Page 66 of Ours to Keep

Chapter Thirty-One

JAX

It wasn’t impossible not to overhear River and Elliot taking care of Lily, but her pleasure made me smile. The thought of having her again is riding me hard, but as much as I want that, it’s not what our visit is about. The guys, me included, needed to see her before we headed to the airport. Luckily, our flight is from Exeter, so less than twenty miles away.

I heard the shower shut off about an hour ago, so I’m sure after their little fuck fest, they’ve succumbed to sleep.

“How are you doing?” I ask Tommy as he tips his bottle of beer to his lips.

“Fine, it helps to have someone else to focus on, but… I worry that any of you guys would have been a better choice than me.”

I rest my elbows on my knees and lean forward, the fire now low burning embers, with an occasional pop or crack.

“You were the best choice, Tommy. It couldn’t have been River or Elliot. I feel like splitting them would have fucked with the dynamics, and well, me, I’m an insufferable bastard.”

He laughs at that and shakes his head. “No, Ijust mean, it comes so much more naturally to you guys when it comes to you, you know?” He flicks his eyes towards the ceiling.

“Tommy, you’ve been through a lot. Give yourself some grace where it’s due, healing doesn’t have a time limit. There’s so much more to take into consideration when dealing with trauma. No one trauma is the same.”

I watch him as he studies the bottle of beer in his hand. “It’s weird. Before, it was never an issue. Physical contact always came so naturally to me, and now... I just feel broken.”

It hurts me to hear him talk like this. It’s something I’ll always carry guilt over. I’d rather it were me taken over him. But I can’t change the past. I only hope that we can have a better future.

“Tommy, you’re not broken. You’re mourning what was taken from you. But you have the power to be whoever you want to be going forward. You just need to believe that you’re worthy because you are. You’re not inadequate because of what happened to you. You deserve love and affection.”

He swallows hard, his green eyes meeting mine. “Anyone would think you’d been listening to my counsellor.”

I shrug. “I’m just calling it as I see it.”

A long moment of silence stretches between us before he finally speaks.

“I’m terrified,” he admits. “Lily makes me feel things I never thought I’d feel again. She makes me want to be brave, to throw caution to the wind.”

Yeah, she seems to have that effect on all of us.

“There’s no rush, Tommy. When you’re ready to take the next step with her, you will.”

He nods, his eyes focused on the dying embers.

“I know that… but the thing is, I think I am ready. The fear of not having control is holding me back.” He sighs and places his empty bottle on the table. “I’m going to head up. The other room next to Lily’s is already made up if you want it. Something tells me River and Elliot are good.”

I snort at that. “Lucky bastards.”

I glance at my watch, still too wired to sleep. Instead, I move to my laptop and review the details again for tomorrow. I went through everything with Tommy, wanting him to be in the loop. Maybe he’ll see something I might have missed. Thankfully, like River and Elliot, he agreed with the plan.

After about an hour, I finally close my laptop and grab my bag, but not before checking the doors one more time. I know the alarms are set, but it’s just for my own peace of mind before I attempt to get some shut-eye for a few hours.

I’m just about to enter the room when I notice Lily’s door slightly ajar. Dropping my bag, I quietly push it open and then walk inside. Lily is in the middle of the bed, cocooned by Elliot and River. River has a small smile on his lips, each of them touching in one way or another. Lily’s hair haphazardly covers the pillow, her face relaxed, sated. Well fucked, it would seem, the thought has my dick hardening in my jeans, and I reach down to adjust myself, keeping my eyes locked on the soft rise and fall of Lily’s breaths.

“You know, you could just join us?” River whispers, his voice rough with sleep.

I glance over to find his eyes on me and shake my head. “Thanks for the offer, but I think I’ll pass. There’s barely enough room for you two.”

Lily looks so much more fragile curled up between them both.

His soft chuckle brings my gaze back to his. “Oh, I don’t know, I’d happily sleep between her thighs if it meant being close to her,” he says.

I groan because, yeah, I could see myself between her splayed thighs, waking her up with my tongue teasing her clit, but she needs her sleep; they all do.

---