Page 58 of First Comes Forever

“Snazzy as usual,” she snarks.

“You know what I think we’re doing wrong?” I ask.

“Being heterosexual?”

I ignore her sarcasm. “I don’t think we’re connecting properly. I’ve been thinking lately, especially on social media when you kind of fabricate your reality, you’re stuck in your lies to maintain a persona. But if you’re honest with someone about who you are and what you really want, and they still want to connect, sex would probably be explosive.” It seems to be that way with Adam. We haven’t even had sex yet, but I can still feel his electric fingertips on me. My newest addiction.

Reese is quiet on the line for a while and it’s just the distant sound of honking horns and squawking seagulls. “You still there?” I ask.

“Yeah.” Reese clears her throat before continuing. “I’m torn between asking if you’re seeing someone or asking if you’re okay.”

I exhale. “Why does everyone keep asking me that? Outside of missing a couple of girls’ nights, which I hate to tell you—samosas, sangria, andSex and the Cityis really hard to enjoy with you guys over video chat—nothing’s changed. Every time I talk to you guys, someone asks me if I’m okay. I’m still the same me I’ve always been. Why is there such a spotlight on how I’m doing?”

“Oh, babe,” Reese exhales. “The problem with having friends who have been attached at the hip for over a decade is we can tell when you’re being yourself, and you’retryingreally hard to be yourself.”

“Fair enough,” I force out.

“As curious as I am about your whole ‘connecting for great sex’ monologue, I’m going to go with the latter. Are you okay?”

Of all my friends, I can only trust Reese with my next request. “If I tell you the truth, will you promise not to press the issue?”

“Yes.”

“I’m struggling. But I need some time to figure out some things on my own.”

She sighs. “If you came home, we could struggle together. My lease is up in a few months. I could ask for a two-bedroom. Just like old times.”

Old times? I roll my eyes at the notion. If she only knew. We’d get a tiny two-bedroom apartment together in metro Denver. It’d be me, Reese, and the baby she doesn’t know I’m desperately trying to make into a reality.

“Then again,” she continues, “the way my hair sheds drives you insane, so maybe you’d be better off at Quinn’s uppity place, or Addie’s total shithole. Or, if Noa’s summer doesn’t end in total disaster, she’ll still have a house in the suburbs.”

“Can you picture me as a suburbs girl?” I ask with a scowl. Although lately, I think I could.

“Good point. Well, your city girls still have your back. My point is, when you’re ready, you have options. Whatever you’re going through, we were here at the start, we’ll be here at the end. When you’re ready, babe.”

“Thank you.”

“And check your mailbox for your pickle,” she says with a laugh. “Addie wants pictures. She apparently custom ordered all of these from Etsy. It’s embroidered with your initials.”

“That’s every girl’s dream. Her name on a pickle.”

Reese laughs. “Agreed.”

“Shit, she probably sent it to my old address, though. I’ll go check—”

“You moved?” she asks.

“I didn’t renew my lease, so I’m bunking at a friend’s place in the same complex. All that changed is the apartment number.”

“Mhm…afriend?” Reese asks, her singsong tone insinuating she knows exactly what I’m hiding.

“You said you wouldn’t press.” I really don’t know how to explain Adam. He’s best kept a secret. Mostly because I know I’m being a little reckless and irresponsible investing my emotions in something that I know will end. Adam and I are an impending heartbreak in the making.

My call waiting beeps and I pull my phone from my ear to check the ID. “Hey, I have to go. It’s my mom’s treatment clinic.”

“Okay, but I’m changing your nickname from ‘Hollywood’ to ‘Secrets.’ Love you. Call us more, okay?” She makes a kissing sound and ends our call.

I wait for another ring before answering the next call. Based on the constriction in my chest and the way my heart is pounding, my intuition is telling me this can’t be good. The facility never calls me, they only email. Something is off.

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