Page 29 of Cowboy Don't Go

Sarah stood and filled a teakettle with water and put it on to boil, her back turned to him so he wouldn’t see the tears in her eyes. “Except it did in a way that changed everything. In my heart, that is. I . . . I loved you, Ray.” He said nothing and she turned back to him. “Did you love me? Or did I just dream all that up? Because sometimes, I’ve convinced myself of that.”

Once upon a time, was how it felt—what had happened between them. It had all begun innocently enough, as a friendship. They’d known each other, tangentially, for years, since before he’d lost his wife a decade before. For a while, they’d attended the same church, but Ray had stopped going altogether after he’d lost Cooper’s mother. But one season of Will’s football when Ray had assistant coached had caught Sarah at a time when her relationship with Tom was particularly bad, or more accurately nonexistent. Tom was distracted with the ranch business and, worse, angry all the time. About what, she didn’t know.

But Ray was kind and funny and all the things she wished Tom could have been, but never would be. They’d run into each other in town, accidentally at first, then on purpose for coffee, or lunch, or sometimes for a long drive into the country where they’d talk about all the things she could never talk about with Tom. Her feelings. Her dreams. Her needs. And his, too.

And yes, they’d kissed. They’d nearly done more, but Sarah wouldn’t until she’d ended things with Tom. She planned on leaving him because the kids were all grown, and it was finally her time. But then, suddenly, it was all over, with Ray being accused and convicted of a crime she knew he couldn’t have—wouldn’t have—committed. That was the end of her dream. Her hope. In the tumultuous and confusing time afterward, she hadn’t the nerve to leave Tom, who, years afterward, admitted he knew about them. She still wondered why she hadn’t the courage to go.

“You know I did love you,” Ray answered finally. “But it wasn’t meant to be.”

She turned to him. “Why didn’t you fight the charges? Fight for us?”

He shook his head. “It doesn’t matter—”

“To me it does. Can you explain it to me? Why would you just let them railroad you like that?”

“Evan,” Ray corrected, staring at his hands. “Evan Clulagher set me up. Laid it out carefully to frame me. Laundered money through my accounts and then disappeared it. Then he disappeared. There was only me left to take the fall for his crimes. My only crime was not paying closer attention. Trusting him.”

Sarah fisted her hands. “You’ll never convince me he didn’t stage his own death. You and I both know he’s off somewhere, living high on all that money he stole.”

“Or he’s dead.”

She rolled her eyes and took a deep breath. “If there is any justice in the world. Evan didn’t do all that cattle rustling alone. He had partners who went to prison, too. They could have cleared you.”

Ray shrugged and stood as the teakettle began to whistle. He took it off the burner and set it aside. “Let it go, Sarah. It’s over.”

It wasn’t over and both of them knew it.

She exhaled sharply and poured hot water into two cups from the cupboard, trying to make her hands stop shaking. “You still drink tea?”

“Not for a long time. Prison’s more a coffee kind of place.”

She made tea anyway and handed him a cup. “You aren’t well. And I hear you’re not getting treatment.”

His cheeks flushed with color. “That’s my decision.”

“To die? Without even giving us a chance?”

That brought his gaze up to hers. “That chance has passed.”

“Has it?”

“I’m an ex-con now, Sarah. A pariah. I’m not the man I used to be. Your children, kind as they are, don’t want me here. The town doesn’t want me.”

“Since when do you care what everyone thinks about—”

“Since my old life disappeared and I am unrecognizable. Even to myself.”

“I know you,” she said, taking his hand. “I know your heart. I know you were innocent of what they said you did. But you have a chance now to start again. And you can’t just give that up. I’m asking you not to give that up.”

He took his hand away. “Is that why you’re here? To talk me into treatment?”

“No. Yes. Partly,” she admitted. “But, Ray, you know why I’m here.”

“I appreciate you letting us stay here. But what’s past is past. Done is done. Some things are meant to be, and some things aren’t. You and me? No, Sarah. I’m not that man anymore.”

She set her tea down carefully. “Ray, I don’t claim to even know what you went through these last eight years. It must have been terrible. And it had to change you. I know that. And I also know it will be hard to risk coming back to your life. No one thinks it won’t be. But if you won’t do it for me, then do it for Cooper. He needs you.”

“He’s a grown man.”

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