Page 108 of First Comes Forever

“No, you’re not,” I tell her, running my thumb over the top of her hand.

“No, I’m not,” she admits. “But it’s not just because of the pregnancy. It’s just… What was all this for, Adam? Why did I go through all of this? Why am I here? I’m having trouble seeing the purpose of this past year. I lost so much time, and for what?”

“You found me,” I say. “I’m still here.”

She gives me a small nod. “I know. I’m grateful for that,” she says ever so softly.

I know it’s not the right time to ask, but I can’t hold back any longer.I want the truth.“But it’s not enough, is it? You don’t want to be here anymore.”

She squeezes my hand gently. “Adam, I promised you I’d stay. So I’ll stay. Can we go home now? I don’t want to look at this hospital anymore.”

Wordlessly, I pull out of the parking lot. This early in the morning, the traffic is light. There are a few clusters of cars here and there, probably surfers headed to the beaches, trying to catch the first waves of the day.

When we get back to the condo, Amani asks for some privacy in the bedroom. She doesn’t want me to watch her strip the bloody sheets and try to clean the mattress. I know she’s a suffer in silence kind of girl, but didn’t we do this together? I’m not trying to be selfish, but I’m hurt and disappointed, too.

Over the past few months, Amani reminded me of the man I had always intended to become. I lost a part of me when my marriage broke. I thought for sure it was gone forever. It was painful to get a glimpse of what I wanted, just to have it ripped away yet again. But I imagine it’s ten times worse for Amani.

A baby was her hope. Her redemption. A family of her own was worth fighting for and made her believe in the good in this world.And now there’s no baby.I know in my heart she’ll never be happy here in L.A., which is a living reminder of everything she’s trying to walk away from. What she needs, I can’t give her. But I think I know who can. Selfishly, I don’t want to do the right thing because it means letting her go.

But what choice do I have? Isn’t that real love? Caring more about what someoneneedsthan what youwant?

When I hear the shower turn on from the bedroom, I settle into the living room couch and make a call that I know is going to change everything.

It barely rings twice.

“Adam?” Noa asks, concern filling her voice. “Is Chase okay?”

“Huh?”

“You never call me,” she hurries out. “I just assumed something was wrong.”

“Chase is fine,” I say, as far as I know. His filming schedule has him overseas at the moment and keeps him very busy. Any spare moment he has, he wants to talk to his fiancée, daughter, and soon to be stepson. I’m happy for my best friend.

“How’s Presley?”

Noa lets out a sweet hum. “She’s doing so good. She’s getting so big. You would’ve never guessed she was a preemie. I’ll send you some videos. We’re actually heading up to visit Kayla today.”

“Yeah? How’s she doing in rehab?”

“Wonderfully. Still sober and thriving. She has about thirty days left, I believe.”

“That’s good,” I murmur.

“Adam? What’s wrong?” Noa asks. “I get this feeling you’re upset.”

“Noa, almost a year ago now, I led you from an elevator, right into Chase’s arms, and told the entire world you were Chase’s new girlfriend. You could’ve freaked out, but you played along because you knew we needed help. You have an impressive knack for rolling with the punches.”

She laughs. “Yeah, that was one hell of a meet-cute. Have I mentioned I still haven’t forgiven you for that?”

I chuckle half-heartedly. “Well, it worked out, right?”

“That it did… So is this your way of asking me to roll with the punches again? Because I’m publicly engaged to your best friend. It’s not a great time for me to fake date anyone else.”

“Amani,” I say simply.

“I knew it,” Noa singsongs. “She’s been so tight-lipped about it, but I knew you two were messing around. Does Chase know? Because I’ve asked him a million times, and he’s said nothing—”

“Noa,” I interrupt. “I’m not just messing around with Amani. I’m in love with her.”

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