Page 10 of Ours to Keep

His breathing is heavy, his nostrils flaring. “I never said she was,” he spits, glaring at me. “We fucking care about her, but you—you just wanted to scratch an itch. You seem to forget we know you better than anyone, Jax.”

I clench my fists at my sides, my knuckles splitting open from when I punched the wall in Lily's room. But I don't care. I welcome the sting, because it’s that or losing my cool with him and right now, that’s not an option. Grinding my jaw, I flex my fingers and let out a breath.“At first, maybe,” I admit, my shame hard to ignore. “But I was only fighting theinevitable, like you said. And if we're honest, she's enamoured all of us. Deep down, what I wanted was her—not just to fuck, but on a deeper level.”

“So, what are you saying exactly?” Elliot asks, his fingers entwining with Rivers. “That you want her, too?”

I swallow and give a firm nod. “I do.”

River lets out an incredulous laugh. “You’re being serious? You, Jackson Donovan, are willing to share her?”

Okay, that statement doesn't bother me half as much as it should. “It wouldn't be my first choice,” I admit. “But if it means getting to be with her, explore this further, then yeah, I would,” I reply with more confidence than I would have expected. Because it's true—I’m not a sharing man, but for her and with my brothers, if it means being with her, absolutely, there's no doubt in my mind.

“But isn't the bigger question, will Lily be okay with us sharing her?” River glances between me and Elliot.

Elliot lets out a heavy sigh. “Isn't it a bit of a moot point at the moment? She's still laid up in hospital, for crying out loud. And you two might as well be getting ready to piss all over her and mark your territory.”

I want to argue the point, but there's truth to his statement. “I’m not going to sit here and apologise. It’s hard not to feel possessive towards her.” If River sees my sincerity, maybe he’ll back off enough to notice that I actually care about her.

“But for now, Elliot is right. Her well-being is our priority, and I’m pretty sure that you’re as determined as I am to ensure that we don’t fucking fail her again.”

River nods. “That's something we can most definitely agree on,” he says. “But in the meantime, you might want to consider taking a shower. You smell and look like shit.”

His face might still be as hard as steel, but at least his voice doesn't hold the same sharp edge to it as before.

“Yeah, I know,” I admit, letting out a heavy sigh. My fatigue is a stern reminder of how long it’s been since I took a moment for myself. “But I’m not going anywhere until I know we’re good and on the same page.”

Elliot glances at River, a silent understanding passing between them before River’s expression softens slightly.

“We are,” River says, his voice resolute, his eyes moving to mine.

Elliot nods in agreement. “We all want the same thing for Lily,” he says. “We just need to be smart about it, which means taking care of ourselves too. So go, shower and try to get some sleep.”

I nod, feeling reluctant but knowing he’s right. As I turn to leave the kitchen, River calls after me. “Hey, Jax?” I pause, looking back at him. “We’ve got your back,” he says, a hint of his familiar smile playing on his lips. “Don’t forget that.”

“Thanks, River.”

Making my way to my room, I let the weight of everything that happened settle over me. The exhaustion is almost overwhelming, but I know I can’t afford to let my guard down. Not until Lily is safe and Richard is dealt with.

I turn on the shower in the bathroom, letting the steam fill the room. Stripping out of my clothes, I step into the shower and under the hot water, hoping it will wash away the tension and grime clinging to me.

As the water pounds against my skin, I close my eyes and think of Lily. I vow right here and now to do everything in my power to protect her. No matter what. I won’t let her down again.

Chapter Seven

RIVER

As soon as Jax is out of sight, I shake my hand, flexing my fingers. Should I have hit him? Probably not, but did it feel good? Hell, yes. I find myself pacing yet again. I have so much pent-up frustration that I can barely keep still. It’s only when I’ve been at the hospital watching over Lily that I’ve been able to remain somewhat calm in case she needs me.

I can feel Elliot’s eyes on me, I stop and look up, and sure enough, he’s staring at me.

“What?” I grit out. “I don’t need a fucking lecture, El. I know I shouldn’t have punched him.”

Elliot keeps his gaze fixed on mine as he approaches me, his hands up and palms facing me. “I’m not judging you,” he says sincerely, stopping within touching distance. “I’m worried, there’s a difference.”

I shake my head. “Well, don’t be, once we find that cunt, I’ll be fine,” I retort, clenching my fists, my pulse racing.

“And until then? What do you need?”

I throw my hands in the air. “I have no idea, Elliot, you’re the goddamn genius, you tell me?” My words lash out full of venom.

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