Page 38 of Sideline Play

Minor crisis averted, I settle back into the cradle of his legs, my hand slipping over to his hip and massaging the site of his surgery. As the stiffness begins to melt and a muted groan vibrates along my back, I pick up where I left off, keeping myself grounded by continuing to touch Remington.

“I was helping Callum get ready for finals, going over our notes and his testing strategies in my dorm. Unless I needed to reserve one of the practice labs, we always met in my dorm. Mysuitemate was never around and with all the girls on my floor, his presence in the building wasn’t called into question.

“With it being finals, he was super nervous. He had barely squeaked by at midterms, and that’s how we got placed together. So I wasn’t the least bit surprised or put out when our afternoon session crept on into the evening. I mean I was supposed to meet Ro at the house and hang out, but when Callum didn’t seem confident, I shot my brother a text saying I had a last minute session and that was that.

“When Cal was getting ready to leave, Ro called to check in on me and like the lumbering jerk he was, Cal started dragging his feet and feigning all of a sudden not knowing the material, promising to be extra quiet while I talked to Ro so he wouldn’t find out about our Romeo and Juliet doomed love affair.

“It was funny. I was laughing so hard as I tried to drag him to the door and push him out, and all the while he dramatically quoted lines from the play back at me. Finally he relented, gave me a side hug, thanked me for everything, and wished me luck on my own finals. It was all so innocent. No one could have misconstrued it for anything else so I think… I think Castor was just spoiling for a fight and grasped the first thing that was presented to him.

“I hadn’t expected to see him. Didn’t think he’d actually come check on me after I canceled on Ro. I don’t even know why he did, but he was there, in my building, on my floor, watching the whole thing. He was all charm and charisma when he bumped fists with Cal, joking about Ro shitting a sideways brick over this. But the second Cal was gone… God Remi, I thought I was gonna piss myself right there over how fast Castor’s demeanor changed. I wasterrified.”

It’s not until I feel his hands making friction over my arms that I realize I’ve begun to shake, the tremors reaching all theway down to my fingers, my teeth chattering, and my speech unintelligible as I begin to stutter profusely.

“Shh… baby girl… I’ve got you. You’re right here with me.” Joining our hands, he raises them up to my blurred eyes and coos, “See? You’re with me. Nothing bad can reach you. I won’t let it. I’ve got you, baby... Shh…”

His voice washes over me, slowly sweeping the clawing anxiety away. Each stroke, each caress of words, working to push things further and further back until I feel like I can breathe again.

“That’s it, Scar, just breathe with me. You’re safe.”

“I’m safe.”

“Nothing can reach you here.”

“I’m safe.”

“Exactly, baby.”

“I’m safe,” I repeat so quietly I’m not even sure I said it out loud as I close my eyes and breathe along with Remi’s steady rhythm, trying to remain grounded.

SIXTEEN

SCARLET

The sky is beginningto glow by the time I’m ready to finish telling Remington the rest of my history, the night having slipped away. The mountains are encased in a calm silence with the nocturnal animals having gone to bed but the early birds having yet to wake. The day is gearing up to be new, fresh, and embraced with open arms. It’s an overly lyrical thought that has me plunging forward so I can be done before the sun. So I too can begin fresh and new with Remi, my past put not to bed but in an unmarked grave where it belongs.

“I thought I had already seen the worst he had to offer, but even that had been carefully constructed so only the faintest of traces were revealed,” I whisper. “I tried to slam the door closed but he was faster, stronger. He shoved it open, pushed me into the dorm with so much force I fell over and hit my head on the entrance table while he kicked the door shut and locked it. I was so disoriented. It was like things were moving through syrup. Then all at once it came rushing in with full clarity as he grabbed me by my hair and lifted me up to look at him.

“He was in a full on rage as he accused me of sleeping with Callum, O’Mally, Reeves, even Roman. Saying I was a whore andspreading it for everyone but him and it was gonna end tonight. That they wouldn’t be able to make fun of him any longer. I tried to fight him off but I couldn’t. I didn’t learn how until after. Could’ve used that skill that night, but that’s how it goes I guess.

“Anyway,” I trail off, looking over my shoulder to be sure Remington hasn’t fallen asleep, his breath even, body still. Eyes still alert and focused right on me, he silently nods so I continue on.

“He used his hold on my hair to drag me through my room. He threw me onto the bed and pinned me down, shoving my face to the side as I tried to kick and scratch at him. When I wouldn’t comply, he punched me.

“After that, I was crying and trying to scream but he kept my mouth covered and uh…” Lifting two fingers up to show Remington, he swears, “Mother fucker, I could kill him,” as I say, “He wanted to be sure I was ‘ready.’

“No one talks about the third F when adrenaline floods your veins, freeze. By not talking about it, I think it adds a layer of shame to what people like me experience. But it can happen; it does happen. You just… freeze…

“The moment he uh… he did it, I froze. I don’t even remember everything. Only that when I felt myself… come,” I croak out, “It unlocked the fight in me again. God, I felt so sick and betrayed over my body doing that to me. It wasn’t his and it made me so angry that he took that from me—from you or whoever should’ve gotten to have that first experience with me.”

Wiping my tears on my shoulder, I say, “Had it not been right by my ear, I don’t think I would’ve heard it. But right there, against my ear, his watch beeped with a notification from my brother of all people. That spark of hope and my anger had me fighting so much harder.

“Instead of fighting him physically, I worked to get a hold of his watch. I have never in my life been so thankful for moderntechnology. It made it so easy to call Roman. And once I did, I yanked it off of him and threw it across the room. I could just barely hear my brother but he could hear me and what was happening, and I knew I would be safe. And once Castor knew, he ran. Left me there without a second thought and ran as fast as he could.”

Stopping Remington as he goes to speak I say, “I can’t tell you everything about Roman. His past isn’t my story to share. But trust me when I tell you all of this really messed him up. The years of therapy he went through after coming to live with us, it was like the slate was wiped clean and he was reverted to factory settings.

“Being with me means there are times when my brother will come first. It won’t be often, it may not ever happen again, but it could and I need you to know that. I need you to know that what I did after, I did to protect him.”

“Okay…”

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