Page 74 of A Marriage Pact for the Cowboy

“You have?”

“My mom’s a mess. She was a drug addict for years, then came clean, then relapsed in June. I don’t have a lot of good memories from my childhood.”

Amelia notwithstanding, Eryn did have some.

“I met my father for the first time in June,” Paisley went on. “He’s scum. I never want to see him again.”

Eryn winced. “I’m sorry.” At least her own dad was an upstanding man.

“My sisters…” Paisley took a deep breath. “They try, I guess. Kait looks after Mom, but she’s bitter. Like you, I have a sister named Amelia. She’s the oldest, and she ditched the rest of us as soon as she could. She’s back east somewhere. Last I heard, she was nearly through med school on scholarships. I ran away, too, but with less to show for it. I didn’t have Amelia’s focus. I worked seasonal jobs for years: ski lodges in winter, resorts like Sweet River in summer.”

“I never guessed.” Eryn had been focused inwardly, not looking out to see who else might be hurting, and why. What kind of friend did that make her? A lousy, selfish one.

Paisley shrugged. “I cover it up well, I suppose. But running from the past doesn’t change it, and it doesn’t allow healing.” She looked at Eryn. “Dwelling in it doesn’t, either.”

“You’re right.” Eryn pulled the top journal out. 2008. She’d read the whole thing. “Do I need to tear it up, or will it burn okay whole?”

“Looks easy to tear, and it might be therapeutic.”

Eryn snorted under her breath. Her friend had no idea. Or maybe she did. She grasped the notebook, twisted it, and ripped it in half. Then she fed the pieces to the blaze, watching as the flames danced on the paper before blackening it. Poof. The first handful was gone.

Panic threatened to engulf her the same way the flames engulfed the next bundle of paper. But no, this was the right thing to do. She’d known it all along, but today was the first time she’d been brave enough to face the challenge.

2010 was half read, and now she would never finish. It likely held more of the same, and she didn’t need to wallow in it. It was the past. Amelia was dead, and with these journals burned, her power to hurt Eryn would also disappear.

Okay, not completely, because short of a major bout of amnesia, memories would remain. But maybe with practice, she could keep them from affecting every minute of every day.

Wow, she couldn’t believe she’d been a slave to these stupid diaries for nearly two months. Burning the pages felt like unlocking shackles from around her ankles. Not that prisoners had a choice, but Eryn did, and she was taking it.

Freedom.

Paisley’s quiet voice seeped into her mind. “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!”

Eryn looked at her.

“Second Corinthians 5:17. It’s been both a challenge and a comfort to me.”

Eryn fed another wad of paper into the fire.

“Ooh, a book burning! What’s the occasion?” Bryce’s taunting voice came from behind them. “I prefer to read banned books rather than burn them.”

Eryn’s heart chilled to ice, and she clutched the backpack to her chest. “Get out of here.”

He laughed. “Whatcha hiding? Is it something my little brother should know? I always have his best interests at heart, as I’m sure you know.”

“Get lost, Bryce.” Paisley sounded bored. “This is none of your business. Don’t you have someplace you need to be?”

He dropped into an easy chair nearby. “Nope. I came in to enjoy the fire.”

Could Eryn keep going with him watching? It would be so much easier to take her backpack back to the duplex and try again later. Or maybe just keep the journals. She didn’t have to read them. No one was forcing her to.

No. She’d come this far. She tore the next one in half and tossed it into the blaze. Once it was mostly consumed, she did it again. Then again.

“Old love letters? I bet Maxie would love to read those.”

“None of your business, Bryce,” Paisley warned.

Eryn didn’t need to worry about Bryce. Paisley would take care of him if he tried to snatch the booklets from her. She had only one job: burn the books. Today. Right now.

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