Page 73 of Perfect Imperfections

Not that she’d believe Sullivan would do something so cruel, but he said he would never marry again. Did that also take love off the table?

Love? Ha! Her dark voice scoffed at her. Why would she even think he could love her?

She knew dealing with her…rituals and habits could grate on a person. She’d been told so, repeatedly. How long before Sullivan tired of them? Found her annoying? What if she confessed her love only to have it thrown back in her face when he couldn’t handle her being…her?

“Hey.”

His soft voice interrupted the dark thoughts swirling around in her brain. Whispering that this thing between them would be over before it could really get started.

“What happened? Where’d you go just now?”

“Huh?”

Placing a finger on the end of her chin, he tipped her face up until she couldn’t look anywhere but into those brilliant, blindingly green eyes. Eyes filled with concern and, dare she say, caring?

“You were worried a moment ago about Charlotte, but then you went somewhere…dark.”

He had that right.

“Um, sometimes I…”

Could she do this? Could she explain to Sullivan what went on in her mind? They’d talked a bit about her rituals, compulsions, her anxiety, but they hadn’t discussed what caused them. Her dark thoughts. The insidious whispers in her mind. The obsessions that caused her compulsions.

He would understand, right? The man was a doctor, after all. She assumed he knew all about mental health and neurodiversity. But would he understand in a non-clinical way? A relationship way?

“Ellie, you can tell me anything. You know that, right? It won’t change the way I feel about you.”

How did he feel about her?

Too afraid to ask that question, she tried to be brave like Cam.

“It’s just that sometimes my brain goes to…dark places. Like a little voice inside my head whispering all the bad things that could happen and how, if they happen, it will be all my fault.”

His eye lit with understanding. “You’re talking about your OCD?”

She nodded, relieved he could understand that much, at least. “Yes. It’s not about being clean or anal like the TV and movies depict. It’s not quirky or fun. It’s terrifying and even though I have a better handle on it than I used to, sometimes I can’t stop myself from going to the dark places.”

He pulled her into his arms, pressing her head against his chest. The beat of his heart was steady and strong, calming her nerves, soothing away the fear. But what really burst through the darkness were the words he spoke next.

“I practice internal medicine, not psychiatry, so I don’t know in-depth what you have to deal with, but I do know you are the strongest, bravest, most astounding person I have ever met.”

“You think I’m brave?” Her words were muffled against his chest, and she clung to him, reveling in the praise he gave.

His hand grasped the back of her neck, tipping her head back so he could stare into her eyes. “You fight a battle every day against an invisible force living inside you. Damn right I think you’re brave.”

Then his lips came crashing down on hers. This kiss was heated, passionate, but there was something else there. Reverence. Sullivan spoke only the truth. No placating or pity. He didn’t tell her what she wanted to hear because he thought it would make things better. He believed the words, believed in her. This man not only understood her, but he admired her.

Now she had to admit she loved him. But only to herself. She wasn’t brave enough yet to risk speaking the words out loud. Maybe someday, but not right now.

“Daddy and Ellie sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”

They broke apart. Turning to face a smiling Charlotte, skipping into the kitchen. Ellie felt flames dance along her cheeks, and not from the scorching kiss Sullivan had just planted on her. For his part, Sullivan looked less embarrassed, but he did take a step away from her. It stung, but she tried not to let it show. She knew he didn’t want to be too affectionate in front of Charlotte. No need to give the child any ideas about the future. Ellie was fighting enough of those, as it was.

CHAPTER 26

“Charlotte, would you like to help me make the pancakes?”

“Yes! Can Ellie help too?”

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