Page 54 of Savage Heart

“Then why are you here, and why do you look like you’re going to break down at any moment?” I ask as relief washes over me at the news that my mother isn’t the reason he’s come here today.

I watch Maddox Rule take a deep breath in, almost as if he needs to so he can go on, and then let the air out of his lungs in a heavy sigh. I’ve never seen my father like this. It’s unnerving. Even worse, it’s wreaking havoc on my emotions.

“Your brother Sebastian died of a gunshot wound to the head at Mercy Hospital in Hartford three nights ago. The funeral is on Tuesday. Your mother and I wanted you to know so you could attend.”

The news that my older brother is no longer on this earth makes me take a step back in shock. There was no love lost between Sebastian and me. We hadn’t spoken a civil word to one another in years. That he was killed in the very way I do my job isn’t lost on me either.

As the first flush of the news subsides for me, I think about how devastated my mother must be. Sebastian was her first child. As she always liked to tell all of us kids, it was him who changed her life with my father. However rocky the start of their life together was, none of that mattered once Sebastian came along.

And now, not even thirty years later, he’s gone.

“How is Mom doing?” I ask, genuinely concerned for how she’s dealing with the loss.

His eyes full of tears, my father tries to smile, but it never makes it to the corners of his mouth. “Your mother has always had a way of handling the bad things in life. This is no different. She’s keeping busy with all the details of the funeral and all that happens afterward. Your aunts Chantel and Ilona are helping, but you know how she is.”

I nod, understanding exactly what he means. Willow Rule has an uncanny knack of pushing aside everything to focus on the details so life remains perfect for everyone around her. Whatever misery she’s feeling is kept for when there’s no one around.

“I’m sorry.”

My father attempts another smile, and this one ends up a little better than the last one. “It would mean the world to your mother and me, as I’m sure it would to your brothers and sisters, if you’d attend the funeral. I know you and your brother had your differences, but you can put that aside for this, can’t you?”

He has no idea what he’s asking. It isn’t my differences with Sebastian that I’d have to put aside to rejoin my family. It’s how I feel about him that’s always kept me away since that day he told me to go find Helix here.

“I can’t. As much as I wish I could be there for Mom and everyone else, I can’t go back there.”

My answer brings out the same look of disappointment in his eyes that I remember so well. It’s like no time has passed, and I’m back there at the Rule estate dealing with him on that night he sent me away.

“Your family needs you, Alaric. You’ve spent your time these past few years living exactly as you chose, but now your family needs you back with them.”

The way my father says that, as if merely speaking the words makes all that’s happened between us disappear, shouldn’t surprise me, but it does. As easily as my mother can push aside all the bad to see the good in life, my father seems to be able to forget all the unhappiness that still exists with us.

“I’m already with my family. Helix and Kerry took me in when I was sent away from my home. They gave me a place to live and something to do with my life.”

He shakes his head, almost like he can’t believe we’re still doing this to one another. “You act as if I told you to come here because I hated you, Alaric. I didn’t have a choice. You know that, and yet you still hold it against me.”

My emotions finally erupt, and I snap, “You exiled me here just like you did Helix! You sent me away because I was a problem for our family, and now you think I should come back because Sebastian is dead? My being there won’t bring your son back. My being there never did any good for anyone.”

My father doesn’t seem surprised by my outburst. Shaking his head, he says, “I sent you away because you killed that man and there was no way I was going to be able to keep you out of jail. You act as if I did that over something trivial. You didn’t have too many speeding tickets, Alaric. They were going to charge you with first degree murder. I needed time to get the police to see things my way. No one exiled you, and what happened with you and Helix isn’t the same at all.”

“Both of us killed someone, so it seems pretty similar to me.”

Dark eyes flash fury at me as my father throws his hands up in utter exasperation. “Jesus Christ! I won’t apologize for trying to keep you out of jail for the rest of your life. My brother tells me you did something almost exactly the same for that girl as I did for you, but I’m the bad guy and you’re the hero.”

Rage fills me as he compares what I did for Sienna and what he did to me. “It’s not the same and you know it.”

“Yes, it is. She was in trouble, and you got her away so she wouldn’t be punished for killing her brother. How is that different than my sending you here, away from the reach of the authorities back in Connecticut, so they wouldn’t put you away for life after you killed that man?”

“Don’t talk about things you don’t understand. Sienna’s problem was entirely different than mine. She was defending herself.”

“And you were defending that girl. The problem is the police weren’t going to see it that way for you, and from what your uncle tells me, the authorities in Italy wouldn’t be seeing it that way for her either. I sent you here to protect you, Alaric.”

I can’t listen to him justify exiling me like he’s the hero of our story. Turning away, I stare out the window at the island outside. “You sent me away because I wasn’t like Sebastian. Now that he’s gone, you want me back in the fold. Well, that can’t happen, Dad. My exile will continue, whether you like it or not. Some things you can’t change back when it suits you.”

My father doesn’t respond for so long that I finally turn back to look at him. His frown has deepened so it looks like he might never be happy again. How many times in the past few years have I thought about how good it would feel to see him as miserable as I was that day he told me I had to leave the only home I ever knew?

Yet now that he’s here and as unhappy as I wished for him to be, it doesn’t feel good seeing him like this.

In a voice quieter than I think I’ve ever heard come from my father, he hangs his head and says, “Whatever you think my reasons were, they had nothing to do with your brother. I’ll tell your mother you send your love.”

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