Page 37 of Ours to Keep

He winks when he finds me staring, and I can’t help but flush slightly.

“I panicked when I woke up and you were gone, and then I heard the toilet flush.”

“Sorry,” I say, clearing my throat and turning off the tap. I shake off the excess water as he passes me a small hand towel. I arch a brow as I dry my hands.

“Bet you didn’t expect Jax to have such nice amenities, right?”

“Hmm, I guess I never really thought about it. Maybe I would have expected something a little more, bachelor pad-ish.” I cringe at my own words. Stereotype much?

River throws his head back and laughs. It feels like a lifetime ago since I saw a flicker of his previous self. Since I woke up in hospital, he’s been so much more serious than I could have imagined.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m aware of how powerful these men are. I sparred with River when he was teaching me self-defence. It’s something I scoff at now, because what fucking use did it do me when I needed it the most, with those times I was a weak, pathetic woman.

Before I can think better of it, I step forward, wrap my arms around his waist, and rest my cheek against his chest.

His laugh cuts off as he wraps his arms around me, holding me to him.

“I love it when you laugh,” I whisper into his t-shirt, a mix of his scent and Jackson’s surrounding me—masculine, powerful and something else I can’t quite name.

He doesn’t reply, just holds me in the middle of the homely guest bathroom. After what feels like no time at all, he pulls back slightly and dips his head, eyes on mine. Today they remind me of coppery brown humbug sweets.

“Did you need help showering or anything?” he asks, searching my face.

I need to shower, but the thought of him seeing me undressed when I can barely look at myself fills me with dread.

“No, I’ll be okay.” I have waterproof gauze, and I won’t be washing my hair. That thought makes my nose scrunch. I wonder if Avery packed me any dry shampoo.

“Okay, I’ll be in the living room if you need me. Do you want a cup of tea? Jax has that Earl Grey you like.”

I lean back, surprised that Jax has my favourite tea—first the juice and now the tea—but then quickly shake it away. Lots of people drink it, it’s not like he went out of his way to buy it for me, or anything ridiculous. And of all the things I could be thinking about right now, I’m analysing Jackson Donovan’s tea choices.

“Yes, please, thank you.”

River smiles and then leans down. For the briefest of moments, I think he’s about to kiss me, and I’m overcome with a sudden prick of panic at the thought. Not of him kissing me, but the fact my breath likely stinks something chronic.

Thankfully, his lips press against my forehead for a few seconds.

And that makes my stomach flutter, the feel of his soft lips and slight stubble pressing against my skin, an innocent kiss but one that feels intimate at the same time.

He backs away and only turns when he reaches the door, leaving me alone in the bathroom. My breath catches at the thought of him closing it behind him and locking me in but I sigh in relief as he leaves it ajar.

I glance over to my vanity case resting on the counter and move to unzip it. All of my toiletries are neatly inside, but a note catches my attention.

Lils, remember you are braver and stronger than you realise. I know you’re hurting, both physically and emotionally, but you’ll get through this. And you have me always. Phone me as soon as you can. Love you, Avery.

PS, you and I are due a conversation about what’s going on with you and your guys.

A drawing of a winky face and what might be an aubergine is at the bottom.

I let out a little laugh. Now that’s something I need time to prepare for, because even if I could talk about it, what would I say? But staring at the wordsyou and your guysmakes me blush and my stomach flutter. But then I’m instantly racked with guilt. It’s selfish of me to feel anything, especially with Mia gone. I take a deep breath, steadying myself for the wave of pain it brings, and stare at my reflection. My under eyes are hollow and heavily shadowed even though I’ve mostly slept the past few days. Yet I don’t think I’ve ever felt fatigue quite like this—the weight of everything that’s happened playing heavily on my mind. I need to pull myself together; I know that and yet I feel stuck in this weird place, like this isn’t real.

After a quick rinse in the shower, as quickly as my body physically allows, I carefully dry off and change into some fresh clothes Avery packed for me. Grateful to find my favourite oversized sweater andpair of my thick leggings, the soft fabric comforting against my skin.

When I step out into the living room, to my surprise, it’s Elliot, not River, seated at the table—a steaming cup of tea on a coaster opposite him.

“Morning, sweetheart. I sent River home to shower, so you get me for breakfast.”

My cheeks heat. I know it wasn’t meant as an innuendo, but I can’t help the visual that filters through my mind of me on my knees for him.

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