Page 44 of First Comes Forever

But Adam was the most pleasant surprise I never could’ve guessed. The thought of me trying to get pregnant would make any playboy run. But I confessed my deepest, most treasured secret and instead, Adam found a way to get closer. I’m trying to hold onto this good feeling as long as I can.

“Mani, are you there?” Noa asks.

“Yeah, sorry. Lost in thought.”

“Whose kid?”

“A new client,” I lie. “I’m surprised he trusted me with his kid.” I force a chuckle, but the sentiment hurts my feelings.Why am I hurting my own feelings?

“Amani, you are the most trustworthy person I know. Well, except for your driving, but that aside, there’s a reason you’re Jonah’s favorite auntie.”

“That’s a dirty lie. Addie is his favorite. He always asks for her first.”

“Only because she always has candy.” Noa laughs. “But seriously, I hear it in your voice… Are you changing your mind about kids? Just so you know, if you ever decided to stop chasing that jet-setting single influencer life, I know you’d make a wonderful mom.”

She can’t see my tears starting to well up. “You mean that? Because I don’t think anyone else would agree with you.”

“Of course I do. I’ve known you since diapers. I’ve done the research. Anyone who disagrees can go pound sand.”Pound sand—the Noa equivalent of fuck off. She’s a mom of an almost five-year-old and has learned to filter the obscenities by now.

“Thanks, Nono. I love you.”

“Always. Love you too.”

“Okay, now that I know this toddler isn’t radioactive, we have a lot of catching up to do. How’s the hanky-panky with your new movie star boyfriend?”

She laughs. “You have a one-track mind, Mani. But honestly? I can’t remember ever being this…what’s the word? Giddy, I think. I feel like a teenager with a crush. He’s incredibly sweet and he’s so good with Jonah. I know I said it didn’t make sense, but I can picture our odd little puzzle-piece family, you know? Wes with Mandy, me with Chase, and all of us showering Jonah with the love and support he deserves. Am I crazy for thinking that’s possible?”

I smile into the phone as I run my hand up and down Carson’s back. He wiggles his butt, still melting under the affection. “Not at all. Anything is possible if you really want it, Nono. I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you,” she exhales into the phone.

I clear my throat. “But that’s not at all what I meant by hanky-panky. I’m going to need juicier details.”

“Such as?”

“Length, girth, endurance, or any special moves?” I burst out laughing, picturing her blushing.

“Good grief, Mani.”

* * *

adam

We stayed well past visiting hours. The staff knew better than to try to kick us out. Alex and I stayed with Dad until he couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore. He promised he’d call us tomorrow, and we promised we’d be here the next time he called.

I know in my heart only Alex and I will fulfill our promise. Dad won’t call tomorrow. But when he does, whether it’s next week or next month, we’ll be there like we always are. It’s the reason I don’t venture far from L.A. too often. Job aside, I’m tethered here, waiting for that phone call.

After throwing my car into park in the Elm Community parking lot, I look at Alex in the passenger seat. The dim glow of the street lamps against the dark night light up one side of his face as he stares forward. We were mostly silent on the drive back. I’m still put off about his confession about seeing Mom. But what’s the use? My brother is allowed to make his own decisions. He’s the only family I can count on. Why fight?

“You know, I never thank you for letting me drive,” I say, breaking the ice.

“What do you mean?”

I exhale and sink into my seat. “Every time we visit Dad, you never push to drive. You know I can’t stand being in the passenger seat.” It’s been a mental block since the car accident when I was eight. I can still see the blinding headlights coming from my right side. I was too young and shouldn’t have been riding shotgun, but I begged and begged. Mom caved. And it nearly killed me.

Most of the time, I blame her selfishness for leaving. Every now and then, I wonder if it was guilt. Maybe she felt like a failure as a mother. I wish I could tell her she never failed me a day in her life…until she left.

“Yeah, well, I know you’re a control freak.” Alex half-smiles as he reaches over and tries to give me a noogie. I lean away, but one of his knuckles still bores into my skull. “But hey, maybe that’s why you’re so rich.”

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