Page 88 of First Comes Forever

“Definitely,” Adam replies. “But you can’t think of even one thing in L.A. you want?” He pumps his eyebrows at me playfully, but I know he’s asking a serious question.

I’m taking my time crafting my response in a way that won’t ruin this evening. But I must be quiet for too long because Adam jostles me in his arms. “Did I upset you?” he asks. “It wasn’t my intention.”

“No, not at all. It’s just… You have your life established here, but I see nothing in L.A. for me. It’s a daily reminder of everything I’m trying to leave behind. I’m sick of accumulating stuff, begging for attention, and living in fear of verbal lashings delivered by cowardly keyboard warriors. It’s not that I’m afraid, I’ve just outgrown it. I want to see things with my eyes, not through a lens. When something is beautiful, I don’t want my first reaction to be how I can create content from it. The world has enough content. Coming here, being in the midst of it all, showed me it was time for a drastic change. I probably should’ve left early in the summer, but you were the detour I never saw coming. I expected to like you, Adam, but I didn’t know I’d love you. Now, I don’t know what to do.”

“I understand,” he says, but his somber tone isn’t convincing.

“What about you? Would you consider coming to Denver with me?”

“Amani, I’m all my dad has. I can’t.”

I debate telling Adam that’s not necessarily true. Mr. Montgomery has Holly, Alex, and Carson. He has a wonderful support system at Piermont. Not to mention, Adam easily has the financial means to fly back and forth as he pleases. But if he’s using his dad as an excuse right now, it means he’s not ready. That, I understand, and I won’t push.

“True. We’ll figure it out when we get there.”

“Okay,” Adam says. His face is still frozen with worry. “So what’s next with IVF?”

Leaning forward, I grab the juice off the table and take a tiny sip of the tart beverage. It’s sweet and refreshing. Better than real Sangria, actually. “Dr. Michel thinks we should take a full cycle off before trying again. Statistically, a brief break increases your chances and I only have one more embryo. So one more round in December, and then that’s that.”

“And if you get pregnant, you’ll stay here? So I can help you?” he asks.

I blow out a deep breath. “I hate how that sounds, but yes.”

If I get pregnant, judging by how difficult IVF has been on my body, I will probably need Adam. As supportive and loving as my friends are, they have their own stories that need attention. Adam’s really the only one who can bein thiswith me.

“And if you don’t get pregnant?” he asks. I say nothing. I just hang my head. Adam rubs my shoulders, then squeezes. “Hey, babe, forget it. I’m here to cheer you up tonight, okay? Let’s table this conversation until we have to have it. You’re mine at least until December, summer girl.”

Summer girl.I know it’s just a nickname, but it feels like an accusation. We’re approaching winter, but in California, the whole damn year feels like summer. Was this always our destiny? We fall in love and then rip each other’s hearts out when we go our separate ways?

Is this how all summer love ends?

twenty-four

Parked in the driveway of Chase’s beach house, I roll down the window and breathe in the salty breeze. The exhaustion of stress and worry over the past couple of weeks is still weighing on me.

Chase’s daughter was supposed to arrive in January, but she was born a month early in the most scary, dramatic circumstances. Kayla’s preeclampsia escalated to eclampsia, and the only solution was an emergency C-section with baby girl Ford arriving four weeks too soon.

I haven’t spent that much time in a hospital since the car accident from my childhood. I barely left the waiting room, feeling useless, but knowing all I could do to support Chase was just be there. Never have I ever seen my best friend so distraught.

The only person in the world who could comfort him rode in like the calvary, determined to save us all. Noa dropped everything she was doing to fly in from Denver and take care of us all. She comforted Chase, talked Kayla into the emergency C-section to save her life and the baby’s, and she even pulled the graveyard shift, holding the baby so Kayla and Chase could rest.

Cici, Mark, Jay, and I were all there, but we didn’t know what to do until Noa instructed us. She was moving us like chess pieces—sending us off to purchase Kayla comfortable robes and loose-fitting tops so the doctors had easy access to check her incision. Guarding the hospital doors and scouring for any brave paparazzi who dared to sneak onto the delivery floor. Personally, I was on water cup duty. I filled Kayla’s giant hospital jug with ice water at least eight times every day I was there. Apparently, breastfeeding women need to drink the equivalent of a swimming pool a day. I didn’t mind, though, not knowing how else to show my support.

Until today, that is.

I wish Amani were here. She’s a professional at making awkward situations far more tolerable, but she’s watching “Operation Chase Gets His Girl Back” from Denver live, at their annual girls’ trip to the lodge. After Chase saw Noa at the hospital, his fate was sealed. The minute Kayla and the baby were discharged from the hospital and comfortable at home, Chase packed a bag, booked a flight, and told me he was about to lay it all on the line. He had to at least try to get Noa back.

All he asked of his friends was that we check on Kayla and the baby while he was away. Cici popped by yesterday. Tonight, it’s my turn.

A little uncomfortable. I don’t think I’ve been alone with Kayla for at least two years, and I’m pretty sure that was the instance I told her to let the door slam on her lying, cheating ass on her way out of our lives. Sue me. She broke my best friend’s heart. I was allowed to be angry.

After rolling up my car window, I grab the box of Chinese food takeout from the passenger seat. I make my way to the front door and push the doorbell with my elbow. Kayla answers through the intercom, able to see me through the security camera.

“Adam? I thought Jay was coming over tonight.”

“Nope. Jay went out of town. I brought dinner.” I’m sure Kayla prefers Jay’s company. He’s a teddy bear—a muscular one—but he’s easygoing and gets along with everyone unless they physically threaten Chase. He doesn’t hold a grudge against Kayla the way I do.

“Oh,” she says.

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