Page 69 of First Comes Forever

I give him a small nod, sucking in my lips. Ah, fuck it. I’m going to cry. But at least this time these are tears of overwhelming happiness and gratitude. “All the pictures and at least one holiday a year, I promise.” I check the yes box and scribble my name on the note, just for good measure.

“Good.” He turns to grab the takeout container, setting it on the mattress between us and proceeding to cut up the lemon-flavored pancakes. My stomach surges awake at the aroma and I’m reminded that I’m starving. My appetite has been nonexistent with all the stress, but with Adam constantly around feeding me, I’m bound to gain a few happy pounds.

He pierces a wedge of the stacked pancakes with the plastic fork and dabs it in the thick yellow custard and whipped cream topping. “Open up,” he says before pushing the fork into my mouth.

All he hears is my appreciative moans as I try to chew with my mouth closed.

“Do you like it?” he asks. I respond by swallowing my bite and opening my mouth again, requesting another bite.

“Good girl. You don’t eat enough. I’m going to fix that.” He sets the little stuffed pickle next to me before proceeding to prep another fork full of the fluffy, lemon-flavored pancakes. “Now you’ll get to give that to your baby after all.”

“This is what you meant earlier by the baby toy?”

“Yeah, I mean, you were clearly manifesting.” Adam holds out another bite of pancakes for me to take. “Broke my heart that you’re out here buying baby items and to have all that ripped away from you. I just couldn’t watch that happen.”

seventeen

I’ve been in Dr. Michel’s exam room so many times before, in this same thin paper robe, perched on this exam table with my feet dangling the same way. But today is different. I’m not alone.

“What are you staring at?” I glance at Adam, who is staring at a poster containing the steps of IVF.

“There are so many parts of the vagina I didn’t know existed,” he mumbles.

I snort to myself. “That’s okay, buddy. You know where the important parts are.”

“First of all, thank you for that.” He tears his gaze away from the poster and winks at me. “But I didn’t realize IVF involved so many needles. I don’t like the idea of them poking you so much. Look,” he says, pointing over his shoulder to step two, which involves the first round of hormone injections.

“You think that’s bad? Look at the needle in step six. That’s how they get the eggs out.”

Adam’s jaw drops as he gawks in horror. “I thought that was a really long arrow pointing to the egg. That’s a fucking needle they are going to stick through your lady business?”

“Did you just say ‘lady business?’”

“That’s torture, Amani. I can’t let you go through that.”

I stifle my giggle because I don’t want to ruin this. I’m kind of enjoying being fussed over like this. Since summer started, Adam has advanced from my summer guy to something more. He sleeps over every night, and for the past few weeks, it’s been nothing but laughing, sex, cuddles, and eating at all of Adam’s favorite restaurants. I even caved and let him buy me a bed and some other basic furniture. He said it was more for the health of his back than anything. But I know that’s bullshit. He’s told me several times that he prefers a very firm mattress, whereas I like a fluffy, soft mattress. The bed he had delivered felt as soft as a cotton ball.

This would be so much easier if we found each other in a year. I probably would’ve put the baby thing to rest. Adam’s and my relationship could be far more straightforward. We don’t really talk about what happens when I move back to Denver. Adam can’t leave his dad. I’m eager to get back to my mom and friends. This baby I’m trying to conceive may or may not change everything. Basically, I’m trying not to think too much about the future.

“Hey, I wanted to tell you something before we start all of this,” I say, rubbing my fingers against my thigh.

Adam swivels on the doctor’s stool he’s borrowing as we wait. “What’s up, summer girl?” Our situation may have changed, but the nickname stuck.

“I’ve been thinking that I’m going to shift careers, so to speak.”

“What?” he asks, his brows furrowing in question.

“I want this baby to have a mom who is in the best possible mindset. I’ve been looking for opportunities outside of being an influencer. Specifically web design and graphic design. It’s more along the lines of what I studied in school, but I have to take some refresher courses.”

Adam holds up his finger and rotates his wrist, gesturing to the room. “Amani, I’m doing this for you regardless of what job you have. You know that, right?”

“It’ll be a huge pay cut.”

“Remember our contract? You and this baby will never be hungry or homeless. I promise you that.”

“That’s why I’m telling you this. I’m not quitting the influencer stuff because I think I can rely on your wallet. I thought long and hard about this, and I see where I’m struggling and it’s time to make changes instead of staying stuck. So I won’t be raising my kid on steak and lobster, but he’ll have a happier mom.”

“He?” Adam asks.

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