Page 50 of First Comes Forever

“This must be killing him,” Alex says with a wicked smile. He presses against the top of my other breast and nods like he’s satisfied. “Okay, everything is intact. You can put your bra back on. What I’d recommend is a steroid to reduce all the inflammation and then you can decide which method of treatment you’d like to try.”

Turning my back to Alex, I put my bra back on and pull down my shirt. Spinning back around, I hold up one finger. “Wait. Can I ask one more question?”

“Of course.”

“With implants and my nipples pierced, is breastfeeding an impossibility?”

Alex widens his eyes, surprised by my question. “Are you pregnant?”

“No,” I assure him. “I just mean if I were to become pregnant. Isn’t breastfeeding best for a baby? Did I already fuck that up? When I got my breasts done, I didn’t think I’d ever want kids.”

“First of all, in most cases, women with implants can breastfeed without any issues. Second of all, breastfeeding is a personal choice. Tara struggled to nurse. Carson started on formula almost right away and he’s blowing past all of his milestones. Actually, he’s too smart. I wish he’d slow down. I blinked and my baby disappeared. He’s a little boy now and I miss the baby years already.”

“Would you have another?” I blurt out before I can stop myself.

“With Tara? In a heartbeat. But good luck convincing her,” he says with a bitter undertone.

“Please understand, I donotmean with me, but would you have a baby with another woman?”

Alex shakes his head. “I was a different man when Tara and I were, uh…let’s say hanging out.”

“So you mean sleeping together, no strings attached.”

“Right,” he says, shifting his weight to his other leg and crossing his arms. “I didn’t think I’d ever want to settle down, but when Carson came along, my whole world came into focus. All I want is my family to be together, but I don’t think Tara’s convinced I’ve really changed. She thinks my rose-colored glasses are temporary. So I’m just hanging around, biding my time…booking ridiculously expensive Disney vacations.” He laughs.

“Ha, well, if you’ve come around, maybe Adam will too.” I suck in a sharp breath and clasp my hand over my mouth. “Shit, that came out wrong. Please don’t tell him I said that. I just meant he’s so good with Carson, I’m surprised he doesn’t want kids.”Dammit.I mentally scold myself for losing my cool. Brothers talk. That was tactless.

“You know, Amani, once upon a time, all Adam wanted was to have a baby and be a dad. He got really close.”

I try to keep my face composed. Adam mentioned an ex-wife. He never mentioned a baby. “What do you mean?”

Alex twists his lips. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned it. If he hasn’t already brought it up to you, I don’t think it’s my place to say anything more.”

I nod adamantly, trying to hide my disappointment. Of course I’m curious. Now I’m going to ruminate on this little mystery for the foreseeable future. What a freaking riddle. What does it mean that all Adam wanted was a baby and he got really close?

“Regarding everything else, I’ll text you the number to my practice. I’ll make sure my office manager knows to squeeze you in right away.”

“Thank you. I really appreciate it.”

“Of course. Okay, I’m going to go put my brother out of his misery,” he says with a cackle. “But, Amani, I really hope the baby thing works out for you.”

“Thanks,” I say with a genuine smile. “And hey, I hope the baby thing works out for you, too.”

Alex opens the door to find Adam standing there with his fist raised as if he was about to knock again.

“Were you eavesdropping?” Alex asks.

Adam balks. “What? No, I—”

“Subtle, Adam,” Alex says with a hearty chuckle. “Real subtle.”

eleven

“I’m not a man who gets jealous,” I explain to my nephew. I’m sure if Carson wasn’t two and more concerned with blowing spit bubbles at the moment, he’d call me on my shit. Obviously, I’m jealous. It’s been ages since my brother followed Amani into the bedroom. How fucking long does it take to glance at a scar and recommend some pills. What the hell is going on in there?

I hate feeling this uncomfortable. One of the benefits to keeping a revolving door of women who are equally disinterested in a serious relationship is never feeling likethis.There’s a ball of fire in my chest and there’s nothing I can do about it. Actually, incorrect. I think taking a bat to the back of Alex’s head would make me feel a bit better at the moment.

“Okay, buddy, here’s the plan.” I lift Carson and place him on the kitchen island so we’re closer to eye level. “I want you to go to the bedroom door, knock, and cry. Make it really dramatic. Can you say ‘Daddy, help’ really loud? Then I’ll be out here faking a heart attack. That should break up whatever is going on in there.”

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