Page 29 of Cooper

My heart pumps hard. God, I coached her on this. She was not to tell anyone about James. But there was always the chance that she would, so I try not to get angry with her, and the way that she looks at me with those big blue eyes, I can’t bear to get angry.

“I love him, mommy. I told him I love him, and he told me he loves me, too.”

Totally forgiven. Like, one hundred percent forgiven. “You do?”

She nods broadly. “Yes. He’s so nice. And I know that he loves me because he’s so nice to me. He’s nicer than daddy.”

I so want to smile at her proudly, but instead, I smile inwardly, not sure of the impact the former would do to her. It’s bad enough that we’ve been sans her father for years, and as of late, relocated and placed under the Witness Protection Program, the last thing I need is to screw her up, teaching her that her father is beneath Cooper. Even though it’s the truth. It’s totally the truth. But for the times that James was good to her, I need her to remember that. I love Cooper a hundred times more than I ever loved James, and that love is reciprocated a thousand times more than James ever reciprocated it, but I’m still unsure about leading my daughter to believe that a man that I’ve known for such a short time is worlds better than her biological father, no matter how awful things look for him right now.

She looks at me. “Do you love him, mommy?”

Now’s your chance, now’s your chance, the devil in my head is saying, but the angel is saying that she likely means do I love him as a friend. “Yes, I love him, too, baby. He’s a wonderful man.”

“Are we going to stay with him forever?”

There’s a question I can’t answer. If I get that call tomorrow, we have to flee again, no matter what. Our life is at stake. If it were up to me, yes, we would live here with Cooper forever, but the truth of the matter is, me and Bean have a life to rebuild, and I’m not sure of that life yet. Not until the investigation is complete. Not until the other half of this nightmare is resolved. Until then, we stay put and enjoy the love that we feel around Cooper, but it could all be over tomorrow, for all we know.

“I’d love to, sweetheart. But you and I both know that that might not be possible.” I tell her truthfully, as much as it hurts to. I decide it’s time to change the subject. “You want to go take a drive and see some Christmas lights before Nate gets here?”

“Okay!” She almost squeals. God, I hope she never grows out of this phase, where her attention can always be diverted, and she doesn’t catch on that I’m diverting her attention. We go for a drive around town, into the little neighborhoods by the harbor, that have their expensive homes all decked out in the best decorations and lights. Bean is so excited, gushing, pointing to this house and that house, taking in all the festive cheer. And it seems like our life is finally resembling some sort of normalcy. But then I have to take her back, so I can head into work.

Blake greets me as I walk in. “Hey, sugar. How’s it going?”

“Good. I can’t complain.”

“Did you see the picture Liz posted on Facebook? The one with the boys singing in their Santa hats on Saturday night?”

All social media for me has been shut down. Not a photo, not a meme, nothing exists about me, for me or shared by me, anymore. I’d open a fake account or an alias one, but I’m so afraid of being found. It’s not worth the risk. “No, I didn’t, actually. Why don’t you send it to me?”

“I saved it on the computer. Go on back there and see it.” He urges with a smile. “It’s fantastic. I’m putting it on the website.”

I head on back to his office. It’s never used, save for when he goes in to do payroll or to pay bills. He’s left everything open at his desk, which has been used today, from the looks of it. Even his accounting software is left open, and the website for the web host he uses to update his own website. I see the photo he was talking about and chuckle. There the boys in the band are, sharing a microphone, singing Christmas tunes, each wearing Santa hats, each with a goofy smile on their face as they sing the song about gramma getting run over by a reindeer.

I’m startled by Blake coming into the office, likely forgetting that I’m in there, about a half an hour later. There were a few things I saw that I just couldn’t help myself to investigate further. “Shoot, sorry. Do you need me out there?”

“Sure, love. If you’re done back here.” He says, walking up behind me. I leap out of the chair, feeling bad for leaving him hanging, since I’m the only waitress in for now.

“Yes, I’m done. I love the picture.” I tell him, as he inspects the screen.

He does a double-take. “Hell, what did you do back here? I’ve been trying to fix that for months.”

I shrug. “It’s…not a big deal. I’ll be out here if you need me.”

I walk away before he can call me back.

“Stella? How the hell did you do that?” He shouts, but I don’t answer. I’ve already done too much…

His arms snake around me, as I lay naked in his bed. “And just what are you doing in here?” He murmurs against my ear, smelling all fresh from a shower. His skin is still slightly damp.

“Why’d you shower?”

“Oh, hell, that place was a dive. I stunk like hell. Someone threw a goddamn beer on stage, and another dude puked on me. Don’t look in the washer. I’ll run the cycle in the morning, so I don’t keep us all up.”

“Ew. I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“It’s part of the package, love. But I’m glad I’m home. And I’m glad you’re here.” He kisses me, holding me close to him. “How’d you sneak out of bed with Bean?”

“I think I’ve told you before that the child can sleep through a bomb.”

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