Page 105 of First Comes Forever

Inhumanly fast, he flicks on the lamp on his nightstand. As he pulls back the covers, he asks, “What do you mean you’re—”

He stops mid-sentence when he examines the sheets. His face falls, and he stares at the wall, trying to compose himself.

I’m too scared to look down. It’s not real until I see it. “It’s a lot, isn’t it?” I ask.

“Yeah, Amani. It’s a lot,” he says softly. “Are you cold?”

I must be shivering, but it’s not from the cold. “No.”

He’s breathing slowly, his eyes still on anything but me and the blood. After a few more silent moments, he scrambles out of the bed and heads into the closet. Adam returns with a pair of underwear, a dark pair of shorts, and a sweatshirt for me.

“Do you have any pads?”

“What?” I ask, sniffling.

“Baby, we have to go to the hospital.”

I curl into a ball and try to grab the comforter to cover my body. “There’s nothing they can do. It’s too early.”

Adam grabs my hand and finally looks at me. “We have to try, Amani. Please? For me?”

The last thing I want to do is go to the emergency room and sit in a waiting room for hours just for the doctor to tell me what I already know. But judging by the look on Adam’s face—twisted up like he’s trying not to cry—I know I just broke his heart.

It’s the least I can do.

“Pads are under the sink.” I reluctantly sit up as he disappears back into the bathroom and I finally look down.

My pink sheets are a goner. The mattress is probably ruined too. It’s been the longest fucking year for it to end like this. A complete roller coaster of up and down emotions has come to a close. False hope kept half-dangled over a cliff for what seems like an eternity.

Now, it’s over.

I remember something Holly told me back at Piermont about getting help before you need it. I think I understand. There’s a weight pressing on my chest. It’s making it hard to breathe and wearing me thin by the second. The room is suddenly tinted with a shadow, and I’m having the hardest time finding the motivation to move my feet.

I wish I knew what to do. Someone I could call. Tools I could use to combat the feeling of shutting down. It’s like a monster doubled back for his helpless prey. All I want to do is crawl back into bed and sleep. It takes every ounce of energy left in me to stand and stay focused on Adam’s voice as he dresses me.

“It’s okay, Amani. It’s going to be okay. I’m right here. We’re going to be okay.”

He says the words…

But I don’t believe them.

thirty

If I see one more nurse hem and haw, like we’re a major inconvenience, I’m going to punch through a wall. With my fists bunched at my sides, I try to maintain composure as I walk to the nurse’s station in the emergency room.

There are only three patients admitted. I’ve seen at least a dozen nurses sitting around, waiting. And I haven’t seen a damn doctor in the past four hours that we’ve been here.

The ER isn’t jam-packed. There’s no one with bullet wounds or in danger of losing a limb. So there’s no reason they should have us trapped in a patient room for this long. The rooms are glass boxes with no privacy except for the heinous green curtains. It’s drafty and the television cable is out. There’s no cell service. All Amani and I have for entertainment is the gossiping nurses and nurse assistants who don’t seem to realize their voices carry.

I tried to make jokes as a distraction, but the amount of effort it took for Amani to fake laugh wasn’t worth it. Here she is, going through her personal version of hell, and she’s trying to make me feel better.

It’s ridiculous. I just want to take her home.

“Excuse me, ma’am.”

“Yes, sir? Do you need help?” A new, chipper-looking nurse looks up from her computer. There must’ve been a shift change because she’s not acting disgruntled at all and has fresh energy. The other nurses seemed like they worked a triple and rolled their eyes every time I approached.

“They took my girlfriend’s vitals and drew her blood three hours ago. They said they’d be back within an hour. We think she’s miscarrying. No one has been by for a very long time. She’s scared and freezing in there. Where is the doctor?”

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