Page 80 of Holding The Reins

“His teeth are poking my thumb.” She laughs as she says it but she holds him up anyway like the little fearless firefly she is. She smiles as I snap the photo on my phone and then Rocco shows her how to release him. It takes the fish a minute but he takes off under the water and she yelps.

“That was intense. I always thought fishing was boring!” She giggles.

“It’s boring if you’re this fella,” Rocco says as he claps me on the shoulder. “He never catches anything.”

“Keep living in your dream world, old man.” I chuckle, and so goes the rest of our morning, Rocco and I shit talking each other while CeCe shows us both up again and catches another good sized bass.

“I just have one question. What am I doing right this fine morning, that y’all are doing wrong?” she asks, the most innocent grin on her face as she lets the second fish go all on her own.

Rocco roars with laughter.

“This one’s a keeper, Nash, she can shit talk with the best of us.”

CeCe’s still giggling but I don’t argue, I just watch her, beaming with pride for my girl. Of two things, I’m absolutely certain. 1. Whatever is happening between us, we haven’t just crossed the boundary of “one night, just sex,” we’ve obliterated it. There may as well have not even been a line in the sand to begin with. 2. Right here on the shore with CeCe in this simple moment, I know I want more moments like this with her. I want to be there for more firsts and I want her—not just for one night, and not in secret. I think I want her for as long as she’ll have me. The thought causes my heart to beat faster and fucking terrifies me all at the same time.

I’m super hungry by one o’clock when we pack up our fishing gear.

“Pleasure, darlin’,” Rocco says, patting my hand.

“Will I see you next week?” he asks.

“We’ll see,” I say nervously, looking from him to Nash because I have no idea. I don’t know what this is but I know it’s more than one night of getting it out of our system. This easy morning might be the best morning I’ve ever had.

“Well I hope I do,” he says as he gets in his truck and starts it up.

And then, Nash and I are alone. He rubs my shoulder.

“You did good this morning darlin’. You won Rocco over. He’ll be talking about you for weeks.”

“How did you start that up? Fishing with him I mean?”

Nash grins. “I came down here the first weekend I was home and he was at the shore. We got to talking and he agreed to sell me the bar. We’ve just showed up here almost every Saturday since. He doesn’t have anyone here, his wife died and his son lives in Virginia.”

I narrow my eyes at him. Nash is definitely not who I thought he was when I came home, or even who I remember, and standing here in front of me, a little sweaty, a little sun-kissed, wearing that damn backwards Stars hat, he’s never looked so extraordinary.

“You’re just full of surprises aren’t you, Nash Carter?”

“I’m tryin’,” he says, staring into my eyes. Butterflies flitter about in my stomach as he holds my gaze for a beat too long.

“Now, food,” he says, pinching my t-shirt. “Let’s go.”

“Yes, fishing is a workout. I’m starving already. Who knew?” I marvel.

“Who knew?” Nash repeats as he loads everything and we get into his truck and head back to town.

When we’re almost back I get the nerve to finally ask him. “Does that happen a lot? The dreams?”

I haven’t stopped thinking about it since I woke up this morning and I need to know how often he suffers like that. The way he held me was like I was his life vest.

“Almost every night. Some form of it anyway.”

“I’m so sorry that happened to you, Nash.” I put my hand on his in the center console.

“You know it’s not your fault.”

His jaw tenses and he stares straight ahead.

“In my mind, I know that, but it doesn’t make me feel any less guilty. The thought of losing someone I love like that ever again…” He shakes his head as he trails off in thought. “I was rushing them. Years of therapy after they died tell me that’s not why it happened, but I guess I’ve always felt a little responsible. It’s just something I live with… it will never go away but some days are easier than others. Your dad told me I have two choices, let it consume me or keep holding the reins. So, I keep holding the reins and wait for the next day to come.”

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