Page 35 of Ours to Keep

I look away, my shame intensifying. “But your sister…”

“She has one thing on her side that I never did. She’s hisdaughter, and deep down, I have to believe he won’t ever hurt her the way he has me.” Lily shakes her head, her eyes glistening in the dim light. “You need to forgive yourself, Jackson, for me, please.”

It’s a splash of ice-cold water, the plea in her voice. I’m making this about me when it should be about her and her feelings, not mine or my fucking ego.

Lily’s eyes begin to droop, her exhaustion once again taking over. “Get some rest,”I murmur. Moving onto my side, I brush some of her hair from her face. “Sleep, Duchess.”

“She’s right, you know,”River says quietly. His tired eyes find mine over Lily’s shoulder. “You carry too much shit on your shoulders. You always have. We all fucked up, Jax.”

“It’s not the fucking point, Riv,”I say in a resigned whisper, conscious of the now-sleeping Lily.

“Well, you’re not the only one struggling right now, Jax. This is about her, not us.”He might be whispering, but his words still hold a hard edge.

I let out a heavy sigh. “Don’t you think I already know that?”

“I know you do, but it deserves repeating. All I’m saying is together, we’re stronger than we are apart, and if we all keep getting lost in our heads, how are we ever going to fix this?”

“And what happens afterwards? When she returns to her life, you really think she’ll be happy for this, whatever this is, to continue?”

The back of River’s knuckles brushes against my thigh as his fingers circle over her hip.

“I have no idea. But it’s not unheard of. People have multiple partners all the time.”

I raise my brows. “Yeah, but how the fuck would it work? Do we have to book out days? Use a calendar?”

His eyes darken. “I have no idea, Jax. I guess we’ll have to wait and see.”

His gaze returns to Lily as he watches the rise and fall of herchest, not to stare at her breasts but an unconscious need to know she’s here, that she’s safe, and she’s alive.

“Fuck, yeah, you’re right.”

Lying here, I listen to the storm outside and the rhythmic breathing of Lily and River.

Eventually, I force myself to get up and leave them alone to sleep.

I still feel unworthy of being in the same room as her, yet I’m powerless to stop myself from being close, drawn to her, needing to know she’s here.

Grabbing my phone, not bothering with shoes, I slip out the front door, the automatic lock engaging as I head across the hallway, hold my palm over Elliot’s keypad and let myself inside.

His office door is open, and as I suspected, he’s hunched over his keyboard, eyes on his computer screen.

“Hey, man,”he says without even looking up.

“I left Lily sleeping with River,”I reply in greeting.

He nods. “Yeah, I figured he’d need to be close. How is she doing?”he asks, fingers flying over the keys. It’s almost musical the way he’s able to type.

I scrub my jaw and drop down into the chair opposite him.

“Honestly, I have no idea. Physically, of course, she isn’t. Mentally and emotionally, I’m more concerned.”

He stops typing and sits back, giving me his full attention.

“I’d feel better if she were angry with me. Blamed me as much as I blame myself.”

Elliot tilts his head in thought. “I think there’s a lot of that going around. But right now, it’s beside the point. Mia means everything to Lily, and Richard knows that and has used it to his advantage by pulling her out of school. It makes me wonder how many other times he’s used her as a weapon.”

“Likely too many. He’s such a fucking cunt.”

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