Page 46 of Catching the Kot'oll Driver

She doesn’t move away, instead, she watches me, her lips trembling as if she’s going to say something. But before she can say something, I beat her to that.

“I think that...” I swallow with my throat tight. I hope I didn’t misunderstand her and make her uneasy. “I think that, if we don’t try to date each other, that’ll be even more of a waste of our lives.”

She flinches in my arms. I resist the urge to keep talking. I should wait for her response. Should I let go of her, so it won’t be that scary?

There are beings around us in the mall, most don’t care about us at all. So I hope she won’t feel pressured.

“So...” Her voice is low, almost a murmur. “Do you mean you want me to be your mate?”

“Yes.” I’m not sure why I feel it so strongly with her, but I know it. This feels right. She and I... have interesting chemistry between us.

She puts her hand on my chest. It may be easier to figure out where I should put my arms. Maybe I should keep holding her until it feels right to let go.

Somehow, I’d never even thought of finding a mate when I boarded the spaceship for this delivery trip, but now that I met her, it felt like I had to be certain and lock it in with her. It won’t be enough if we become friends and I visit her at times. I need more.

She feels out my chest as if she is trying to find a pulse. I want to say something, but I know better than that. Except it’s not that easy to keep quiet when I need the answer.

I keep holding onto her, not letting go until she pushes me away or moves away, which she does neither.

The air between us seems to freeze. I try to enjoy the moment, but my heart is hammering so hard in my chest that I may explode.

Am I... not good enough for her? Does she want another mate who is more capable of protecting her? The bar is high when she’s police herself, right?

I may be a big kot’oll, but I’ve never been trained to fight. I know the basics of using a laser gun and that’s pretty much all about it. Is that what she is worried about?

It feels like a lifetime, and it feels like I’m freezing into a block of ice inside the mall before she says, “Do you want me as your mate after I’ve been nothing but trouble to you?” She stands on her tiptoe, stretches her arm, and puts her hand on my forehead. “Are you sick or out of your mind?”

I shake my head, leaning down to make it easier for her to feel my forehead. Maybe this is a human thing. “I mean it. What does this head patting mean?”

“Oh...” She takes her hand back at once as if she touched something hot. “It’s... to check whether you’re sick or having a fever.”

So it isn’t the answer I want. No, not even a response to my question.

She says, “But... You don’t even live on this planet.”

I shrug. “I can settle here and find a new job.”

She frowns. Maybe that was an excuse, and I wasn’t meant to counter it. I open my mouth, but she says, “It’ll be such a big shift for you.”

I hold her hands. “I figured I should at least ask you and find out what you think about that.”

“It’s a lot to process.”

“I understand. It’s a lot for me to... want a mate almost out of nowhere. I’ve never thought I’d want a mate.” I spread my lower arms to the side, but still holding her with my two other arms. If I don’t hold onto her, maybe she will poof and be gone right there in front of me.

She hugs me back and pats me. “I’ll think about it.”

I suppose it’s not a rejection, but it doesn’t feel great, regardless.

She continues, “You have my number, and you don’t live that far away.” She murmurs as if she’s talking to herself.

It isn’t like I can make her decide right here. I pat her back. “It’s okay. Take your time.”

She nods and we continue down the path in the mall, heading to the parking lot. She shoves her hands into her pocket, not letting me hold her.

Maybe I screwed up everything and we could have been friends if I never asked.

Well... I can add this to my list of failed attempts. It’s probably fine. I can survive without having a mate. I’ve been fine, so I can be fine in the future too.

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