Page 94 of First Comes Forever

“Fair enough. Thank you.”

“All right,” I say, kicking my legs out and swinging them around. “I’m off to complete a Twizzler heist, but I’ll sneak away and call you tomorrow.”

“Twizzler heist?” He laughs. “Okay, summer girl, good night. Sweet dreams.”

“Good night, summer guy.”

twenty-six

An entire twenty-five-minute drive and Amani hasn’t said a word. I steal a glance at her as we pull into Elm Community. Amani is still staring at passing traffic, her forehead pressed against the passenger side window.

My gut is never wrong. I don’t know what happened today. I had total confidence Dr. Michel was going to give us the good news. Instead, he delivered another negative pregnancy test.

And now Amani is out of embryos.

Once I’ve parked, I place my hand on her knee. “Amani?” I ask.

She looks over, giving me a half-hearted smile. “Stop worrying. I told you I’m fine.”

Throwing my head against the headrest, I grumble. “I’m not.”

That gets her attention. She whips her head around. “You’re upset?” Her eyes are wide and her lips pursed. “Because I did my best. But maybe that trip to Colorado was too much stress on my body. I wish I—”

“Oh, baby.No.Good grief. That’s what you’ve been silently thinking the whole drive? That I’m upset with you?”

She hangs her head and folds her hands. “I should pay you back. IVF was too expensive to have nothing to show for it.”

“Amani Rhodes, I don’t want to hear that come out of your mouth ever again. Okay? Look at me.”

When she doesn’t, I unbuckle and exit the driver’s seat, then open the passenger side door. I squat down, bracing myself with both of my hands on her thigh. She wore a short, pretty floral dress today even though it’s January in California. Her hair is curled, and her makeup is light but meticulously applied. She was fixing up for a big day that was supposed to come with good news.

“You did great. This process wasn’t easy on you, and you handled it like a champ. Can we at least be proud of that? I’m sorry it turned out like this. But IVF was the best investment I’ve ever made because it brought us closer together. It just kills me I can’t fix this for you.”

“You must be worried,” she says with a more genuine smile than before. “Because you’re saying all the right things.”

Squeezing her thigh, I stay squatting, ignoring the uncomfortable strain on my knees. “I wish you’d cry or something. The silence is worrying me more.”

She sighs, then puts her hands over mine. “You want the truth?”

I’m tempted to tell her to lie to me, but that seems like banter for a different day…a different story. “Of course I do.”

“I’m relieved,” she admits.

“You didn’t really want a baby?”

Her forehead crinkles and she tilts her head to the side, like she pities my misunderstanding. “No, I did. Really bad. But at least it’s over now. I’ve felt so stuck for a long time. Just waiting around, hoping. My life for the past year was simply killing time until I could take another pregnancy test. Now that it’s truly off the table, I can move on. No more false hope.”

Amani unbuckles and swings her legs around so her feet are on the ground. I stand, then help pull her to her feet, shutting the car door behind her. She weaves her fingers in mine and squeezes as we make our way to the stairs.

“Dr. Michel said it could be a little early, though.”

“Adam. They did a blood test. They can detect even the faintest trace of HCG. You know it. I know it. Dr. Michel knows it. I’m not pregnant.”

We pause outside the condo door as Amani searches for her keys. “You made another appointment next week. He said he’ll run another test,” I say.

“It’s just a discharge appointment, Adam.” She abandons the search for her keys. “If I’m leaving his care, he wants to make sure everything is in order. It’s a pelvic exam and a physical. That’s it. It’s time to move on from the baby thing, okay?” Rising to her tiptoes, she kisses my cheek and then pulls her keys out of her purse.

“Okay,” I mutter.

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