Page 40 of First Comes Forever

My response sounds candid. I gave all the details, matter-of-fact. I don’t know how to properly convey the emotional wreckage I went through.

I was betrayed. I was justified in leaving her. But divorcing a pregnant woman in her third trimester, after she dropped to her knees and begged me to stay made me feel like the real villain. But I couldn’t live with the constant reminder that the woman who was my entire world betrayed me in the worst way. I wouldn’t be able to look into that baby’s eyes and feel anything but anger.

Dad scoots out his chair and stands. He rests his feeble hand on my shoulder and lightly squeezes. “I’m sorry. I need a moment, son. I’ll be back.” He starts down the walking path, slowly, methodically. One careful step in front of the other as if he’s afraid he’ll collapse.

I glare at Alex, on the opposite side of the firepit table. “Feel good about yourself?”

“Adam,” he grumbles, “we do this your way nine out of ten times. I get why you hate telling him about Liv. But I miss him too. If you had a child, you’d want to share that with your mom and dad.”

I exhale. He has a point. Maybe my desire to escape the past is selfish and I should—

Wait.“Momand dad?” I ask, my tone growing accusing. “Did I hear that right?”

Alex ducks his head and lifts his eyes, a warning flare in them. “Yes.”

I narrow my eyes. “What’re you saying?”

He theatrically rolls his eyes and grumbles before he beats his fist against his forehead.

“That’s a little dramatic, don’t you think?” I’m trying to stay calm, but the agitation is bubbling under my skin.What the fuck is going on?

“If I tell you something, do you think you can be reasonable?”

“No,” I snark. “But tell me anyway.”

He holds his hands together and taps his pointer fingers against his lips. “Carson hangs out with his grandma a couple of times a month. She takes him to the bounce house place and movies and stuff. He loves her.”

Pressure builds behind my eyelids. This is too fucking much today. Dredging up the Liv shit, and now Mom, too? “Well, warn him not to get too attached. She’s slippery.”

“Adam,” Alex scolds.

“No, don’tAdamme. I’m not fucking crazy, right? You were there.”

“I was where?” He’s using the same tone he does with Carson when he’s in the middle of a toddler meltdown.

“The car, when we got T-boned by some jackass going the wrong way down the bypass. We rolled, spilled our lunch, and when the paramedics got there, we were covered in spilled milkshakes, fry crumbs, andblood. Remember that?”

“Yeah, Adam,” Alex says, touching the top of his forehead where the faintest trace of his scar is still visible. “I remember.”

“Okay,” I continue, “and remember how our momleft us, right after? We were still wearing the damn hospital wristbands when she dipped out. And now she’s playing world’s greatest grandma to your son? You don’t see anything wrong with that?”

The birds are quiet now. Maybe my yelling scared them away.

“Her mental health was already unstable, and the accident put her in shock. She was driving. She got hurt too. Mom made a mistake. I’m not saying she didn’t. Don’t look at me like that.”

“Like what?”

He presses his palm against his chest. “Like I’m being disloyal.”

I’m on my feet now, pushing back my chair. It screeches against the stone patio.

“Look, I’ve been waiting for the right time to bring it up, but she wants to see Dad…and you. It was two decades ago, and now, it’s time to forgive her.”

I laugh silently at the notion.Forgive her?“You were seventeen. I was eight, Alex. Maybe you were grown up, but I needed my fucking mom and she chose to leave. You do what you want, but I don’t want to see her, and she better not come here. Dad doesn’t need that kind of stress.”

Alex scoffs. “Are you afraid?”

“Excuse me?”

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