Page 82 of Perfect Imperfections

“What?”

“Yeah.”

He pushed off the counter to pace the hardwood floor. The emotions surrounding him were like a dark cloud, permeating the room, warning of the impending storm. She wanted to run to him, wrap her arms around him and tell him everything would be all right. But she wouldn’t discount his feelings right now. With a blow this big, she knew it would take a lot to process. So she stayed where she was, tugging on her ear, watching the man she loved suffer and hurt.

“That was her sponsor who called me. Her sponsor!” He spat the word out like it was rotten milk and left a foul taste in his mouth.

“She’d been going to NA for a few years, had a few back slides, but according to this woman she’d been clean for twenty-two months.”

But she hadn’t called Sullivan to let him know. Hadn’t contacted Charlotte to see how her daughter was. Ellie had zero experience with addiction or family abandonment, but she knew his ex’s decision not to reach out in her sobriety had to hurt.

“How?” He shook his head.

Sullivan stopped pacing, coming to stand inches from her. His face was a tormented mask of agony and confusion. She wanted to reach out and touch him, offer some form of comfort, but she could read the signals his body was putting off. He didn’t want comfort. He wanted answers. It ripped her to shreds that she didn’t have any for him. The only person who did was gone forever.

“How could she have been sober for almost two fucking years and not contact her daughter? How could she not call or text or, hell, send a goddamn letter to check in on the child she created?”

“I-I don’t know, Sullivan. I’m sorry.” Such ineffectual words, but she didn’t know what else to say. What else to do? What did someone do when the person they loved was breaking apart right in front of them? How did you fix that?

“What can I do to help?”

He turned away, pacing back to the counter again. “Nothing.”

The word hit like a slap in the face. “Nothing?”

His head shook as he gave her his back once more. “This is a family matter. I need to talk to Charlotte. Explain…things to her. You should go.”

She knew he had a lot to deal with right now. His ex-wife was dead, the mother of his child. A child he now had to break the awful news to. He was dealing with grief and anger and a fair bit of confusion at Claire’s decision to not contact her daughter when she achieved sobriety. He had to be overwhelmed. But it didn’t stop the lance of pain piercing her heart, the reminder that she wasn’t family. They’d been playing house, some might say, but she wasn’t Sullivan’s wife or Ellie’s mother. She was just the girlfriend, easily tossed aside.

She didn’t fit into this part of their puzzle.

“O-of course. I’ll just say goodbye to Charlotte and head home.” As much as it hurt her to leave, she knew Sullivan was hurting far worse. Placing a gentle hand on his back, she rubbed slightly. Normally he’d reach over and take her hand whenever she touched him, kiss her knuckles, but tonight he did none of those things. He simply stood there like a statue. All stone and cold. “You’ll let me know if there’s anything I can do? Anything at all?”

He nodded, just the barest movement of his head. The tingles of warmth and elation she usually got from touching Sullivan were absent. Only worry and fear coursed through her veins as she lifted her hand from his back and set out of the kitchen. She found Charlotte still engrossed in the movie. Choking down her swirling emotions, she made her way to the couch, bending down to give the girl a warm embrace.

“Bye, Charlotte.”

“You’re leaving?”

Apparently, the child hadn’t been as absorbed as Ellie thought. Her small head turned, light blonde hair slapping against her cheeks with the abruptness of the movement.

“Aren’t you staying the night? It’s pancake day tomorrow.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, sweetie. I…I…”

What the hell did she say? She didn’t want to lie to the girl, but she also didn’t want to admit the child’s father had all but kicked her out. Charlotte was about to get some of the worst news of her life. Ellie had no idea what to do. She knew what she wanted to do. Clutch Charlotte to her chest and promise nothing would hurt the little girl ever again, but that wasn’t realistic. That wasn’t life. And as Sullivan pointed out moments ago, this was a family matter and Ellie wasn’t family.

“I promise we’ll have another pancake day again real soon, okay?”

But would they? She didn’t know what would happen next. Did Sullivan mean for her to leave only for tonight or forever? She couldn’t very well ask the man. Not now.

“Okay, I love you, Ellie.”

Charlotte threw her arms around Ellie’s neck, as she always did anytime Ellie left. Tears clogged her throat, and she had to sniff to keep them from falling from her eyes. She wrapped her arms around the young girl, squeezing all the love she could into the hug. Wishing it could be a shield for the pain the child was about to receive.

“I love you too, Charlotte.”

“Arrrrgh, too tight.”

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