Page 63 of Tasting Sin

“Are you the reason Dickie killed himself?” I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear his answer as badly as I needed to hear it. Part of me thought I needed someone to blame, but it was more comforting that there were answers. I spent seventeen years hoping to find the answer. He sighed.

“Not exactly,” he said, and when he rested his hand on my thigh, I didn’t move it. “Things in this business can get complicated and overwhelming fast. If you’re not careful, it will eat you alive.”

Tears stung my eyes before they warmed my cheeks. “And that’s what happened to him?”

Ronan nodded. “He got involved in the business and started hanging out with the wrong people. Then, the feds sunk their teeth into him. They threatened him, his safety, you.” He sighed, shaking his head and staring at my face, like he could see the rest of the story there. “We tried to help him get out of it, but he got scared. In his mind, there was no other choice. I never forgave myself for losing him.” He reached into his pocket, pulling out a coin

“What is that?” I asked when he opened his hand and held it out to me.

He flipped it over. It was a silver coin with a dove and something in Italian. I recognized it. “It was Dickie’s. He always had it on him. I don’t go anywhere without it.” There was pain etched in deep lines on his face, reminding me that my brother’s death wasn’t just hard for me. It didn’t make sense, though.

“You weren’t at the funeral.” Tears dripped from my cheeks and onto my T-shirt, leaving a raindrop-like pattern. “Why not?”

“I wanted to be, but I couldn’t.” His voice was lower. “I was taking care of it.”

Taking care of it. “You mean you killed someone.” He nodded. “Unbelievable.”

“It has been a long time. You need to understand that this business is dangerous, and it’s not for everyone. I never wanted him to be part of it.” I pulled my hand away from him when he tried to hold it, and a rush of nausea made my mouth water.

“I think you should go.” I pulled the blankets tighter around me, like they could shield me from the fresh grief I was feeling.

He shook his head. “Nellie…”

“You said I’m untouchable. That means when you’re not here too, right?” Tears raced down my cheeks faster, and a loud sob broke from my chest. “So I’ll be okay. Please. Just go.”

Ronan groaned, standing up from the bed and kissing the top of my head. I didn’t resist it. Even knowing he was the reason Dickie was gone, I couldn’t blame him for it, but I couldn’t look at him. When I did, all I could see was my brother.

“I’m leaving Carlo out front, and I’ll be back in the morning.” He stared at me for a second, like he couldn’t believe he was actually going to walk away, and then he bent down and scratched Spice behind the ears. “Take care of our girl while I’m gone.”

The door clicked when it shut behind him. I never thought that man would find love.

Chapter 42

Ronan

“Dinner looks great, Ma,” I said, kissing her cheek before dropping into my seat across from Giaco and next to Grace. She scowled at me but smiled.

“You’re late.” She looked at me from the corner of her eye, pointing out that everyone else already had food on their plates even though they hadn’t started to eat.

I nodded. “I know, I know. I’m sorry. I was taking care of something.” I thought about Nellie laying in her bed, reminding myself that the doctor said everything was fine. She was okay. That was all that mattered.

“Something with the FBI?” Giaco asked, suddenly appearing more interested when he thought the feds had come to see me. I shook my head.

“No work talk. It’s family dinner,” Mom said, interrupting us. She grabbed the bottle of wine and topped off her glass. “You know the rules.”

“Sorry, Ma,” Giaco said, nodding apologetically. “But this thing with the feds right now…”

She glared at him and then looked at our father. “You heard your mother. This can wait until after we eat.” He took a bite from the plate of spaghetti in front of him, always quick to take her side when needed. Growing up, she ran the family—he just enforced it for her.

“It kinda can’t wait,” he argued, setting his fork down harder than necessary. “The feds are breathing down our necks, watching for us to make one wrong move. The Cassidys are still pushing on our territory and we have to handle Nikki, but Ronan is too focused on some girl.”

“You mean the girl who almost died?” I spoke up, sitting forward. Mom sighed.

Giaco rolled his eyes. “She didn’t almost die. Doc said she was just fine.”

“She’s not just fine.” I stood up, planting my hands flat against the table and leaning over it. When Mom grumbled her protest, our father stood up too. “You know that!”

“I don’t care. I need your focus here.” When Giaco stood, our father beat his fist against the table.

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