still nothing. Frustrated, I threw it on the counter top which drew mum’s attention back to me.

“Wanna talk about it?” She asked softly, knowing thatsomething was going on. My Mum was very supportive, but she knew not to push. Plus, after my sister’s revelation about my parents and my mental wellbeing, I thought it best to keep my situation to myself before they ship me to another counsellor.

“No, it's just complicated” I smiled, keeping it very vague before changing the subject. “Need help?” I asked. My heart skipped a beat, remembering Nate's offer to Ivy in her kitchen yesterday morning. The exact phrase.

“It's okay, dear. Just keep me company and catch me up on everything.” I raised my eyebrow at her failed attempt to get me talking. I sat down at the table and we spoke about her week, while she tried to make me laugh. It felt nice to focus on something else rather than my problems.

Dinner was delicious and I was stuffed after two feasts in two days. Mum wanted to give us left overs to take home so we could eat tomorrow without having to cook. She always worried that we weren’t eating enough.

We crashed on the living room sofas to watch some Christmas movies together. As I snuggled up to my father, he leaned in and kissed the top of my head. He knew I wasn’t okay and I had heard Mum speaking to him in the kitchen earlier, telling him she was concerned about me. That explains them doting over me all afternoon; they even let me choose the movie, which irritated my sister immensely. I picked The Grinch, not really feeling in the Christmas mood. I could relateto him hating people and the world right now.

My sister had spoken about herself most of the day, how well work was going and how a promotion was on the cards for James. She flaunted how perfect their marriage was, giving me a subtle lecture about relationships. I had indulged in more wine to blot her out and was now feeling a little merry. The credits rolled and in the spirit of Christmas, we put on another movie, just as Mum brought out more wine, now with cheese, crackers and lots of crisps and chocolate. I physically couldn’t eat anything else. Our Christmases were pretty chill and I was grateful for the distraction. This wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.

James and Brie had fallen asleep on the other couch and my parents were glued to the TV, still indulging in treats, when my phone started to buzz on the coffee table, making me jump. Nate’s name flashed up on the screen and I quickly pulled the phone to me so my parents couldn’t see who was calling. I excused myself and ran out into the garden. It was chilly but the amount of alcohol that pulsed through my veins made my body slightly warm.

I looked up at the night sky, taking a small breath, seeing it puff into a small cloud in the chilly air, before composing myself to answer the phone. I waited for him to speak. I had nothing to say right now.

“Gi,” he sighed. “Can we talk?”

“Why are you calling me Nate?” I replied casually, composed. The alcohol had given me confidence; I wasn’t afraid to standstrong.

“I'm sorry” was all he said, it frustrated me. I was expecting more.

“You made it very clear last night. There’s nothing to talk about. I’m done with this bullshit!” I snapped.

“Please, listen…” he begged. His tone was different, pleading, so I stayed silent, allowing him to speak. “Last night, my Dad got under my skin and it got too much.”

“What the hellwasthat?” I asked him sternly, surprised by the sharp tone that slipped from my mouth. I was pissed off with him. I needed answers and I wasn’t going to accept anything less this time.

“My Dad and I have a complicated relationship. Let's leave it at that.” He chuckled, trying to take control of the situation again. To leave me in the dark about the situation with his dad, which seemed to be ongoing, and clearly affected more aspects of Nate’s life than he dared to admit. He was denying the fact that this was, indeed, a problem.

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