Page 77 of A Marriage Pact for the Cowboy

Just a sec. That was the second time she’d said that. “She kept a journal?” And Eryn had read it?

“This is the part where I’m sorry, okay?”

He nodded slowly.

“She had a notebook for every year from seventh grade on. I found them when Dad and I cleared out her room when we… lost the farm. Just before we moved here.”

Eryn had read her sister’s private words. He could see the temptation would have been great. Would he have succumbed? He had no clue, but he hoped not. Thankfully, his brothers weren’t likely to be journal-keepers, and he’d never discover how he’d react.

“I shouldn’t have read any of it. I know that. I knew Amelia… hated me.” Her voice broke again.

Maxwell’s hand resumed stroking her arm. He could offer that much support, at least, though it didn’t seem like much.

“And she did hate me. The sentiment was clear in nearly every entry.”

“How could you keep absorbing that?”

“You mean in life, or in the diaries?”

“Either.” He shook his head. “Both.”

“In life, because it was my reality. I didn’t know anything else. In her journals? That’s harder to answer.”

Maxwell waited.

“Partly…” She gave a shuddering sob. “I saw you through her eyes. She adored you.”

“Eryn?” When she didn’t meet his gaze, he turned her face toward his with a gentle touch to her chin. “She’s not here. Don’t let her be here, between us.”

“I know.” She gulped. “But you always keep your promises. You told me so.”

She was right. He had said that… but he didn’t remember anything about marrying Amelia. Could anyone have held him to that? He’d been a kid! “She’s dead, Eryn.” He gentled his voice as best he could considering the turmoil inside him.

“She would have pressured you to follow through.”

“She wouldn’t have succeeded.”

“But… promises.”

“Occasionally, people make vows they shouldn’t, without all the facts. Sometimes people make ones they fully intend to keep, but things happen to intervene.” Maxwell gave a mirthless laugh. “Like my parents’ marriage. If you look at their wedding pictures, they were all eyes for each other. Big smiles. I’m pretty sure my dad didn’t intend to break his promise to love and cherish her.”

“I get that.”

Did she? He caressed her jaw while his other hand tugged her closer to remove the gap between them. “We’re human. Only God is perfect at it, but that doesn’t let us off the hook. We still need to make promises carefully then do everything within our power to fulfill them. But we can’t control everything, and we can’t control someone else.”

Now her eyes searched his. “You’re right. I maybe read too much into that.”

“I want to make promises to you, Eryn. I think… no, I know I love you. But I don’t want to make them until I’m really, really sure. Until you are really, really sure.”

“You… love me?”

He hugged her. “I do, but I don’t want to scare you.”

Eryn shook her head. “You’re not scaring me, because I maybe love you, too. But you’re right about making sure.” She took a deep breath. “I burned Amelia’s journals in the lodge fireplace after lunch. Paisley stayed with me and encouraged me.”

Bless Paisley. Relief swept through Maxwell. He’d been trying to figure out how to broach the subject.

“She told me that reading them was like going up to Amelia every day and asking her to remind me why I was unworthy of love. Why she hated me and why everyone else should, too.”

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