Page 46 of First Comes Forever

“Home?” Alex asks, confused.

“Yeah, Elm has a park and on Fridays there’s usually an ice cream truck that rolls through. Maybe we’ll make a little day out of it.”

He clears his throat, trying to control his stupid, smug smile. “So you’re using my kid to play house with Amani? That’s your big play?”

“No play,” I grumble. “I told you we’re friends.”

“Okay, but just so you know, if that’s the play, I’m cool with it. In fact, go make your own baby. Carson needs a cousin.”

I open the driver side door. “Bye, Alex.”

He laughs as he gets out of the car and circles to the driver side of his vehicle, and I wait until he’s pulled out of the parking lot to head up the stairs. Following Amani’s instructions, I use my key to get into the condo. Pushing the door slowly open, I try to avoid any chance of creaking. All the lights are off except for the dim pendant lights dangling over the kitchen island. Looking past the open kitchen, there’s Amani, curled up under her pink comforter on an enormous mattress set up on the living room floor. She’s cradling a large lump under the covers.

“Hi,” she whispers.

“Hi,” I whisper back, making my way to her side of the mattress. Squatting down, I try to get as level to her as possible. “How’d you guys do?”

“So great. So, so many diapers.” She smiles and scrunches her nose.

“Ah, so that’s the smell,” I tease, forcing a small smile.

Her smiles fade as she scours my face and must see my strained expression because she asks, “Is your dad okay?”

“Yeah, he’s fine.” I try to keep my voice hushed as Carson stirs next to her.

She pouts her bottom lip and cocks her head to the side. “You look weary or maybe sad.”

I nod at her. “Maybe a little,” I offer. “I’m mostly just fucking exhausted.”

Reaching over Carson, Amani pulls back the covers on the other side of the mattress. She gently pats the empty space.

“Really?” I ask.

“It’s this or the hardwood floor, buddy.”

“Okay, then.” Making my way to the other side of the blow-up mattress, I debate taking my pants off. I usually sleep in my briefs, but between Carson and Amani sleeping next to me, it’s not an option tonight. I’ll have to swelter in my long athletic pants. I do, however, peel off my shirt and toss it aside. I’m careful as I settle onto the mattress, so as not to jostle Carson awake.

Once I’m under the covers, I ask Amani in a low whisper, “Are you sure this is okay?”

“You’re already here.”

“Yeah, but is it weird?”

“What could happen, Adam?” Amani asks in a hushed tone. “There’s literally a baby between us.”

ten

The bright sunlight seeping through the blind slats shines against my closed eyelids, coaxing me awake. I try to move, but I’m sandwiched between two mouth breathers. Carson’s burrowed so close against me that he’s drooling on my collarbone. Adam is spooning from behind, his heavy hand resting on my hip, the firm wall of his muscular chest lining my back, and his feet intertwined with mine. I’m sweltering, but I dare not move because despite the impending heat stroke, I don’t want this moment to end.

I can’t remember the last time I woke up feeling so content. Like I could waste an entire day just lying next to these two on this slowly deflating blow-up mattress. If nothing else, it’s validation that my desire to be a mom isn’t going anywhere. It’s not a passing fancy or an evasive tactic to avoid my job burnout.I want this.I want to wake up sweating, smothered in baby drool, maybe even next to a guy who uses me as a human body pillow because this is real, raw, and wonderful in all the right ways.

A loud ring coming from Adam’s phoneinterrupts the serene moment of playing make-believe with my pretend family. Carson’s big eyes shoot wide open, his crooked little smile following. Simultaneously, Adam removes his hand from my body and throws his hips backward so his morning wood is no longer pressed against my back.

“Shoot,” he mutters.

I untangle myself from Carson and spin around, making everyone jostle about like we’re lying on jello. Watching Adam’s sleepy eyes, I whisper, “There’s nothing to hide. Your partial’s been buried into my back for hours now.” I flash him a sassy, wicked smile. “Very impressive, by the way.”

He rolls his eyes, but his cheeks don’t turn red like mine do when I’m embarrassed. “Good morning, Amani,” he mumbles before scooting to the edge of the bed and standing. Unfortunately, it was the pressure of all of our weight localized in the middle of the mattress keeping it somewhat intact. Once Adam rises, the bed slumps and poor Carson goes rolling off the side, hitting the ground with a heavy thump.

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